INTERIOR, A NIGHT CLUB:

An obviously dorky, wallflower-like girl, Stacey, stands alone awkwardly at the bar. Her ultra-hot friend, Tracy, walks up and joins her, sweaty from the dance floor. The music is blaring.

Stacey: Tracy, you get so many guys. I just don’t know how you do it! I can’t even get a dude to look at me.
Tracy: You know what your problem is, Stacey?
Stacey: I barely fill out an A-cup and become too invested after sex?
Tracy: No. They don’t look at you because they can’t see you. Literally. That’s why I wear these (points to pants), Diesel‘s glow-in-the-dark jeans.
Stacey: Oooh, you’re glowing and you’re not even pregnant!
Tracy: Uh, right. Anyhow, they’re part of the fall 2009 collection, and they’re painted with a special coating which lights up under UV lights. Some of the jeans come with stitching or graphics that show up in the dark. This way, guys can pick me out of a crowd in a dark club.
Stacey: Right on! You glow, girl! [Nitrolicious]

The dudes over at Out.com called these sweet sneaks to our attention. Made by Diesel, the high-tops come in a variety of neon colors and we think they’re super hot for straight and gay dudes alike. No matter how old a man gets (and as vast as his suit closet may grow), an awesome sneaker collection is timelessly cool and sexy. Really, even on your Grandpa. [Out.com] (Playground Sneakers, Diesel, $140)