The first thing anyone asks a battered woman is: “Why did you put up with that?” Domestic violence is the only crime I can think of—well, besides rape—where the victim is treated as complicit in her own abuse.
This is why I rarely talk about my two-year relationship with a batterer. I wasn’t a housewife with no resources, I was a teenager and he was my first boyfriend. He beat me, raped me and stalked me. After I escaped, it was years before I told anyone what I’d been through because I was so ashamed. I still avoid the topic with those close to me.
What people don’t understand is that abusers don’t generally punch you in the face on the first date. If they did, nobody would ever go out with them twice. But there are some early warning signs—and as much as you might hate to admit it to yourself, the fact is, even a strong, smart, independent woman can find herself on the wrong end of the fist. Here are some behaviors to watch out for … Keep reading »
Good news, domestic abusers! An Islamic court in the United Arab Emirates has ruled a husband or father can “discipline” his wife and children as long as he does not leave any marks. This decision follows a ruling where a man was taken to court for slapping his wife, injuring her bottom lip and teeth, and kicking his 23-year-old daughter, causing her to bruise. Keep reading »
It’s been a year and nine months since the night Rihanna and Chris Brown got into a fight that turned physical, leaving Rihanna with a long laundry list of injuries. But now, an unnamed person is trying to peddle never-before-seen pictures taken of Rihanna in the emergency room. This makes us want to scream. Keep reading »
Shocker: Courteney Cox and David Arquette have a totally kinky sex life. Apparently, they’re furries; in other words, they enjoy dressing up like rabbits and humping one another. OK, not really. In actuality, they’re engaging in a little three-way bunny fun with a special friend for this PSA about domestic violence. The transition from furries to abuse is a little jarring, but it did get our attention. [I Heart Chaos] Keep reading »
Most of us have no qualms about calling the cops when our neighbors practice guitar chords at 3 a.m. But all too many people are content to mind their own business when they hear a couple’s argument veer in to dangerous territory. This new interactive PSA from the UK’s Metropolitan Police gives you two different options: one if you call 999 to report domestic violence, another if you don’t. It’s chilling, but powerful. [Feministing] Keep reading »
Yesterday, Charlie Sheen pleaded guilty to the misdemeanor assault charge in his domestic violence case after a fight broke out between he and his wife, Brooke Mueller, on Christmas Day; in exchange, the two other charges against Sheen were dropped and he avoided jail time. Instead, Sheen will spend 30 days in rehab, must complete 36 hours of domestic violence counseling, and is on probation for 90 days. So, let me get this straight … Sheen held a knife to Mueller’s throat and told her, “If you tell anyone, I’ll kill you,” and he doesn’t even have to spend a day in jail? It’s worth noting, of course, that though she reported the assault to police, Mueller has not been cooperating with authorities since. However, it is not unheard of for domestic violence victims to come to the defense of their abusers — it’s all part of the cycle of abuse. Keep reading »
Thanks to our girl Judy McGuire for calling my attention to the latest advice column from Salon’s Cary Tennis. A woman writes to Tennis that she’s “in a loving but violent marriage” in which her husband has “only” beat her up a couple of times, including the time he punched and stomped her while she was pregnant. She’s writing to Tennis because she’s upset that the domestic violence hotline she called advised her to leave her husband and she wants to know her other options. Shockingly, Tennis offers her an alternative to getting the f**k out and never looking back, but first he indulges in a little rambling prose.
“In this fictional world you are safe. So I can speak to you one soul to another. I can grant you the freedom to see yourself as the object and creation of your own limitless imagination. Then you are free to inquire: What do you want, O dish thrower? What do you want, O restrainer, kicker, puncher? What is it that you are hungry for?”
Keep reading »