There are two types of holiday partiers: those who drink to enhance the merry quality of the season and those who drink to escape the torture of it. If you fall into the latter category you know it can be quite unseemly, so here’s this Christmas tree ornament that’s also a flask from Urban Outfitters. We know, you’re thinking, How is that not the most obvious thing in the world? Consider the following instructions: 1. Fill with vodka. 2. Place innocently on tree. 3. Now you have a stash to surreptitiously rely on during horrible family gatherings. (For my fellow Jew friends, you could try hanging this on the menorah, but that would both incur the wrath of bubbie Sadie and be a fire hazard.)*

Of course, the ornament flask works just as well for the jolly drinker who is all about Christmas—this will complement your Rudolph sweater perfectly. [$24, Urban Outfitters via Geekologie]

* You know we’re being cynics, right? Drinking in secret during the holidays is a bad sign. We prefer to raid the family liquor cabinet and do it out in the open.

I was conversing with a dude this weekend about imbibing alcohol on a first date -- how much is too much and even too little. As someone who enjoys a good glass/bottle of wine, especially paired with food, dating someone who drinks is kind of, well, important to me. No offense to any readers who don't drink (especially those who are in recovery), but it would be difficult for me to date a non-drinker. That said, I don't want to date someone who can't have a good time without boozing it up either. I always do my darndest not to get drunk on a first date, mainly because I want to make the best decisions possible if I'm just starting to get to know someone -- and I certainly would be buggin' out a little if my date got smashed while I remained fairly sober. So, what about you?

You know when you drink way too much, do something stupid, and then have to face down the people you did said stupid thing in front of the next day? Evidently, peeps were having the same experience back in 9th century China. A form letter was recently found in western China, created by the Dunhuang Bureau of Etiquette, which made it easy for public officials to excuse themselves after drunken escapades. The translation is poetically amazing:

“Yesterday, having drunk too much, I was intoxicated as to pass all bounds; but none of the rude and coarse language I used was uttered in a conscious state. The next morning, after hearing others speak on the subject, I realized what had happened, whereupon I was overwhelmed with confusion and ready to sink into the earth with shame.” [Neatorama]

Human beings came up with those brilliant words over 1,020 years ago, and we still don’t have floating space condos! We don’t even have eloquently scribed form letters anymore, do we? I guess that’s because we’ve been too busy drinking ourselves silly and looking for creative ways to get out of work. So, we haven’t really had the time to invent anything good? Let’s all give this a try and see if people are as forgiving as they used to be. First round’s on me!

I know we all have “Mad Men” fever these days. On the off chance that you have become desensitized while watching Betty Draper suck those cancer sticks and throw back cocktails with her bun in the oven, let me remind you once again that smoking while pregnant is hazardous to the baby. Wait? You already knew that? But in case you need just one more good reason to quit lighting up while knocked up, a new U.K. study about smoking while pregnant is likely to scare the s**t out of you.

For some reason Wines of Chile, a commerce group akin to our Cotton Council, commissioned a study of 3,000 women in the U.K. to see how many secrets they told and how many they were able to keep. The study uncovered that (gasp!) drinking wine usually loosens women’s tongues and makes us a lot more likely to speak our minds. The study also found that women spill the beans in an average of 47 hours. Still, 83 percent of women surveyed consider themselves 100 percent trustworthy. But the vital information not mentioned in this report includes: why busting women on how much they gossip is a good way to publicize wine and whether there was a similar study commissioned to investigate the embarrassing conversational habits of men. [Daily Mail]

Unless you live in an HBO sitcom, dating is usually nerve-wracking. And no matter how many times you've done it, there's sometimes no controlling those pre-date jitters. If it's someone with real potential, you don't want to screw it up; if it's a schmuck your mother set you up with, you just want to get through the night without painful awkwardness. Which is where, for many women, alcohol comes into play: the pre-date, primping drink that you imbibe secretly on your own to rev you up or calm you down for the evening ahead. Of course, if you're not careful, this can get you into a lot of trouble. So, is this a dating do or don't?

Last night, I got drunk. (A few too many Blue Moons.) The night before that, I got drunk. (Vodka tonics.) The night before that, I got really drunk and accidentally made out with a dude two degrees skeevier than I would normally go anywhere near. (Shots followed by champagne.) The night before that, I ... got drunk. (Blue Moon. Again.)

I bet you’re starting to notice a pattern here. 

If nothing else, the train wreck that is young “Indiana Jones” star Shia LaBeouf has been refreshing for its candor.

We, the public, are used to a celebrity-publicist-consumers trifecta that downplays, obfuscates and outright lies when it comes to their naughty behavior. Exhibit A: Britney. Exhibit B: Lindsay. Exhibit C: Chris Brown. Exhibit D: Paris. Exhibit E: Jeremy Piven. I could go on, but you get the point.

But 23-year-old Shia LaBeouf—not through a publicist, not through a stage parent demon from hell—has been straight up when talking to the press about his troubles. Most recently, he confessed to Parade that he is an alcoholic, that he sometimes feels his life is meaningless and his insecurity is a “God-sized hole.” Certainly, not every celebrity is required to open up about their personal lives this way, but we appreciated his honesty, rather than the same-old-same-old BS.

Lawsuits to roll your eyes at: they’re not just filed by Americans anymore!

A 20-year-old British college student is suing her old boarding school for $493,000, claiming the school fostered a ‘drinking culture’ that led her to get wasted and fall out a first floor window, permanently injuring herself.

Tony Conigliaro based the No. 5 Champagne Cocktail on a famous perfume from a Parisian fashion house, which you should have guessed by now. He came up with the concept for the cocktail after realizing that the perfume-making process is similar to the way cocktails are made. First, he studied how that particular Chanel perfume is made. Then, he realized a sugar cube in the champagne was the perfect way to bring the notes to the top of the drink. It took two years-worth of trial and error to develop the cocktail, which was sampled at “The Bar with No Name” launch in Angel Islington, London. The No. 5 Champagne Cocktail is served in a wide-brim, bespoke flute to allow extra room for the bubbles to release. Conigliaro is the ambassador for French brand Merlet fruit liqueurs, and he knows his stuff when it comes to cocktails. He told Dazed Digital that the biggest cocktail myth is that martinis should be “shaken, not stirred.” Contrary to James Bonds’ tastes, he says, a martini will be too soggy if it’s shaken, instead of smooth and silky which is a result of stirring.

OK, we know the following characterization is NOT 100 percent representative of all fraternities in this country.

But still, the stats about sexual assault and tales of misogynistic behavior in the essay, “Bros Before Hos,” published by history and gender studies professor Nicholas L. Syrett on the National Sexuality Resource Center’s web site, are beyond scary.

You’ll have to read the essay yourself for his particularly eloquent argument about how the closeness of men in frats fosters misogynistic behavior and a fear of homosexuality—it’s worth a read for anyone who has known or loved a frat boy. Synett’s certainly not arguing frat boys are worse than other men, but they do live in a unique environment that has an affect on them. Frat boys don’t sound like they’ve ever not had a weird relationship with sex, masculinity and power.

Six scary things we learned about frat boys from reading his essay, after the jump…

So many characteristics supposedly hint at your personality—from your hair color to your height. Now, a new study from psychologist Glenn Wilson (and sponsored by a chain of bars) says the way you hold your glass tells what kind of person you are.

Whenever I see non-alcoholic beer on the menu at a restaurant, I always wonder what kind of crazy, misguided person would order such a thing. Well, I found out recently when I went to a bar with my friend who is preggers. She’s missing the beertastic taste of her fave booze, so she ordered up a non-alcoholic beer and began sipping away. A few minutes later we looked around and realized that people were staring—or rather, glaring—at her. I guess it looked like she was swigging away with little regard for the bun in her oven?

Although these bar-goers had the wrong idea, way more women that you’d think sip the real stuff while they’re pregnant. A recent study shows that 12% of women drink alcohol while they are pregnant. Considering that more than half of non-pregnant women don’t drink at all, this number is high. Pregnant chicks ages 35 to 44 are the worst offenders. Almost 18% of these women drink up. Interestingly, less than 9% of pregnant ladies ages 18 to 24 chose to drink.

After prohibiting smoking in bars in January, the French government is now cracking down on other vices by banning open bars and happy hours. The measures come after rising binge drinking trends among its country’s youth. This may come as a surprise to Americans accustomed to college kid-culture which traditionally stands in contrast to Europe’s seemingly refined youth who have profited from liberal attitudes on drinking. But, it appears weaning youngsters on beer and wine is no longer working as alcohol-related visits for minors rose 50 percent in the past five years. The law will also raise the drinking age from 16 to 18. While wine and cigarettes might be health threats, they’re also staples of French culture. If the government continues this trend, what’s next? Better start clinging to those croissants for dear life. [Reuters]

New York Magazine reports a recent study shows alcohol consumption is up—way, way up—in women. Dr. Richard Grucza, an epidemiologist and professor at Washington University School of Medicine, compared studies conducted in 1991 to 1992 and in 2001 to 2002 to see how same-age groups responded to questions about alcohol consumption a decade later. He discovered that though “the American attraction to alcohol is growing more potent,” the increase in alcohol consumption is primarily in women, and among them there’s an increase in dependence, too. Grucza explains this increase in alcohol consumption began around the middle of the last century, coinciding with Second Wave feminism. “As women ‘immigrated’ into the culture that was once unique to men,” says Grucza, “they picked up a lot of the same mores and attitudes and behaviors and ideas about what is socially acceptable that men had previously held.” And the place where women are picking up these attitudes and behaviors the most? College.

How do you stay “green” when you’re out on the town? Order a mixed drink; they require less energy than blended ones. No more Daiquiris for you. [LiveScience]

Lindsay Lohan is launching a company called Stay Gold. Right now, they’re developing a self-tanner and a line of leggings. As if one leggings line from LiLo wasn’t enough. [NYMag.com]

 

AskMen.com conducted a survey of their users, the results of which are THE MOST CONCLUSIVE FINDINGS ON THE HETEROSEXUAL MAN EVER RELEASED. Well, maybe not quite, but I did learn a couple things about the lesser other sex that surprised me.

• They Are Liars About Drinking: According to the survey, the majority of men polled (35%) only consume one to three alcoholic drinks a week. Yeah. Right.
• They Admire That Euro-Trash Look: A whopping 39% of men think that Italy has the best-dressed men. Maybe the medge will be popular after all….
• They’re Cry Babies: Thirty-five percent have cried during a movie or TV show but managed to conceal it, while 31% think it’s perfectly acceptable to weep over the death of a loved one. Softies!

Loud music seems to cause people to drink more, faster. [EurekAlert!]

 

You probably started drinking before your mom, or at the very least your grandmother. On average, women born before 1944 started drinking at age 20, while those born after that started drinking at age 17. Unfortunately, it’s not all champagne dreams and beergoggles for us, though. Women born after 1944 also have a greater risk for alcohol dependence than those born before that time. Richard A. Grucza, assistant professor of psychiatry at Washington University and one of the study’s authors, wonders whether lowering the drinking age would have any effect on women’s alcohol dependency, because genetic predispositions can’t have changed so much over such a short period of time: “Our findings would suggest that from a public-health point of view, lowering the legal drinking age might lead to increased rates of alcohol dependence.” Somewhere, a high school student is groaning (and asking a sketchy neighbor to buy her a case of Natural Light). [Newswise]

Previously: Should You Drink To Your Health?

When I was a teenager, I hid all of my vices from my mom and dad. My high school boyfriend snuck in and out of our house so they wouldn’t know I was having sex, I kept perfume and eye drops in a boot in the garage so I wouldn’t smell and look so stoned when I walked in, and once I even hid my jeans in the backyard when I came home so drunk I peed my pants while trying to open the front door. For the most part, mom and dad remained oblivious to my shady behavior. (Except, sadly, my mom found the pee pants in the backyard before I could wake up, and threw them in my face. And a nosy neighbor once squealed to her about strange boys jumping out the window. Also, sorry, mom. I do hope I don’t have a daughter like me.)