Because Barbie’s careers in medicine, dentistry, teaching, astronomy, and pop music were always total bulls**t, right Mattel? [Topless Robot]

Barbie collectors, get psyched for December: Mattel is launching their “Ladies of the ‘80s” line, complete with mini interpretations of the great Joan Jett, Debbie Harry, and Cyndi Lauper. Joan is dressed in not only leather pants but also hot pink high tops, while Cyndi flashes her fishnets, and Debbie shows off a pink body-conscious strappy dress that could easily be worn today. One thing that would make these dolls even better? They should come with their own personal soundtracks. [Jezebel]

Mattel recently released a line of black Barbie dolls that is supposed to be more authentic. The So In Style by Barbie dolls, developed by Stacy McBride-Irby, have fuller lips, curlier hair, and three distinct skin tones. Some have criticized these dolls for not being authentic enough and having long brown hair, while others have praised them, saying they’re a step towards changing beauty ideals and giving black girls a positive representation of themselves. But this isn’t the first time Mattel has released a line of dolls to represent black women specifically.

Yesterday, many of you expressed shock and outrage at Hallmark’s tragic sexification (is that a word? probably not) of one of Gen Y’s most beloved children’s characters, the once-indefatigable Rainbow Brite. And R.B. wasn’t the first to get the Bratz treatment—lots of other mini-icons have been put through the ringer to please a generation of kidlins who’ve grown up surrounded by the living Barbie dolls who are blatant plastic surgery devotees. But for all their sickening contributions to the “princess syndrome,” Disney finally did right by one of their most famous characters, from a more feminist perspective anyway. While Tinker Bell, created in 1953, always had that total Marilyn Monroe-bod working for her, we worried that she must’ve gotten awfully cold flying around Neverland without any pants on. (So ahead of her time though, right Lady Gaga?) She’s recently been redesigned for a starring role in a DVD, “Tinker Bell and the Lost Treasure,” to be released later this month. Not only is sister now doin’ it for herself (she’s dropped that hapless Peter Pan like a bad habit), she’s dressed for success in boots, a capelet (so chic) layered over long sleeves, hat and leggings. Let’s just hope the latter aren’t made by Lindsay Lohan. [ONTD]

Rainbow Brite was the original fag hag, what with her sassy attitude, outrageous clothes and her BF, Twink. Those of us who were little kids in the ‘80s spent Saturday mornings entranced by her intergalactic adventures, and she was a good role model for young girls because she could do anything the boys could (and usually told all them what to do). One thing our beloved heroine was not: sexy. And that’s OK, because she is a children’s character. Fast-forward to spring 2010, when Hallmark will unveil the modern Rainbow Brite and Co. The original childish bodies have been replaced by elongated, leggy versions of their former selves. Twink’s new name is Twinkle (gee, wonder why?). Wait a sec, didn’t this happen to Strawberry Shortcake and Dora, too? When will the madness end? [Jezebel]

The outrageous before and after, plus a bonus vintage video, after the jump!

Seems like Karl Lagerfeld has been lightening up recently which is nice, because, really dude, why so serious? Now the K-man’s image is getting a makeover in the form of a 10-inch collectible. Designed by Tokidoki, Mini Karl comes all Manga‘d-out, but still retains his signature style: black suit, tie, sunglasses, fingerless gloves. (Although, that stance actually looks Schwarzenegger-esque, no?)

Naturally, Karl wouldn’t want just anyone getting their hands on the doll. The limited edition collection contains just 1,000 models, which will be sold at Colette in Paris, and in the New York and L.A. Tokidoki stores.

Of course, all Mini Karl might do is make real Karl’s ego bigger. [WWD]

Please file this under totally gratuitous, irrational, over the top, luxury: super pricey figurines by Lanvin. The Paris-based luxury label has partnered with Franz Porcelain to create a line of limited edition dolls that range in price from $210 to $375. What makes them so special? Nothing really, except that the collection of six handcrafted pieces are all dolled up (pun intended) in the latest looks from the House of Lanvin. So to put it in perspective, the fact that a dress from Lanvin might cost several thousand dollars but a doll wearing the same from Lanvin only costs a couple of hundred makes this a steal, right? OK, maybe not. In case you do agree though, please note that these are limited edition. Only 800 per style will be put into production and will be available at Lanvin boutiques worldwide. [Fashionista]

Sure, we all cringed at “Baby Alive”—like your kid doesn’t eat, poop and pee enough, they had to have a toy that does too. But even that pales in comparison to the grossness that is the new breastfeeding baby doll. Yes, you read that right. Because of all the things a little girl needs to know about being a woman, learning how to breast-feed before she even has breasts needs to happen ASAP. Spanish toy maker, Berjuan, has just released Bebe Gloton, translation “Baby Glutton.” And this hungry baby cries until its child mama suckles it. The doll even comes with a nursing bra for mom! Do kids have to grow up this fast? Check out the video after the jump, but warning: you may be the one who ends up crying.

Some people will stop at nothing to make a profit and HeroBuilders.com is no exception. This site specializes in making action figures of newsworthy folks like Sarah Palin, Jon Gosselin, and George Bush. But now that ESPN sportscaster Erin Andrews has been catapulted into fame because some creep decided to film her naked in her hotel room, the site is going to immortalize her forever in colored plastic.

We were sad when American Girl discontinued Samantha Parkington, our favorite doll, but it seems the company was making way for a new girl: Rebecca Rubin.

Susan Boyle hasn’t even won “Britain’s Got Talent,” yet she’s already sealed her place in pop-culture history with a tiny doll created in her likeness. Created by 46-year-old Debbie Ritter from Illinois, who says she’s watched Boyle’s YouTube video “literally one thousand times,” the dolls are made from clothes pegs, wire, and clay. Ritter painstakingly hand paints each four-inch doll and assembles miniature dowdy church-lady outfits for which Susan Boyle is so well known. Of making the dolls, Ritter says: “It’s a lot of work and each doll takes at least a couple of hours. It’s more of a hobby than a job for me but I sell them to collectors too.” The dolls sell for about $21 at Ritter’s Etsy shop. You could also buy a Paul Potts doll from Ritter for $22 and then make Susan and Paul make out. If you’re sick like that. [Telegraph]

Today is Barbie’s OFFICIAL 50th Birthday, after many weeks worth of pre-celebration (she always seemed like a party girl…). There’s always going to be debate over the positive and negative effects that Barbie has on little girls, but I think most women would agree that there is one universal truth when it comes to the doll—Barbie was not nearly as wholesome as Mattel intended for her to be. Sarah Haskins writes about objectifying Barbie in The Washington Post, while Hortense over at Jezebel talks about the decapitation phase she went through with her Barbie, Ken, and Skipper dolls. Personally, I used to strip Barbie, Ken, and friends of their clothes and make them hump in various sexual positions, all the while feeling highly sneaky and naughty. With that in mind, I asked some of our Frisky gals what they did with their Barbies besides dressing them up and playing house…

Remember those Malia and Sasha TyGirls dolls that just happened to come out in January and also happened to resemble the first daughters? Well, a spokeswoman for Michelle Obama had said that the dolls were inappropriately using “young private citizens for marketing purposes,” and suddenly Ty has retired the dolls. Really though, they’ve just been renamed Sweet Sydney and Marvelous Mariah in deference to the President’s family. The first lady’s people couldn’t be more pleased: “We appreciate the company’s response to this matter,” said Obama’s spokeswoman. That’s right, you don’t wanna mess with the first mother.

Ty, the toy company that makes Beanie Babies, recently released dolls named “Sweet Sasha” (left) and “Marvelous Malia” (right) as part of their TyGirlz Collection. The company, based outside of Chicago in Oak Brook, IL, said they chose those names because “they are beautiful names,” rather than because they’re the names of the First Daughters. “There’s nothing on the dolls that refers to the Obama girls,” said spokesperson Tania Lundeen. “It would not be fair to say they are exact replications of these girls. They are not.” Clearly— the real Obama girls are way cuter. [AP]

Don’t want to give you baby girl some plastic doll with a wack sense of what women look like? Well, check out DYKEdolls, an alternative action figure that positively portrays ladies and the lesbian lifestyle.  Just look at the adorable family of Kelly, Christine and baby Soo! Or how about a total Betty in a basketball uniform? There’s even a gayelle Cali skater chick! Now these are gals we’d all like to play with…regardless of sexual orientation. [DykeDolls.com via Buzzfeed]

This morning on “The Today Show”, Matt Lauer interviewed three women (all between ages 40-60) who still play with dolls. Very, very lifelike dolls. And by play with, we mean they dress them up, lay them in cribs, strap them into car seats, and generally act like they are real babies. Awkwardly weird clip above.