Tag Archives: dominance

On Alisa Valdes’s Conflict With Feminism, Her Cowboy & Domestic Abuse

Jessica WakemanJanuary 14, 2013 //
'50s Men Desirable?
1950s man
Dubiously sourced study says women find '50s-era men desirable. Read More »
Traditional Men
I'm a feminist, but I want to date a more traditional dude. Read More »
DV Advice
court room
... from a prosecutor who has seen it all. Read More »
the feminist and the cowboy

If you’ve been reading the blogosphere lately, you’ve likely heard about Alisa Valdes and her memoir, The Feminist And The Cowboy: An Unlikely Love Story. Valdes is the author several romance novels and the debut novel The Dirty Girls Social Club (as Valdes-Rodriguez), which landed her all kinds of accolades. She was even named one of the top feminist writers under 30 by Ms. magazine. Then, somewhere along the way, her feminist principles started to chafe: she felt like men were emasculated (“icky ‘liberal’ men,” she calls them in the book) and she resented feeling like women wore the pants. Soon Valdes fell for a Fox News-watching, macho cowboy who exuded an alpha male sexiness and she started to submit to him in their relationship. As the Amazon.com description of The Feminist And The Cowboy says, Valdes discovered ” “when men … act like men rather than like emasculated boys, you as a woman will find not only great pleasure in submitting to them but also great growth as a person.”

Alas, it didn’t quite work out the way. In fact, following the publication of The Feminist And The Cowboy, Valdes has now come forward to say the cowboy raped and physically and emotionally abused her.   Keep reading »

True Story: I Can Be A Kinky Feminist & A Messy Human Being

Clarisse ThornNovember 2, 2012 //
Misunderstanding Kink
Some folks don't understand kink is not sexual abuse. Read More »
Dominant Sex
I just want to be dominated in bed! Read More »
First Time: Spanking Party
spanking photo
This is what happens at a spanking party. Read More »
Fat Mike On BDSM
Fat Mike of NOFX
NOFX's Fat Mike talks about his BDSM lifestyle and persecution for kink. Read More »
true story
bdsm

A few years ago ….

Today, in 2012, I avoid him as much as I can. But my friend (?) Richard used to joke (?) that I only called him when I broke up with my boyfriends. Kinda true, kinda false. Regardless — a few years ago — I don’t even call him this time, I just end up at his apartment for some small party.

He scents the pain in me, and suddenly we’re in a back room, alone. One of the reasons he’s so good at this is that he smells vulnerability like a shark smells blood. I don’t remember whether I ask him to hurt me, or he just grabs me. “Something’s close to the surface,” I tell him, while he leaves bite-shaped bruises on my upper arm. He knows me; he doesn’t leave bruises in places I can’t cover with a t-shirt.

“What is it?” he asks, and I choke on it. I’m already starting to cry. We’ve only been doing this for a moment.

“Red,” I say. The safeword. I’m sobbing. “Red.” Richard stops immediately. “Tears,” I say. “Tears were close to the surface.” Keep reading »

First Time For Everything: A Spanking Party

Jessica WakemanJuly 3, 2012 //
Getting Spanked
spanking photo
There is a first time for everything! Read More »
Kinky Sex Tips
Kinky Sex Tips For Curious Vanilla Girls
For vanilla girls who want to try a little kink. 8 Photos »
Want To Try Spanking?
Doin' It With Dr. V explains how to spank and be spanked! Read More »
First Time For Everything
spanking photo

“Call me in one hour and tell me your boyfriend dumped you,” I told my girl friend as we stood outside the movie theater where we had just seen “Magic Mike.” “If the party’s weird and I want to leave, I’ll say ‘Oh my God, are you okay? I’ll come meet you!’ Got it?”

“Sure thing,” my friend promised.

“I’m texting you the address I’m going to right now,” I told her, tapping on my iPhone. “Just in case these people turn out to be rapist-murderers.”

“I’m sure they’ll be fine,” she soothed me. We hugged goodbye and parted at a street corner. “Have fun!” is what she called as I walked away.

Have fun at your spanking party is what she meant. Keep reading »

Thoughts From Guys On Our IM: Are You A Dom Or A Sub?

Amelia McDonell-ParryJuly 15, 2008 //

So, one of the gossip items making the rounds today is that Jake Gyllenhaal has to live by all sorts of CUH-RAZY rules now that he is living with Reese Witherspoon and her kids. Stuff like not putting his feet on the coffee table and being openly communicative all the time. The jist of the story is that Reese is, like, a mega-dominant partner and Jake’s got to be submissive — and that he likes it that way. But it got me thinking about the dudes on my IM and whether they play the role of dominant or submissive in their relationships — in and out of the bedroom. Their responses and a tangent about gender roles, after the jump… Keep reading »

If You’re Not Competitive, You Might Be Low On Estrogen

Catherine StrawnMay 1, 2008 //

Estrogen might be to women what testosterone is to men. Past research found that male traders made more money when their testosterone levels were high, and now new research has discovered a positive relationship between the level of estrogen and the unconscious need for dominance in women. “Estrogen is very behaviorally potent and is actually a close hormonal relative to testosterone,” said Steven Stanton, who was a part of the University of Michigan study. The study, published in Hormones and Behavior, says, that the positive relationship is the strongest in single women and those not taking oral contraceptives. [Reuters] Keep reading »