“Tell me what you want to do to me,” I cooed in Brandon’s* ear. It was our first time in bed together and I was hoping he would pass my “dirty talk test.” The test is simple. I ask the man what he wants to do to me and he responds with his own special brand of dirty talk. Easy, right? Not always so simple.
It’s easier to get the little head than the big head in the game. But the problem is, I only want to have sex with a man when both heads are present. I want him to understand that my pleasure takes place first in my mind and then in my body. And if he can’t stimulate my mind, he has a very slim chance of stimulating anything on my body. Sure he can fumble his way around and accidentally push a button, but why bother? I know some people don’t like to talk; they just like to “do.” But for me it’s not enough. Keep reading »
Last week, our Catherine totally skeeved all of us, which I might add is not an easy task, with 20 Words That Gross Us Out More Than “Moist.” Seriously, ew! It’s bad enough to hear a funky word in your day-to-day life, but what about when you’re trying to keep things sexy? You don’t want to say something icky when you’re naked. That’s why we’ve compiled a list of no-no words for once you’ve said “yes.” Let’s do it, down and dirty with 36 words you should never ever say … in bed!
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I’ve learned a lot of things from the women in my life. How to appreciate wine, do my own taxes, not be a douchebag. And because of them, I am a fan of Pinot Noir, keep a shoebox of receipts, and am a fan of Pinot Noir. But more on this later.
Sex without dirty talk is a bland affair, like chicken nuggets without the hot mustard. Without that whispered verbal communication and the trust that goes with it, body and mind aren’t connected. No, I’m not getting all Deepak Chopra all up in this joint. Sex is a brain thing as much as a skin thing. Without uncensored, honest, blushing dirty talk in bed (or the backseat, stairwell, or under the kitchen table) there is no way to find out if she needs it faster or slower. You’d never learn that she likes her hair pulled to the left, while you softly kiss her jaw line on the right side of her face. Apparently, there’s a world of difference between a flick and a pinch. These are important facts, and the reverse is true when you’re with your man. Keep reading »
I met him through mutual friends, and I noticed him immediately because he looked like my ex-best friend — but, like, a way hotter version of the ex-BFF. We hung out a few times, and one night, after some drunken bonding over tattoos and the psychological and scientific validity of the art of pickup, he asked if I was coming home with him, and I said yes.
What I was looking for at the time was a fun, casual fling with someone I could be friendly with — without it turning into anything emotional. Neither of us were into having a relationship, and I knew that he was seeing someone else casually, too. He was smart and sarcastic and seemed like the type to bottle up his feelings and never reveal them to me. I thought it was the perfect setup. Keep reading »
People have been doing it since the dawn of time. In fact, it’s the alluring, torrid, mind-blowing, all-consuming sex explosion that has spawned our entire existence as a species! While over the years, thanks to technological and social advances, we’ve improved upon the original biological need with things like latex, handcuffs, key parties, dirty talk, and general smut, what went up, must now come down. According to an article MSNBC published just today, “trendy sex” is over. So, you can stop lamenting that you didn’t get a webcam for Christmas, because all of a sudden, nobody cares?! After decades of topping off vanilla sex with all kinds of goodies, have people lost their taste for kink?
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Dirty talk is an acquired taste. Like oysters, or caviar. Sure, maybe at first bite, dirty talk can seem a little awkward, even unsavory to some. But like a kalamata olive, it grows on you. And soon enough you’re ordering Greek salads like it’s your job and dirty talking like you never owned a copy of Emily Post’s Etiquette. I am not criticizing such behavior. Something about glass houses and stones and throwing them. I dirty talk. I like it. I do it all the time. I want to hear it. There. I said it. As cleanly as I know how. Keep reading »
I was newly on the rebound (read: heartbroken), and had been invited by a friend who knew the deal to a downtown hipster party full of sexy, artsy guys. I proceeded to immediately knock back a few free drinks, then flirt my way through the throngs of smart artistes. One struck my fancy, with his Southern drawl, earnest voice, and red hair. He was sweet, and super talented, and cute in a non-overpowering way. I knew he liked me, but he wasn’t putting the hard sell on getting in my pants. So of course I went home with him.
We got to his apartment and tipsily made out, and soon our clothes were off. I got on top of him and we started having sex. Now, I’m a talkative girl whether I’ve been drinking or not, and one of the places I love to run my mouth is in the bedroom. I don’t remember exactly what I said—the sex wasn’t that earth-shattering—but I know there were a few “That feels good”s and whisperings of his name. I’d thought he was having just as good a time as I was, until we talked the next day. Keep reading »
A couple in Southern England has been seriously putting the WHAM! BAM! in the Thank you ma’am! According to Kelly “The Screamer” Norris’ neighbors, the 29-year-old comes louder than a freight train. Even after the other apartment residents obtained a court order in 2006 to lower the volume on her bumpin’ music, slammin’ headboard, and x-rated dirty talk, she still refused to comply when she got down. Now, we here at the Frisky can appreciate a woman who likes to be vocal, but she’s been teaching a six year old who lives in the building a whole new set of vocabulary words. And Norris has also been giving them more than just an earful, she’s also showing an unwanted eyeful by sunbathing nude in the communal backyard. Man, this chick’s got balls! So how did her neighbors finally beat her off? They cleverly decided to apply for an injunction to ban her boyfriend, Adam Hinton, 32, from visiting her apartment. In court earlier this week, the ban was granted and Norris was also fined $600 for loving too loud (but I think we can all agree that finding a man who makes you scream is priceless.) Although, maybe she should think about moving…into a sound proof place with blind neighbors. [The Daily Telegraph via Fark] Keep reading »
“Ugh, the guy I have been dating will not shut the hell up during sex! He’s always directing me (“do this…do that”) or giving a play-by-play of every second (‘I love seeing your breasts bounce, blah blah blah’). How do I politely tell him to BE QUIET?” — Wishing I Was Deaf, via email
Ugh…that would drive me crazy! For me, talking non-stop in bed is like talking in the movies…totally uncalled for and annoying. But some chicks are super into it, and that’s probably why this guy you’re dating does it. An ex of his probably said, “Oooh, yeah. Tell me what you’re doing to me right now. Talk dirty to me!”, and he decided to work it into his sexual arsenal. All it takes it one girl to eff it up for the rest of us.
Go ahead and undo the damage caused by that beyatch and tell him talking during sex makes you feel weird. Tell him you’re not used to it and it takes your focus away from him. If he doesn’t understand or like what you’re saying, then you might be too late to save this one.
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