Tag Archives: douchebags

“Bachelor” Juan Pablo Galavis Is Terrible, But Let’s Stop Taking It Out On Nikki Ferrell

Juan Pablo and Nikki Ferrell

“There’s definitely a culture barrier that people don’t understand. In Latin culture, there are many words you can say to a woman to tell her that you care about her: falling in love, loving her, needing her. Those words might not have a translation in English. Te Quiero [I like you], Te Quiero Mucho [I like you a lot], Te Adoro [I adore you], Me Encantas [McDonald's translation is "I'm Loving It"]. These mean something to Latins, but they don’t mean the same to Americans. I’ve learned that “love” is used a lot in the States for everything: I love that burger, I love my shoes, I love a friend. To me, if it’s overused, it loses meaning.

Former “Bachelor” Juan Pablo Galavis told People that he still hasn’t told his girlfriend Nikki Ferrell that he loves her. The two are currently starring on VH1′s “Couples Therapy,” in which they work out the many, many issues they have with each other on national TV while he continues to be THE WORST, surprising exactly no one. Sure, they’ve been together a pretty short time to already have so many things to talk about in therapy, but Juan Pablo has already displayed an array of dismissive, commitment-phobic behaviors, like refusing to propose to Nikki on the “Bachelor” finale, actively hiding from the L word, and referring to Nikki as a “regular friend” (his words) to his daughter. For real, Juan Pablo’s daughter apparently doesn’t even see Nikki as his girlfriend. Keep reading »

The Top U.S. Cities For Douchebags Are…

The Top U.S. Cities For Douchebags Are...

Well, spank my tush and color me shocked: there WAS a survey done telling us which U.S. cities have the most douchebags. Earlier this week, I wrote about the new Estately survey telling us which states have the most immature and mature men. Surprised that New York wasn’t on the list, I mentioned that they’re probably too busy trying to stay in the lead of the Most Douchebags Per Square Foot survey which is yet to be created, but BEHOLD! Earlier this year, Estately did do a survey of which U.S. cities have the most douchebags. Keep reading »

All The Celebs Are Wearing Tiny Party Trucker Hats

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Tiny trucker hats are the perfect accessory for when you’re hanging with your significant other with the paparazzi, or drinking a bottle of Moet Chandon by yourself on the phone, or at a movie premiere, or getting over The Most Important Breakup Of Our Time or whatever. That’s why all the celebs love their tiny party trucker hats. Just, like, whatever you happen to be getting into at the moment. Take life by the reins and get your very own tiny party trucker hat — or 10, one in every shade — here.

8 Apps Designed Specifically For Modern Douchebags

Most of what we know about ancient cultures is based on their technology. We know what they ate based on the grains that are mashed into their stoneware and what they did for fun based on the absence of video games in their little mud huts. Similarly, we can tell a great deal about modern douchebags by the apps that they’re apparently spending money on. These are apps that could only be used by a very specific type of person. If you’re a regular person, your regular-person shield (otherwise known as common human decency) will repel you from apps like … Keep reading »

Mind Of Man: Why Douchebags Are Called Douchebags

Douchebags were a conspiracy of the patriarchy, a medieval-looking invention that simultaneously suggested that female sex organs were filthy, stinky and repulsive to men, and promised to cure this imaginary affliction. But it doesn’t cure anything. Douchebags can, in fact, upset the natural bacterial culture of the vagina that protects the organ from infection.

There’s also the small matter that unwashed men and women can rid themselves of odorous funks by showering regularly, or even semi-regularly. Vaginas smell like sex and sex smells good. Nibble your lower lip and roll your eyes into the back of the skull good. It is one of those scents that inspire immediate physical reactions. The smell of warm bread makes you drool. The smell of a roaring fires makes you cuddly. The smell of sex makes your skin glow like the digital warriors in “Tron Legacy.” Keep reading »

Where To Shop For Your Man (If Your Man Isn’t A Tool)

Last month, we wrote up a list of the places where you shouldn’t shop for your man (unless your man is a tool). While such a cautionary message is important, we mustn’t ignore the non-douches of the world, those wonderful men who would rather not wear camo cargo shorts and message T-shirts alluding to the size of their penis. With that in mind, we’ve composed a list of places that can usually be counted on to stock affordable, flattering men’s clothing. Check out our picks and weigh in with your own ideas after the jump! Keep reading »

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