do not want

Style

In case a bad hair day threatens to ruin your photos, the Selfie Brush does double duty as a hair tamer and phone case. That way, you don’t have to bother to put your brush down and then pick up your phone before taking a selfie, which will save you approximately three whole seconds. It also… READ MORE »


Guys

I don’t feel like “Do Not Want” really even captures my gut-level reaction to these $455 jean shorts (jorts, if you’re nasty) for men. “Fuck no, stop triflin'” or “Get the fuck out of here with this nonsense” is more accurate. Jorts — that is, denim shorts that have been hemmed, not simply jeans that have been… READ MORE »


Love & Sex

“When I was in middle school, everyone joked about making out with pillows for practice,” said Emily King, the designer who created the Make-Out Practice Pillow. “I’m assuming that I was not the only one for whom the jokes had some truth.”

Emily, who was inspired to make the pillow with a mouth… READ MORE »


Style

When I look out the window right now, I see snow blanketing New York City, further sign that Punxsutawney Phil wasn’t joking when he saw his shadow and predicted four more months of winter. And while I am longing for the warmer temperatures of spring, one thing is giving me pause. The fact that, according to… READ MORE »


Style

One of the items shown above is a pair of petite faux leather overalls from ASOS. The other is a pair of men’s rubber chest waders from Amazon. Can you tell which is which? I’m still trying to figure it out… … READ MORE »


Style

I’m very intrigued by the new wave of accessories that has cropped up specifically to cater to teenage hipsters attending music festivals (I’m looking at you, giant floral crowns and crocheted bikini tops). Fanciful garters and other thigh decorations meant to be paired with super short shorts are another trend in this category. Pretty sure… READ MORE »


Celebs

See this white T-shirt here? I bet you thought it was just a standard plain white tee you’d get in a Hanes 3-pack, didn’t you? Siiiiiiiigh. Could you be any less fashion savvy? This is obviously a “hip hop t-shirt,” designed by Kanye West in a collaboration with French fashion brand A.P.C. It’s made of… READ MORE »


Style

This here is a $295 beach cover up from Haute Hippie. I imagine this sort of thing would look totally appropriate if you’re sunning yourself on a billionaire’s private yacht off the coast of Ibitttttha. But for the 99.9999 percent of the rest of us for whom that seems a distant prospect, this “beach cover-up” READ MORE »


Style

This swimsuit, which appears to be constructed out of either large keychains or discarded 6-pack rings, balances on your boobs so precariously that if you don’t stand perfectly still in the exact pose this model is in, I’m pretty sure it will just pop off. I’ve seen plenty of swimsuits that aren’t meant for actual… READ MORE »


Style

This busted, ’90s-inspired, rhinestone-covered, I-could-probably-get something-comparable-for-$9.99-at-Capezio’s body suit by Michael Kors is priced at $5,450. That is all. [Yoox] … READ MORE »


Style

Remember when Converse started selling pre-scuffed sneakers for $65 and I thought it was the dumbest thing ever? I take it back. I take it all back. Go buy all the dirty Converse you want. They’re a great deal compared to these stained, rusted, worn-out (but technically still “new”) sneakers from Italian brand A Diciannoveventitre… READ MORE »


Style

Dear Topshop, I’m not sure why anyone would willingly purchase a pair of mom jeans, but I think everyone knows that an authentic pair can be procured at any Kohl’s or Kmart for much, much less than the $65 price you’ve slapped on these acid-washed, tapered, high-waisted monstrosities. Seriously. Make it stop. [Bleach Acid Mom… READ MORE »


Style

One of the worst things about normal sweaters is that they cover up the glistening, hairy man chests that the world deserves to see. Firebox’s “70s Hairy Chest Sweater” solves that problem in truly horrifying style, with a printed image of a naked torso, complete with shiny belly hair and a gaudy necklace. This polyester… READ MORE »


Style

This “pinafore dress” from Zara is reminding me of one of those old-timey bathing suits from the 1800s, which is reminding me of the episode of “Seinfeld” where Newman wears one of those bathing suits while yelling “Olly olly oxen free!” and cannonballing into a pool, which is a lovely memory, but not really an… READ MORE »


Style

If I work really hard, I can almost convince myself that these Barbie boob necklaces are funky and irreverent and cool, but then I remember they’re made from disembodied doll parts, and get creeped out. If that wasn’t bad enough, I can only imagine that adding a second pair of boobs to my chest area… READ MORE »


Style

If you’ve been searching for the perfect pair of tights that will go with any outfit and make you look like you have a large amount of black tar seeping out of your nether regions, well, look no further! German brand URB has a whole section of melting hosiery to fit your needs. [Boing Boing]… READ MORE »


Style

I am known for being cool, calm and collected under duress. But that all goes out the window when duress involves a spider. Especially a big spiders. Growing up, sometimes you’d open a closet and there’d be a big one with long hairy legs staring right back at you. So I have to say these… READ MORE »


Style

I am what one might call a leisurely bather. If one wished for some reason to paint me in a less flattering light, “bathroom hog” may or may not be the term best used to describe my habits. I can say with all honesty that I have never taken a shower in under 20 minutes;… READ MORE »


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