There is no shortage of bizarre products and tools claiming mystical weight loss properties that will have you dropping pounds as if the basic rites of diet and exercise never existed. My personal favorite pitch thus far is that of SlimScents, which urges you to, and I quote, “harness the POWER of an EXCITING new research breakthrough” to “sniff yourself thin.” Convincing, no?
Alas, my beloved SlimScents have been upstaged by the latest and greatest in fraudulent weight loss technology: Prends-moi, now available on the British market, is “the world’s first slimming fragrance,” designed to “slim with pleasure” using ingredients that release endorphins already present in the body to trigger a “pleasure message” within the brain. (Also noteworthy: egregious overuse/abuse of the word “pleasure.”) Keep reading »
Losing weight isn’t easy. I mean, it’s easy to SAY you’ll “eat less and exercise” but what do you eat? Which exercises do you do? Are there any shortcuts? If not, are there at least any LONGcuts, that will definitely work? Sadly, I don’t have the answers to these questions. I’m a blogger who drank 70 ounces of chicken gravy for lunch. Yes, I’m disgustingly obese, but I get my self-esteem in other ways, like my being incredible at lovemaking, and knowing how to throw my fast-food wrappers directly into the garbage can from distances of over 20 feet. I’m getting off topic here, but the point is, I don’t have a lot of great tips on how to lose weight, but I do have a bunch of terrible ones. And they involve, among other things, the techniques in this gallery. Read on! Read more…
Another day, another creative way to lose weight. Discovered on Facebook, the “Moonlight Sonata” Diet is easy. You can eat whatever you want, but you have to be standing in front of a mirror, watching yourself, and listening to Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata” through the duration of your meal. I’m just waiting for a celebrity to endorse this one. It sounds way more realistic (not to mention emo) than the Cookie Diet. [imgur]
A Swiss newspaper reports a 50-something woman starved to death in January 2012 after forgoing food and water for a “sunlight diet.” But “breathearianism,” as the practice is called, isn’t a diet with the intention of losing weight. Rather, it’s a spiritual fasting that requires the practitioners to skip food and water for weeks. The unnamed woman reportedly saw an Austrian documentary called “In The Beginning There Was Light” about an Indian guru who claimed to have lived off sunlight for 70 years. (You can watch the trailer here, which includes doctors who are both in support and in opposition to the “sunlight diet.”) Unfortunately for this woman, she eventually was discovered dead by her children. Not to be glib, but what made this woman think she could live off vitamin-D alone? And you thought the feeding tube diet was extreme. [London Free Press]
It’s spring! The trees are blossoming! All six of them! Or maybe that’s just on my block. The several tufts of grass are violently green. I suddenly want to buy at least two pairs of gladiator sandals. Because suddenly one doesn’t feel like enough. And also, because it’s spring, weight-loss advice is blooming. It’s everywhere. Shed those extra pounds before summer! Be able to fit into those shorts! Get your bikini bod on! Or, you know, catchier slogans.
I am going to the Caribbean in a couple months. My dad won a trip at an auction, and he’s taking the family, significant others included. When I found out, my first thought was “Yay!” and my second thought was, “Shit.” The “shit” related to the fact that I have not put on a bikini in well over a year, and since then, I’ve gained about 15 pounds. Keep reading »
In a landscape littered with unscientific and downright stupid weight loss products, it takes something extra stupid to get our attention. Fortunately, weight loss is a big business, and some of the products on the market today seem purely intended to find out how far they can go before we call bullshit. After all, surely nobody is really out there buying… Read more!
What motivates women to do a juice cleanse? Is it that the people who tout its benefits are all glowy and impossibly attractive? Is it that cleansing is a productive way to “detox”? Or is it that you want an easy way to lose weight?
Well, technically, yes. But at the root of it all, no. Keep reading »
When I was in sixth grade, my boyfriend told me he didn’t care that I was fat. He loved me anyway, just as I was.
It was something along the lines of, “Tom and all those guys say you’re really big, but it doesn’t matter to me.” And instead of hearing the part about his acceptance of me, all I heard was that people thought I was fat. This was news to me, as I’d never thought about my own size, weight, or shape in any way before that moment. Never considered that other people were looking at me and judging me. It was an absolute revelation. And although I give him credit for trying to soften the blow and explain that he could care less, it still changed me. For the worse.
I started dieting immediately, and continued to diet for the next 13 years. On and off, of course, which meant that my weight fluctuated quite a bit. I’ve been 30 pounds heavier than I am today, and 20 pounds lighter. I’ve done Slim Fast, Lean Cuisines, and all manner of book-based food plans. Most recently, in 2004, my husband and I undertook the South Beach Diet. I lost 40 pounds over the course of those excruciatingly carb-free months, then slowly gained back 12 of them over the ensuing years. And although following a different prescribed dietary plan, formulated and tested by weight loss experts, might get those 12 pounds back off, I won’t do it. I refuse to diet ever again. Here’s why. Keep reading »
Add this to your fall reading list (or book burning pile): Maggie Goes On A Diet, a children’s book for elementary schoolers, about an obese 14-year-old girl named Maggie who loses weight and becomes the school soccer star. As you can imagine, quite a few people are not happy with this. Bitch Magazine called it “douchy.” A Huffington Post blogger called it “disturbing.” The UK’s Guardian questioned whether this book was “the worst idea ever.”
Everyone, just stick a donut in your mouth and shut up for a second. Keep reading »
“I don’t think I ever fully realized what a human body is capable of doing. But I think I was also, in a beautiful way, incredibly naive. I believed that I could do anything. I never for one moment thought that I couldn’t do it. I believe in hard work. In self-drive and self-worth. I’m a huge foodie, I love food. But when people say, ‘I can’t lose weight’, no no no, you can. Your body can do everything and anything, you just have to want to do it.”
–Mila Kunis, on how she lost weight for “Black Swan.” Kunis also previously said that she was freaked out by the intense weight loss she experienced while training for “Swan.” In November 2010, she said, “It was the most intense training I’ve ever had in my life, and probably will have for anything. I lost 20 pounds, so I went down to 95 pounds. I weigh 117 usually, like today. I looked like Gollum.” She further went on to criticize Hollywood for perpetuating such unrealistic images of beauty. “I could see why this industry is so f*cked up, because … I would literally look at myself in the mirror and I was like, ‘Oh my God!’ I had no shape, no boobs, no ass … all you saw was the bone. I was like, ‘This looks gross.’ Man, it took me five months to lose 20 pounds, but it took me just five days — days! — to gain it all back.” So Kunis no doubt understands that taking off weight, and looking and being healthy are NOT the same thing. Right Mila? Right? [Dlisted] Keep reading »