Tag Archives: dominant

Everything Joe & Melissa Gorga Might Want To Know About Actual Dominant/Submissive Relationships, But Are Too Afraid To Ask

Melissa Gorga and Joe Gorga

It’s difficult to walk away from an episode of “Real Housewives of New Jersey” without thinking to oneself, ”Every single one of these women needs massive amounts of therapy” … yet we do it in a way that keeps us TiVoing their table-flipping drama week after week. But a new book published by Melissa Gorga, called Love Italian Style, filled with her  so-called ‘marriage advice tips’ crosses into the realm of seriously disturbing.

Clearly the Gorgas have a traditional-style marriage. That does not suit everyone’s tastes. However, Melissa Gorga doesn’t simply fulfill the traditional feminine role in her marriage by cooking meals, cleaning the house and being primary caretaker of the children. As Amelia wrote about yesterday, she advises satisfying your husband’s sexual desires at all times, fashioning herself into his own personal “puttana [Italian slang for "whore"]” in the bedroom, lest her husband be driven to cheat. She explains how Joe is liable to be less angry at her for making mistakes when she’s been putting out.

Then there’s the part where Gorga gives a thumbs-up to marital rape:

Men, I know you think your woman isn’t the type who wants to be taken. But trust me, she is. Every girl wants to get her hair pulled once in a while. If your wife says “no,” turn her around, and rip her clothes off. She wants to be dominated.

There’s the playful, “wink-wink-nudge-nudge” no that I hope Melissa Gorga is referring to. Then there’s the “no means no” no that makes turning your wife around and ripping her clothes off rape. Gorga doesn’t elucidate any difference. Nor does Gorga seem to find it disconcerting, as Jezebel pointed out, that Joe is prone to “violent outbursts” — like breaking a baby’s highchair — that cause her to “modify her own behavior” to please him. Still, Gorga repeatedly writes that marriage should based upon respect. Keep reading »

True Story: I Can Be A Kinky Feminist & A Messy Human Being

Misunderstanding Kink
Some folks don't understand kink is not sexual abuse. Read More »
Dominant Sex
I just want to be dominated in bed! Read More »
First Time: Spanking Party
spanking photo
This is what happens at a spanking party. Read More »
Fat Mike On BDSM
Fat Mike of NOFX
NOFX's Fat Mike talks about his BDSM lifestyle and persecution for kink. Read More »

A few years ago ….

Today, in 2012, I avoid him as much as I can. But my friend (?) Richard used to joke (?) that I only called him when I broke up with my boyfriends. Kinda true, kinda false. Regardless — a few years ago — I don’t even call him this time, I just end up at his apartment for some small party.

He scents the pain in me, and suddenly we’re in a back room, alone. One of the reasons he’s so good at this is that he smells vulnerability like a shark smells blood. I don’t remember whether I ask him to hurt me, or he just grabs me. “Something’s close to the surface,” I tell him, while he leaves bite-shaped bruises on my upper arm. He knows me; he doesn’t leave bruises in places I can’t cover with a t-shirt.

“What is it?” he asks, and I choke on it. I’m already starting to cry. We’ve only been doing this for a moment.

“Red,” I say. The safeword. I’m sobbing. “Red.” Richard stops immediately. “Tears,” I say. “Tears were close to the surface.” Keep reading »

Today’s Lady News: “In The Bedroom, Inequality Beats Equality”

  • “Men are aroused by being dominant and by submissive women, women are aroused by being submissive and by dominant men,” writes Ogi Ogas, Ph.D. in Psychology Today. “In the bedroom, inequality beats equality.” Those broad sweeping statements are fighting words, PT! Speaking strictly for myself, I agree with Ogi. But I wonder if other folks find this blanket statement about bedroom dynamics to ring true. Read the blog post and let me know in the comments. [Psychology Today]
  • Indiana lawmakers are toiling away at anti-abortion legislation which would require women to be told in writing that abortion could increase their chances of infertility and breast cancer, despite the fact that is medically false. Here, read the National Cancer Institute article about how the abortion/breast cancer link does not exist. And lawmakers are trying to legislate that scare tactic? SERIOUSLY, people?! [IndyStar.com]
  • A transgender woman named Brittany Novotny was elected president of Young Democrats of Oklahoma this weekend. Last year, Brittany challenged a homophobic politician for a seat in the state’s House of Representatives. Although Brittany didn’t win the election, she did win almost 35 percent of the vote. [Advocate]
  • Anyone else think far too much of “Saturday Night Live” this weekend was about Helen Mirren’s hot body? [TV Squad]

Keep reading »

Girl Talk: I’m A Feminist, But I Think I Want To Date A More Traditional Dude

One of the defining tensions in my life has always been reconciling my feminist political beliefs, my desire for a respectful and egalitarian relationship, and my attraction to more traditional alpha males. I passionately believe in women’s equality, in reproductive rights, and in equal pay for equal work. And I want to be in a loving, intimate, balanced relationship where everyone makes a contribution, whatever that might be. So why do those things seem so hard to reconcile with my desire to feel looked after and taken care of? Keep reading »

Why Do Strong Women Like To Be Dominated?

Imagine a woman: She has a college degree and a job, she pays for her own house and car, and she’s not intimidated by any man for any reason. She’s smart, independent and strong.

Isn’t it a puzzle, then, that she has sexual fantasies of being dominated?

Actually, researchers say, it makes perfect sense. Keep reading »

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