What are you doing right now? Is it after noon? Actually, I don’t care if it is or not: go pour yourself a glass of something cold and boozy and join me in a toast to Katie Holmes, free woman.
I don’t much keep up with celebrity goings-on, certainly not beyond the two-month-old Us Weekly rags at the nail salon. I couldn’t pick Selena Gomez out of a line-up of young brunette actresses; I am unsure how many Kardashian family members there are. But Joey? From ”Dawson’s Creek”? We have a connection that cannot be broken; a connection forged when she sang that song from Les Mis on the show and I was all, Tell Dawson you love him, girl! Or was it Pacey? I didn’t watch very closely.
So perhaps my connection to Katie Holmes is tenuous. Fine. Still, I found myself actually excited when I heard she was divorcing Tom Cruise. And then I was even more excited when I read about how she went about it like a classy divorce-bomb-dropping spy bailing off the S.S. Fucking Weirdo — using a burner cellphone, having secret lawyers in three states on call, having her negotiation terms ready to roll. Keep reading »
After watching Tom Cruise jump around on Oprah’s sofa like a complete dumbass, I think we all (well, some of us) knew his overly excessive enthusiasm for “falling in love” with Katie Holmes was a total hoax. While watching the video again of Cruise violently shaking a nervously laughing Oprah, it was obvious to many that Cruise’s firm and forceful grip on Holmes would not take hold for long. Plenty of rumors are flying about the TomKat divorce, announced this Friday — these entertaining hearsays could have you jumping on your couch, too! Keep reading »
Ding dong the alien husband is dead! Katie Holmes is free at last to roam the earth as a normal human woman again. Rejoice! Now that her marriage contract is up and she’s announced that she’s divorcing Tom, she’s available to date normal human men again. She could pick up right where she left off and go back to her former fiancé, Chris Klein. Only, in the time that she’s been fulfilling her wifely requirements, Chris has been racking up DUIs and stuff. So …probably not. And Tom? Well, we assume he’ll be putting out a help wanted ad for a young ingenue whose career needs a boost. Must love Scientology! After the jump, we have some suggestions for them. Keep reading »
Last week’s Hitched column was all about the “myth of the happily married woman,” challenging the idea that marriage is some kind of natural state of being for women, who are biologically and culturally destined to need a man to complete their happiness.
Whether you believe in the Man Jesus or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, it is a cruel supreme being, indeed, who would create women to be destined for lovey-dovey hearts-and-rainbows partnership, and create ramblin’ men only to burp and drink beer and stick their penises in the closest convenient hole. Keep reading »
Wouldn’t you feel like shit, and wouldn’t I look like a jerk, if I sat around with this huge pile of adorable kittens and was all, “Oh man, my pile of adorable kittens is so great, I can’t get over how wonderful this pile of adorable kittens is, how can you not have a pile of adorable kittens like my awesome pile of adorable kittens and think you will ever be happy the way that I am with this pile of adorable kittens!?”
Because sure, kittens seem great and all, but maybe your landlord won’t let you have a cat, or you can’t afford one right now, or you are allergic and have to find a special hypoallergenic one or you don’t really want to scoop cat shit every day or maybe you are just more of a dog person. There are all kinds of reasons to not have a pile of adorable kittens, adorable as they may be.
Now, pretend we’re talking about marriage and single women instead of piles of adorable kittens. (But if you want, you can still check out some piles of kittens.) Keep reading »
The Vatican denounced an American nun, Sister Margaret A. Farley, on Monday for her theological teachings in support of same-sex relationships, remarriage after divorce and masturbation.
In her awarding-winning 2006 book, Just Love: A Framework For Christian Sexual Ethics, Sister Farley writes that “masturbation … usually does not raise any moral questions at all.” Sister Farley, a member of the Sisters of Mercy and a professor of Christian ethics at Yale University, also wrote:
“[S]ame-sex relationships and activities can be justified according to the same sexual ethic as heterosexual relationships and activities … therefore same-sex oriented persons as well as their activities can and should be respected whether or not they have a choice to be otherwise.” Keep reading »