A few years ago, I posted a roommate request on Craigslist. I received a handful of responses, and after weeding out the crazies, I invited a few people to come see the apartment. One afternoon, a girl I had contacted stopped by with her boyfriend. She seemed nice, respectful and she really liked the place. I remember her boyfriend walked around the whole time with a look of delight on his face, as if to say, “Wow, you could actually live here!” Shortly after meeting them, I told the girl she could have the place. This is how Tam and Fred* came into my life.
At first things went really well. Tam was a very sweet person and a considerate roommate. Fred spent a lot of time at our apartment, but he was so friendly I didn’t mind his presence. He would go out of his way to talk to me when he was over and to see how I was doing. If Tam was busy, he would watch TV with me and talk. During these conversations, I learned something important about Fred: he was an idiot. Keep reading »
If you’ve been reading the blogosphere lately, you’ve likely heard about Alisa Valdes and her memoir, The Feminist And The Cowboy: An Unlikely Love Story. Valdes is the author several romance novels and the debut novel The Dirty Girls Social Club (as Valdes-Rodriguez), which landed her all kinds of accolades. She was even named one of the top feminist writers under 30 by Ms. magazine. Then, somewhere along the way, her feminist principles started to chafe: she felt like men were emasculated (“icky ‘liberal’ men,” she calls them in the book) and she resented feeling like women wore the pants. Soon Valdes fell for a Fox News-watching, macho cowboy who exuded an alpha male sexiness and she started to submit to him in their relationship. As the Amazon.com description of The Feminist And The Cowboy says, Valdes discovered ” “when men … act like men rather than like emasculated boys, you as a woman will find not only great pleasure in submitting to them but also great growth as a person.”
Alas, it didn’t quite work out the way. In fact, following the publication of The Feminist And The Cowboy, Valdes has now come forward to say the cowboy raped and physically and emotionally abused her. Keep reading »
This post was reprinted with permission from BlackBookMag.com.
The New York Post got its hands on the new memoir by music honcho Tommy Mottola and the paper’s most depressing article today is a long piece detailing all the ways Mottola outlined his abuse of ex-wife and ex-employee, Mariah Carey. Mottola first came into contact with then-18-year-old singer through a mix tape. He might have fallen in love with — and set his sights on making money from — her voice, but he very quickly turned their relationship into a sexually exploitative, controlling and emotionally abusive one. Keep reading »
Today In We Should Be Careful About Posting Other People’s Photos On The Internet Accusing Them Of Shit They May Not Have Actually Done:
Former MTV VJ Dave Holmes took to his Tumblr blog today to clear something up: he is not the Dave Holmes who is managing/dating Azealia Banks and allegedly tried to rough her up.
So kindly please stop reposting pictures of him on the Internet accusing him of being a domestic abuser, okay? Keep reading »
A priest in a northern village in Italy posted some helpful tips for ladies on how to avoid getting beaten by their husbands. “Healthy self-criticism” is necessary for women to make sure there’s nothing they could be doing differently to stop getting beat, such as cooking more dinners, doing the laundry, and dressing more modestly. Keep reading »
Kansas City Chiefs player Jovan Belcher murdered his girlfriend Kasandra Perkins because there was a question about their three-month-old child’s paternity, The New York Post is reporting.
Belcher’s mother Cheryl Sheperd was in the couple’s home on December 1 when Belcher shot Perkins nine times, before driving to a stadium and killing himself. The Post claims his mother told police the couple had been fighting about whether he was the child’s biological father before the murder-suicide. Keep reading »
Last week an anonymous prosecutor who has prosecuted a domestic violence caseload explained to us, from her professional point of view, how we should respond when we have friends or family members in abusive relationships. Some of the comments objected to her use of the pronoun “he” as the aggressor and “she” as the victim. Here the prosecutor, who requested anonymity, is back to respond.
Absolutely, men can be and are victims of domestic violence. The choice to use the pronoun she exclusively was a choice that I made as the author because the majoriy of reported domestic violence victims are women. The data also shows that women are more likely than men to report incidents of domestic violence, according to Measuring Intimate Partner Violence by National Institute of Justice. Keep reading »
On December 1st, the sports world was in shock as reports came in that Jovan Belcher, a linebacker for the Kansas City Chiefs, died in a murder-suicide, killing himself at the Chiefs training facility after murdering the mother of his three-month-old child in their home. Most people tried to figure out what would make a good kid like Belcher, who appeared to “have it all,” end his life in this way. But I found myself asking, “But what about the girlfriend? Does she even have a name?”
Her name was Kasandra Perkins. The 22-year-old mother had given birth in September and now she was dead. Gone. Keep reading »
Two weeks ago, I wrote an essay about how I witnessed a man committing domestic violence against a woman outside my apartment. I received many incredible emails from readers, including one from a prosecutor who has previously had a DV caseload. She advised me to contact my local precinct and give a statement about what I saw; in her experience, that witness testimony has helped put the abuser behind bars. I asked this prosecutor — who requested anonymity — if she had any advice about how to help victims of DV from a professional standpoint. Here’ what she is sharing with readers of The Frisky. — Jessica
When I read Jessica’s article on domestic violence, I didn’t think of the victim, the bystanders and their inaction, or the abuser. I thought about the prosecutor on whose desk that case would land. I knew statistically speaking, by the time the prosecutor sees the case, the victim has likely recanted. I thought about the volume of evidence that was right before me, in Jessica’s article. I thought about that prosecutor because I am a prosecutor. Keep reading »