Ah, college. I remember the first day like it happened yesterday. The smell of new paint covering beer-stained dorm room walls. The RAs’ stale greetings in matching neon shirts and Sharpie’d name tags. Awkward, passing smiles from strange hallmates trailed by nervous parents. Hellish name games and forced social bonding. Little did I know that I was about to embark on four of the best and life-changing years of my life … none of which would prepare me for the real world. Like, at all. Don’t get me wrong, I got an amazing education and grew as a human and all that shit, but being in college is like being ensconced under some cushioned, wonderland bubble, where nothing you do affects the real world (except maybe flunking out) and your real goal is just … to be. Here are some of the good (and bad) things that only happen in those four freak years:
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To be drunk and to find yourself perusing the latest in helicopter camera drone technology is to be human. To actually purchase said helicopter camera drone technology off of Amazon.com is an entirely different thing.
And yet! We’ve done it. Or we know someone who’s done it, anyway. Drunk shopping is rarely a good idea, but that’s never stopped us from brazenly logging on to UrbanOutfitters.com, our credit card numbers memorized, with a hankering for crop tops. The Frisky staff divulged their most embarrassing drunk purchases, and polled friends and family on their biggest drunk splurges. (You can see a larger version of our most embarrassing purchases here.)
Here’s what we found: Keep reading »
Joaquín Alcaraz Gracia had just been crowned “King of Beer Drinking” in a chugging contest in Spain when he started vomiting nonstop. The goal of the contest is to drink as many liters of beer as possible in 20 minutes and Garcia drank six liters, breaking the contest record. The poor guy was coherent for long enough to hold up his trophy in glory, but his condition deteriorated quickly, reported the UK’s Daily Mail.
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This past weekend, Amelia, Jessica and I went to our awesome marketing manager Sophie’s wedding in Maine. It was so much fun. And so much lobster. (Maine!) There were a bunch of ridiculously cute flower girls there, frolicking on the grass, running around, falling down, dancing, crying, accidentally showing everyone their underwear and generally having a lot of fun. And it was on our way from the ceremony to the reception that it struck us: those little girls are not unlike us when we get drunk. This theory was tested 15 minutes later — thanks to the open bar — when Amelia and I attempted to get the dance party started with these cute kids. They, and us, it seemed, were the only ones willing to make total fools of ourselves (as per the usual).
With that in mind, we thought up a bunch of ways that drunk adult women are sort of totally like 4-year-olds. And there are a lot of ways, trust us. Check out our list after the jump, and share your own theories in the comments. Keep reading »
This may be a big week for ga -rights activists, America, and, like, history. But it’s also a big week for all us chocolate peanut butter lovers out there. That’s right, Sweet Baby Jesus Chocolate Peanut Butter Porter has descended from the heavens (or Abington, Maryland) and graced us with its sweet, sudsy presence. For a measly $10 at DuClaw Brewing, you can get buzzed on the chocolately-peanut-buttery libation that actually tastes and smells like a chocolate peanut cup, according to Uncrate. No word on where else in the States it’s hopping (heh) up next, but sweet baby Jesus, we hope it’s in ours. [Uncrate]
You would think an open bar at a wedding would be the perfect way to liven up the crowd and get everyone’s dancing shoes movin’, but not for this unfortunate bride. One of her guests was bathing in booze. In this video, a red-dressed beauty gets bombed and a bit too comfortable with her makeshift pole. I have a feeling that the bride hasn’t spoken to her since the big day. [via YouTube]
Update: It’s been brought to our attention that this video was made as part of Heineken’s Know The Signs campaign.
When my brother and his girlfriend visited Nashville last week, I couldn’t wait to take them to one of my favorite bars. We ordered some food and drinks, sat down at a table and started chatting, when suddenly the lights dimmed and a man with a microphone told everyone to choose a team name. We looked at each other with a mix of confusion and delight: apparently we had stumbled into a trivia night. We spent the next two hours answering questions about subjects ranging from insect larvae to Tim Tebow, and we lost badly (half our team was jet-lagged!). After doing trivia in multiple cities across the country, this latest experience made me realize something: every trivia night, no matter where you are, no matter how formal or casual, will attract the exact same roster of teams. They are as follows… Keep reading »
In 2004, people figured out that if you smoke alcohol, you can get drunk almost immediately without any of the empty calories associated with that old-fashioned liquid alcohol. A product called AWOL (Alcohol Without Liquid) was quickly banned in the U.S. because inhaling alcohol straight into the bloodstream is super dangerous. But now inhaling alcohol has resurfaced with a new sketchy product that’s being sold legally in all 50 states. The Vaportini, which is sold online, gets you schwasted immediately upon inhalation. Keep reading »
Dear Luis Briones,
You just got arrested in New Mexico after crashing your car. Police could tell pretty quickly you were driving drunk, which is already a dealbreaker, but it quickly became apparent that something else had contributed to your little “accident.” Maybe it was because you were found hiding in a cactus(?!) wearing only one shoe and had your shorts on inside out, or maybe it’s because your female passenger was totally naked, but you eventually got busted for not only driving under the influence, but having sex while driving under the influence. While a small part of me is impressed by your ability to multitask, a much larger part of me is disgusted by your complete disregard for other people’s safety.
I think it’s safe to say: we’re breaking up.
No longer yours,
Gee, don’t you just love that in the battle to train men to not rape, you have the security secretary of Hong Kong, Lai Tung-kwok, stomping on all our efforts by suggesting women just drink less? I do. It’s my favorite. Having the government permit men to not taking responsibility for their actions and place the onus of avoiding sexually assaul on women is just fabulous. Especially when this was the knee-jerk reaction to a 60 percent rise in reported rapes and an 18 percent rise in reported sexual assaults. As reported by the Wall Street Journal, the director of the Hong Kong Federation of Women’s Centers responded, “There’s a lot of stigma that’s given to the victims. The remarks he made are proof of a culture that blames victims for doing something ‘wrong,’ like drinking.” The fear is that women won’t report abuse because they fear being blamed and shamed. Rape culture, it’s great.
[Wall Street Journal]