• dear wendy

Dear Wendy Updates: “In Love, Maybe” Responds

Wendy AtterberryFebruary 28, 2011 //

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “In Love, Maybe,” who had a great vacation fling in a foreign city that she hoped might turn into something more. “Once I got home, everything seemed dull without him,” she wrote.”The life we’d jokingly talked about having together sounded good. We started emailing a little. Without saying anything about it, I’ve started learning his language and saving money to go back.” After the jump, find out what happened when she did finally go back. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “How Do You Dump A Nice Guy?”

Wendy AtterberryFebruary 23, 2011 //

I have been dating my boyfriend for seven months now (exclusive for four). We took things slowly because I had just come out of another relationship and I didn’t want him to be a rebound. Unfortunately, it seems that’s what he is, though. He is really kind and very thoughtful but I am not in love with him. He is a little bland, and though he will make some girl very happy, it’s not going to be me. I think he’s very serious about me, and I realize I am making it worse by waiting, but this feeling only crystallized last week. My ex-boyfriend dumped me completely out of the blue and I’m worried about hurting my current boyfriend the same way. A year and a half later, I still have not recovered, and we had been together roughly the same amount of time. I know my current boyfriend has a lot of support and people to turn to, so he will cope, but I need some help on how to proceed. Either way, he’s going to get hurt but I don’t know if I should tell him all the truth or just part of the truth (and if so which part of the truth?) — Reluctant Dumper

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Dear Wendy Updates: “Confused College Girl” Responds

Wendy AtterberryFebruary 21, 2011 //

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from Confused College Girl” who had outgrown her long-distance relationship with an unambitious two-time college dropout. “The long distance seems to wear on me more and more as I see all my college friends leading a single life and experiencing things that I can’t, and I wonder if I’m missing out.” After the jump, find out whether she MOA’d or not.
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Dear Wendy Updates: “Present Tense” Responds

Wendy AtterberryFebruary 16, 2011 //

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Present Tense,” who wasn’t crazy about the pearl necklace her boyfriend of one year gave her for Christmas and worried he was going to give her something similar for her upcoming birthday. “I don’t want to seem like I’m not grateful, because I am, but I never wear jewelry and am not really a fan of pearls.” She said. “Should I just act like I like it and let him buy me another or is there some way I can let him know that pearls just aren’t my thing?” After the jump, find out whether she got another pearl necklace for her birthday or not. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “Am I An Attention Whore?”

Wendy AtterberryFebruary 9, 2011 //

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for three months, and currently live together. I’m just gonna cut to the chase here: he’s not good about replying to my texts. Usually, with my past significant others, I would always have cute little mushy text convos all day. However, when I text my current boyfriend a cute little, “I’m thinking about you” text or even a “What are you doing?” text, he rarely replies. Sometimes he will say he’s busy. Excuse me? Who is ever too busy to send a little measly text back to someone you love? And not only that, but he’s just not good with communication AT ALL. I’ve been stood up by him for lunch dates with no notice. He often has legitimate reasons, but he doesn’t even text or call me. He also doesn’t tell me what he does throughout his day. For example, if he gets off work early, or goes shopping, or has lunch with his buddies, he won’t even let me know what’s going on; I’m always blindsided. I’ve talked to him about this issue several times and he admits he’s not a good texter, but I know that’s a lie because I’ve seen him text other people back right away. Am I missing something here? Is there any way I can tell him how I feel without sounding like I’m an attention whore who needs my boyfriend to text me 24/7? I mean, maybe just four texts a day would be perfect. Am I overreacting here? — The Texter

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Dear Wendy: “How Many Sex Partners Is Too Many?”

Wendy AtterberryFebruary 2, 2011 //

Recently I was talking to my 21-year-old boyfriend about how many sexual partners was considered “too many.” I told him how there was a 21-year-old guy friend who says he’s had over 20 partners but they had each meant something to him so he didn’t see a problem with it; only when you have meaningless sex does it become a problem, he said. Most of my other friends, especially my girl friends, only have had a couple partners, and I have always thought that was the norm for most people my age. When I asked my boyfriend how many he thought was “too many,” he said that if you lose count, then that’s when it becomes too much. He also said that he’s had nine and didn’t think that that was a lot at all. I personally have only had one other partner, and when I found out that he had nine, it kind of took me by surprise. I’m not mad and don’t think any differently of my boyfriend or my friend than I did before, but I’m just curious, what do most people consider to be too many partners and at what age? — Number Cruncher

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Dear Wendy: “My Husband Calls Another Woman Constantly”

Wendy AtterberryJanuary 26, 2011 //

Last month my husband received a friend request on Facebook from a childhood friend he hasn’t seen or spoken to in 10 years. She wrote him a couple of messages and they texted over the holidays. I figured this was a case of old friends catching up and didn’t think much of it. Last week, he unlocked his iPhone to show me a picture and his call log was open. I saw that there were about eight calls to and from his friend in a span of three days. He doesn’t even call me that much! My phone bill came this week and there were over 100 texts to and from this “friend” in a matter of three days. I asked about the messages and he admitted that he deleted them because I would have gotten angry. I have explained to him that I think it’s disrespectful for a random woman to be repeatedly calling my husband (they were friends TEN years ago!) and I think he is disrespecting me by having so much contact with her behind my back. He says that I am crazy, jealous and overreacting. He has been very opposed to my having close male friends, so I think he is being a hypocrite. I had no reason to not trust him until he started hiding things from me. Do you think I’m really being overly jealous or is he just trying to make me feel guilty because he knows he’s wrong? — The “Crazy” Wife

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Dear Wendy Updates: “Righteous” Responds

Wendy AtterberryJanuary 24, 2011 //

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Righteous” who wondered if it would be appropriate or simply “stirring up old history” if she were to apologize to an ex with whom she caused an ugly breakup. After the jump, find out whether she apologized to the guy and how she’s doing today. Plus, I’ve got some exciting news of my own I want to share, so keep reading. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “How Long Does It Take The Average Person To Say ‘I Love You’?”

Wendy AtterberryJanuary 19, 2011 //

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about seven months, and things are going amazingly. For the first time in my life, I feel emotionally healthy and secure with myself. I spent a year being single, working on loving myself and I’m no longer battling the constant fear that the man I’m with will abandon me and nobody will love me. I’m feeling so good about things with this man, and I’m dying to tell him that I love him, but something is holding me back. I’ve read your piece about why women shouldn’t say “I Love You” first, and I have to say I have zero fears that it would freak him out or send him running for the hills. I’m not afraid that he doesn’t love me, and even if he doesn’t yet, I know things are heading in that direction. My fear is this: if he doesn’t say it back, I might revert to the insecure, unstable girl that I was. I don’t want the constant anxiety and tears, always thinking that I’m not good enough to be loved. What should I do? Should I face my fears and tell him how I feel? Or should I be patient, and wait until he’s ready to say the words first? And how long do you think it takes the average man to say “I love you”? — Waiting To Hear The Words

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Dear Wendy: “How Can I Tell My Boyfriend’s Parents That I Don’t Want Their Crap?”

Wendy AtterberryJanuary 18, 2011 //

I’ve been in a relationship for a year and a half and everything is going great between us. We even plan to move in together this summer. The plan is to move into the apartment that my boyfriend’s parents currently live in — it legally belongs to him but his parents pay for all the expenses. His parents will move out and into their new home, and have already said that they are leaving us their old furniture, because they would like to furnish their house with completely new stuff and this way, we wouldn’t have to buy anything. That I can totally understand and I’m thankful for some of the pieces they are leaving behind. However, there is a lot I would throw out, not only because much of it is old and unusable (knives, cracked dishes, etc.), but their “style” is really old school. Now, I told them that my family and I are going to buy a new wardrobe and some other new things I want to replace, and apparently my boyfriend’s mom is not pleased by this. She told him that he should definitely keep the old furniture because otherwise, if we break up he would be left with nothing. He and I have talked about handling things during a breakup scenario and have agreed we’d like to buy new furniture and redecorate. But his mom thinks their apartment is nice and there is no reason to change things. Now I am afraid his parents will be offended if they see how much we want to refurnish and buy (with our money). How do I handle the situation without being ungrateful? — Martha Stewart Intruder

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