Well, if you’re married to a feminist [journalist, restaurateur and actress Elizabeth Chambers] as I am, then it’s…. I don’t know how much we can put here without my parents being embarrassed, but I used to like to be a dominant lover. I liked the grabbing of the neck and the hair and all that. But then you get married and your sexual appetites change. And I mean that for the better—it’s not like I’m suffering in any way. But you can’t really pull your wife’s hair. It gets to a point where you say, “I respect you too much to do these things that I kind of want to do.” … The two us will literally break out laughing in the middle of it, finish up and be like, “Well, that was oddly fun!” So it becomes a new kind of thing that’s less about “I want to dominate you” and more about both of us having a really good time. It’s just a different style.
Hey, Armie Hammer in Playboy, whaddya saying? Feminists can’t like dominant sex?! Not true! You can totally pull your wife’s hair anytime you want! I am curious as to why his sexual appetite changed for the better, in his opinion, after marriage. Perhaps having dominant/submissive sex was less intimate to him than whatever kind of sex he has with his wife.
After the jump, why we won’t be seeing Armie Hammer’s gorgeous mug onscreen in “50 Shades Of Grey,” ever: Keep reading »
If you’ve been reading the blogosphere lately, you’ve likely heard about Alisa Valdes and her memoir, The Feminist And The Cowboy: An Unlikely Love Story. Valdes is the author several romance novels and the debut novel The Dirty Girls Social Club (as Valdes-Rodriguez), which landed her all kinds of accolades. She was even named one of the top feminist writers under 30 by Ms. magazine. Then, somewhere along the way, her feminist principles started to chafe: she felt like men were emasculated (“icky ‘liberal’ men,” she calls them in the book) and she resented feeling like women wore the pants. Soon Valdes fell for a Fox News-watching, macho cowboy who exuded an alpha male sexiness and she started to submit to him in their relationship. As the Amazon.com description of The Feminist And The Cowboy says, Valdes discovered ” “when men … act like men rather than like emasculated boys, you as a woman will find not only great pleasure in submitting to them but also great growth as a person.”
Alas, it didn’t quite work out the way. In fact, following the publication of The Feminist And The Cowboy, Valdes has now come forward to say the cowboy raped and physically and emotionally abused her. Keep reading »
A few years ago ….
Today, in 2012, I avoid him as much as I can. But my friend (?) Richard used to joke (?) that I only called him when I broke up with my boyfriends. Kinda true, kinda false. Regardless — a few years ago — I don’t even call him this time, I just end up at his apartment for some small party.
He scents the pain in me, and suddenly we’re in a back room, alone. One of the reasons he’s so good at this is that he smells vulnerability like a shark smells blood. I don’t remember whether I ask him to hurt me, or he just grabs me. “Something’s close to the surface,” I tell him, while he leaves bite-shaped bruises on my upper arm. He knows me; he doesn’t leave bruises in places I can’t cover with a t-shirt.
“What is it?” he asks, and I choke on it. I’m already starting to cry. We’ve only been doing this for a moment.
“Red,” I say. The safeword. I’m sobbing. “Red.” Richard stops immediately. “Tears,” I say. “Tears were close to the surface.” Keep reading »
“Call me in one hour and tell me your boyfriend dumped you,” I told my girl friend as we stood outside the movie theater where we had just seen “Magic Mike.” “If the party’s weird and I want to leave, I’ll say ‘Oh my God, are you okay? I’ll come meet you!’ Got it?”
“Sure thing,” my friend promised.
“I’m texting you the address I’m going to right now,” I told her, tapping on my iPhone. “Just in case these people turn out to be rapist-murderers.”
“I’m sure they’ll be fine,” she soothed me. We hugged goodbye and parted at a street corner. “Have fun!” is what she called as I walked away.
Have fun at your spanking party is what she meant. Keep reading »
So, one of the gossip items making the rounds today is that Jake Gyllenhaal has to live by all sorts of CUH-RAZY rules now that he is living with Reese Witherspoon and her kids. Stuff like not putting his feet on the coffee table and being openly communicative all the time. The jist of the story is that Reese is, like, a mega-dominant partner and Jake’s got to be submissive — and that he likes it that way. But it got me thinking about the dudes on my IM and whether they play the role of dominant or submissive in their relationships — in and out of the bedroom. Their responses and a tangent about gender roles, after the jump… Keep reading »
Estrogen might be to women what testosterone is to men. Past research found that male traders made more money when their testosterone levels were high, and now new research has discovered a positive relationship between the level of estrogen and the unconscious need for dominance in women. “Estrogen is very behaviorally potent and is actually a close hormonal relative to testosterone,” said Steven Stanton, who was a part of the University of Michigan study. The study, published in Hormones and Behavior, says, that the positive relationship is the strongest in single women and those not taking oral contraceptives. [Reuters] Keep reading »