Tag Archives: domestic abuse

ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith Suggests To Abused Women: “Let’s Make Sure We Don’t Do Anything To Provoke Wrong Actions”

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Just Stop Talking, Dude ...
  • Hoo boy. So, on the ESPN program “First Take,” panelist Stephen A. Smith was discussing the suspension of NFL player Ray Rice for two games in the upcoming season. Rice faces jail-time for aggravated assault on his wife, Janay Rice. In discussing Rice’s suspension, Smith oh so helpfully turned it around on women, imploring “let’s make sure we don’t do anything to provoke wrong actions.” Smith also suggested, “We … got to make sure  [women] can do your part to do whatever you can to do make, to try to make sure it doesn’t happen.” Yeah, he actually went there with suggesting that potential victims could have just prevented what happened to them by not pissing their violent offender off! Anyway, today, in a huffy series of tweets in which he whined about getting called out by “Sports Nation”‘s Michelle Beadle, Smith complained that what he said was “misconstrued.” Then he repeats almost as many times as he did in his original speech that domestic violence is wrong wrong wrong. It’s bad enough to blame victims of violence. But then he has to try and twist his words as if he didn’t really mean what he actually said? I mean, if you’re going to be a shithead, at least stand by it. [Deadspin (1), Deadspin (2), SB Nation] Keep reading »

15-Year-Old Girl Plays Dead After Abusive Ex-Uncle Murders Her Whole Family

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Here’s a story that has me heavy in the heart:

Last night in Spring, Texas, a man looking for his ex-wife — whom he had beaten in the past — tied up and murdered the ex-wife’s sister, brother-in-law, and four of their children “execution-style” after they would not reveal his ex-wife’s location.

Ron Lee Haskell forced himself into his sister-in-law’s house near Houston while looking for his ex-wife Melanie Haskell (who was not there). He reportedly tied up everyone in the family and asked them to reveal his ex-wife’s location. When they couldn’t or wouldn’t answer, he shot six of them to death and wounded another, a 15-year-old girl named Cassidy Stay.

Cassidy told police she played dead until her ex-uncle left, at which point she called 911 and reported that Haskell was on his way to murder her grandparents. That phone call by Cassidy — who is currently in critical condition — appears to have saved her grandparents’ lives. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: 5 Red Flags That Told Me To Leave

On Abused Women
Facts about why abused women stay with their abusers. Read More »
Spot A Narcissist
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Four ways to spot a narcissist before he becomes your boyfriend. Read More »
No Respect Warning Signs
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Eight warning signs a partner does not respect you. Read More »

He seemed sweet at first. In fact, he had many sweet moments. But then there was the other stuff …

Abusive behavior isn’t as simple as we, as a society, want it to be. We often think that the kinds of signs that tell you a man could be abusive are very obvious. We imagine monsters, overtly misogynist thugs. We think of extreme physical violence as being the key – or the only – signifier. But often the violence doesn’t start until a relationship is already established – sometimes not until after a woman has moved in with her boyfriend, marries him, or becomes pregnant. In fact, the leading cause of death in pregnant women is domestic homicide, which is to say they are killed by their intimate partners. If we limit our understanding of abusive behavior to physical violence, we risk ignoring other red flags we should be heeding. Keep reading »

Artwork Depicting Nigella Lawson Being Strangled Is Posted On Her Ex-Husband’s Website

nigella lawson strangling art

The image of Nigella Lawson with her then-husband’s hands around her throat is seared into my memory. If you remember, back in 2013, Lawson and businessman/art gallery owner Charles Saatchi were seated in a London restaurant, arguing, when he placed his hands around her neck as if to choke her. A photographer happened to catch the incident, which went on for close to 30 minutes, as Lawson cried. The fact that it was caught on camera was a rare and disturbing reminder of the ubiquity of domestic violence, even among the wealthy and powerful.

So what are we to think then, exactly, when several artists have created artwork depicting Nigella Lawson being strangled and posted it on Saatchi’s web site? Keep reading »

This Is How A Small Town In Arkansas Failed A Domestic Violence Victim

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  • My friend Melissa Jeltsen has a piece on The Huffington Post about how the local criminal justice system in Arkansas failed Laura Aceves, a 21-year-old woman who was murdered by her abusive ex-boyfriend. When she was killed, her ex had been out on bail for two prior attacks on Aceves, including aggravated assault; he had also repeatedly violated the no-contact order. The local sheriff is utterly unconcerned with the problem of domestic violence, telling Huffington Post that there should be more focus on “what’s wrong with the women.” Yes, really. [Huffington Post] Keep reading »

PurrVerse: I Don’t Need Male Protection, Thanks

PurrVerse: I Don't Need Male Protection, Thanks

Women are given mixed messages on a regular basis. We’re told that we’re shattering glass ceilings and are independent ladies, while at the same time we’re told we’re a mess barely keeping ourselves together. Just today I got a Facebook advert demanding my attention so I can discover the newest fad diet that doesn’t really work. I’m told I should love my body and loathe it on a regular basis. I’ve come to expect that kind of thing.

Recently The Washington Post cited a study by the Bureau of Justice purportedly telling women that we should stop taking so many lovers and instead marry our “baby daddy.” That choice of words speaks rather clearly about the fundamental racism and classism indicated within the article and the logic being displayed. We are not talking about wealthy white women here, are we? Keep reading »

18-Year-Old Girl In Pakistan Survives Attempted “Honor Killing”

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  • An 18-year-old girl in Pakistan survived an attempted “honor killing” for marrying the man she loved. Her father, brother, aunt and uncle shot her twice, stuffed her body in a sack, and dumped her body in a canal. Luckily, the victim was helped to safety by two passersby. However, recently a pregnant 25-year-old woman in Pakistan was murdered in an “honor killing” because she married a man of her own choosing. [New York Daily News]
  • R. Kelly’s 14-year-old teen son, Jay, has reportedly been outed as transgender. Not so surprisingly, some of the media coverage is pretty terrible. [ColorLines]
  • New Hampshire’s governor is expected to sign a bill that would mandate 25-foot “buffer zones” outside of reproductive health clinics to keep anti-abortion protesters from harassing staff and patients. [Boston.com] Keep reading »

8 Warning Signs A Partner Doesn’t Respect You

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Amelia recently sent me a link to a Tumblr that will absolutely gut you. It’s called When Women Refuse and it collects news article about women who became victims of violence after they tried to leave a male partner or rejected sexual advances. We know that violence is fundamentally about control and therefore the most dangerous time during an abusive relationship is when a person tries to leave. All too often, children and other bystanders are injured or killed, too. The statistics about abusive relationships show that they are frighteningly common. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, one in four women and one in seven men over age 18 will be the victims of severe physical violence during their lifetime. Statistics also show that half of both men and women will experience “psychological aggression” by a partner during their lifetime. Stereotypes about what an “abused woman” is supposed to look like don’t do us any good because victims are all around us. They are our neighbors, our cousins, our sisters, our coworkers, our friends. Abusive relationships thrive in part because over time, the pattern of the abuse becomes normal. The abuse starts with smaller areas of control and then escalates until it becomes reality, which the person on the inside may not even see. But even if we have not been in a textbook abusive relationship per se, I’m sure many of us have had moments with partner or a friend where he or she did something that felt wrong.

In the spirit of #YesAllWomen — which is drawing attention to the physical and sexual violence all women experience —  I want to share some warning signs that a partner or other person does not respect you, your boundaries, or your personal space. These are all anonymous, real world examples from me, my friends and co-workers. Keep reading »

Family Stones Pakistani Woman To Death In So-Called “Honor Killing” For Marrying Man She Loved [UPDATE]

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[UPDATE, 5/28:] The New York Times reports that Farazana Parveen was three months pregnant when she was killed. [New York Times]

A 25-year-old woman was murdered by nearly 20 family members in Pakistan today because she “dishonored” the family by marrying the man she loved.

Faranza Bibi was stoned to death in a so-called “honor killing” in broad daylight while waiting outside of a Lahore court with her husband. Faranza had intended to challenge a kidnapping charge filed by her family. She intended to tell the court she willingly married the man of her own choosing, Muhammad Iqbal, and did not want an arranged marriage to her cousin. Before the court opened, her father, brothers and former fiance descended upon her with bricks and sticks. Faranza was pronounced dead at a hospital from severe head injuries. Iqbal managed to escape the attack. Keep reading »

Report: “The Shield” Actor Michael Jace Had A Past History Of Domestic Violence

  • More details have emerged about “The Shield” star Michael Jace, who murdered his wife, April Jace, yesterday: he was accused of choking and beating his ex-wife, Jennifer Bitterman, which was reportedly witnessed by a friend. April allegedly defended him during the divorce from his ex and told officials he was good with her child. The couple reportedly argued last night about money before Michael Jace shot her in the face in front of their two children. This death is terribly sad, but I’m not surprised to hear that an abuser had a past history of hurting women or that his current partner thought to herself, He would never do it to me.  [TMZ (1), TMZ (2), TMZ (3)] Keep reading »
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