So here’s a thing that is making my eye twitch: There is a (fringe) group of people — mostly men — who believe that divorce is, basically, a feminist conspiracy meant not to empower women to live autonomous lives (y’know, the whole “pursuit of happiness” thing) but to allow women to destroy men’s lives.
This is largely a product of the Red Pill community. For the vast numbers of people who live in blessed ignorance of Red Pill, it’s a group of people (again, mostly men) who believe that they’ve “taken the red pill” (à la “The Matrix”) and embraced the painful reality that our society is increasingly being set up to disadvantage men. Not that this is an actual reality: They believe that “involuntary celibacy” exists, i.e. they are having celibacy forced on them; they are disadvantaged for being virgins; their entire identity is wrapped up in having or not having sex. They’re the notorious believers in pick-up artistry, a concept that posits that since all women are brainless automatons, there’s a magical formula of actions and behaviors you can adopt to manipulate women into sleeping with you. They’re so obsessed with false rape accusations that they practically never actually validate the fact that women in America are raped (and then, if she was, of course, she probably deserved it). They buy into the “alpha/beta” social theory (because humans are dogs!). They talk about women in terms of monetary value. They believe they are buying their “partners.”
And they hate divorce, because in the Red Pill community’s minds divorce is a system set up to allow women to vacuum money out of men’s bank accounts and steal children away from their fathers. They believe men should be able to divorce women for even spurious reasons, but women should be shamed for getting divorced (by the way, read all of these links at the risk of your sanity). Keep reading »
My husband, friend and partner of 16 years and I have decided to get a divorce.
Ty and I have always tried to live the most authentic life possible, and we wanted our separation as husband and wife to be nothing less loving than the way we came together. For some time we have been engaged in a private and difficult, but thoughtful and tender undoing of ourselves. Allowing ourselves the time and space to redefine what we are to each other with love rather than malice.
We have been so aware that it is easiest to use the inertia of anger to leverage two souls apart who have been bound together by so much living. By a child. But we did not want anger to burn the ties that bound us. Instead we have chosen the much more difficult task of undoing ourselves stitch by stitch, and releasing each other with love so that we may take on our new form: dear friends and devoted co-parents of our beloved son Kase. We have no desire to damage ourselves and each other in the process. Who better than each other to bear witness to the heart ache of redefining our family? And who better as ally, while we learn to redraw ourselves in whatever new shape we find as separate people who are still striving to be the best versions of ourselves- as humans and as parents.
This is part of Jewel‘s personal statement on her web site announcing a divorce from her husband of six years, rodeo champion Ty Murray. Oh, but it continues: Keep reading »
I started dating immediately after I told my now-ex that I wanted to get a divorce. This was because, as one of my friends very aptly put it, I wasn’t really “rebounding” so much as just “bounding” — rebounding assumes that you’re bouncing off of something, and I wanted a divorce because my marriage no longer qualified as a relationship. A relationship is the state in which two things or people are connected to each other; we were not that so much as one person making loud proclamations about what the other should be and the other, by the end, just going “NO” (and this is a generous description of a very unhealthy situation). I was definitely bounding out of and away from that, and gleefully. Keep reading »
Melanie Griffith has filed for divorce from husband Antonio Banderas, TMZ reports. According to a source, Melanie cited irreconcilable differences as the cause for the split, though it is amicable. Read more on PopSugar…
Today In Things That Maybe Should Have Been Ironed Out Before He Got Married:
TMZ claims that Sherri Shepherd’s estranged husband Lamar Sally asked to add an amendment to the couple’s prenup with these alleged heady requests:
- “It is my joy to submit to my husband as a way to honor God. Even if my husband doesn’t respond the way I’d like, I will respect him and be loyal to him. I will walk in his shoes and seek to understand his perspective.”
- “I respect my husband’s opinions and recognize him as the leader of our home. I will always speak well of my husband.”
- “I enjoy having sex with my husband. I crave intimacy with him and want to be uninhibited and free in our lovemaking.”
- “MY BODY IS IMPORTANT TO ME. I STRIVE TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY BODY WEIGHT AND EXERCISE AT LEAST THREE TIMES A WEEK.”
You can read the full alleged amendment to the prenup here. Sherri, not surprisingly, would not sign it. Keep reading »
In case there weren’t enough findings already being used to perpetuate female insecurity, a University of Michigan study has found that older couples are more likely to divorce when the wife gets sick.
Hoping to learn how heart disease, cancer, stroke and other diseases impact relationships, UMich researchers analyzed data on 2,717 married couples. It appears that every couple in the study was heterosexual, and at least one of the spouses in each marriage was over 50. It was found that 31 percent of the marriages ended in divorce. Even more sobering was the finding that even though the men were more likely to get sick than their wives, the marriages at highest risk for divorce were those in which the female partner fell seriously ill. Keep reading »
Consciously uncouple? That’s what I wanted to do. I really, really, really did. Some would say that I had that opportunity and turned it down. The power dynamic in our relationship was so out of whack that if I had stepped into the room with a mediator, I would have caved on everything. I was so weak. I simply couldn’t hold my own, and I knew it. We were leading a very parasitic life, and I was the host and he was the parasite. The thing is, I didn’t realize where he ended and I began. I had no clear boundaries. I only knew it was unhealthy and incorrect and that I had to get out of it. Read more on Your Tango…
When I fell in love with my fiancé Olivier, I knew he had some baggage. He had been married before and, admittedly, it bothered me a bit. I had always assumed that I would marry someone who was also tying the knot for the first time, but that’s not how it worked out. Olivier also has a four-year-old daughter, and although I’m what you would call a “kid person” — I’m pretty sure I don’t want my own — I loved him enough that I was willing to adjust and deal with the occasional inconveniences that a child of that age can present.
But what never really came into my head, as a potential obstacle, was his ex-wife. She was his ex, after all, but having zero experience at dating men with kids, it never really quite registered that maybe, just maybe, there would be some drama there as well. Despite having seen hundreds of bad rom-coms where an ex-wife does everything in her power to make the new wife miserable, I was not prepared to experience such a cliche in my own life. I wasn’t expecting an ex who probably had watched those same bad rom-coms, but mistook them for coaching seminars. Keep reading »
We knew that some conservatives have a boner for (heterosexual, of course) marriage. But did you know they get equally hard for stopping couples from being able to divorce? As Scott Keyes writes in a must-read piece for The Washington Post, politicians in over a dozen states have introduced bills making it harder for a couple to end their union. Keep reading »
Since learning about Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s decision to “consciously uncouple,” we’ve been trying to unpack the term in all its PC glory. It seems that similar to other areas of her life, Gwyneth will be superior when it comes to divorce. So, far we haven’t seen one inkling of sadness, ire or admission that either party was having an affair. Ahem.
According to an anonymous source who spilled the beans to the Daily Mail, even the couple’s decision to get divorced was beyond reproach. Allegedly, the couple agreed to split while vacationing on island of Eleuthera in the Bahamas and instead of exchanging bitter words, they exchanged gifts. The source claims that Chris gave Gwyneth a painting of a bird in flight by Mila Fürstová to “mark the new stage in their lives.” Keep reading »