This piece was republished with permission from Role/Reboot.
Wednesday morning, 7a.m., the radio alarm blaring. Keep your eyes closed. Don’t move, because you have miraculously woken up in your old life.
The bed’s warm, your husband’s snoring next to you. Only the snore is more of a low whine, accompanied by a rough pawing against your back. The dogs, nudging you to get up. Your brain, moving slowly, registers this as a logic puzzle. If you’ve gone back in time, and your husband is still here, the dogs can’t fit on the bed, and the alarm is set to beep.
The dogs do fit on the bed, and the alarm is set to radio, therefore he’s dead and time is linear after all.
Your mind veers toward the surreal these days. This person who was Here is Gone, and it’s not much of a leap to think other seemingly impossible things may occur. But there’s no time to delve into that, the dogs need to get outside; you’ve got to be at work at 8:15. Keep reading »
After a relationship ends, you prepare yourself for hard nights missing the other person. Your friends comfort you by telling you someone else out there is even better for you, and that happiness is just around the corner. But no one prepares you for the loss of the people who come with the breakup; the innocent bystanders left in the dust. What happens to them? Friendships end and family ties are severed, all with the understanding that it would make things easier. But does it?
Last night, my sister called to tell me that my ex-boyfriend’s mother passed away— a woman who I was very fond of and close to for the more than three years I dated her son, Pete.* Keep reading »
I am the quiet, depressed one who is stabbed to death, but returns from the grave to seek my revenge — which sounds about right. No one’s going to stab me to death and get away with it! You? (See larger image here.) [Funny Junk]
“Romantic” and “macabre” aren’t two words you usually see together. But that’s how to describe the plight of James Davis, an Alabama widow who promised to bury his late wife Patsy in the front yard of their home — so that’s just what he did.
Unfortunately, the town of Stevenson, AL, does not look too kindly on citizens turning their own yards into graveyards. Keep reading »
Just 35 days into his lifetime sentence, Cleveland kidnapper Ariel Castro reportedly took his own life in his cell. New evidence suggests that his death might not have been a suicide, but rather a case of auto-erotic asphyxiation gone wrong. According to officials, two prison guards falsified logs documenting their observation of Castro in the hours before he died, meaning they the correctional facility can’t accurately confirm how Castro spent his last moments. Keep reading »
When someone goes on a bad date it usually has something to do with awkward silences, gross food, a complete lack of connection, or as the case usually is with me, embarrassing occurrences. Some dates are even bad enough to make the news, but generally, first dates don’t end in a fall from a 17th-story balcony. Tragically, that’s how one otherwise promising first date came to a close Thursday night, reports The New York Times.
Jennifer Rosoff had returned to her Manhattan apartment with her date, Stephen Close, and the two decided to go out on the balcony to have a cigarette. According to the New York Post, Ms. Rosoff lifted herself up onto the railing of the balcony to chat with her date. Close thought that the balcony looked unstable and suggested that she get down, but Rosoff assured him that this was something she had done many times before. Moments later, however, Close heard two loud pops from the balcony and Rosoff was gone. Keep reading »
Joaquín Alcaraz Gracia had just been crowned “King of Beer Drinking” in a chugging contest in Spain when he started vomiting nonstop. The goal of the contest is to drink as many liters of beer as possible in 20 minutes and Garcia drank six liters, breaking the contest record. The poor guy was coherent for long enough to hold up his trophy in glory, but his condition deteriorated quickly, reported the UK’s Daily Mail.
Keep reading »
Honestly, this should go without saying, but apparently one couple in China did not see the danger in having sex against a glass window. The glass they were having sex against evidently gave way and the two tragically plummeted to their untimely deaths. Voyeuristic concerns aside, we’re not sure that having sex against a window is something we would ever really be comfortable with. Reports about his particular incident, however, suggest that the window in question was of poor quality to begin with. Keep reading »
It has been five-and-a-half months since my dad died and yet it sometimes feels like it hasn’t hit me yet. Even though his ashes are sitting in a box in my apartment. He had been absent from my day-to-day life for years, our interactions limited, at their most intimate, to Skype. Then we stopped talking. And then eight months later, he died. After the initial shock, my day-to-day life didn’t seem to be that different. I was used to not speaking to him, and had long ago resigned myself to not seeing him again. I couldn’t figure out how to grieve. Keep reading »