• dear wendy

Dear Wendy: A Coke-Dealing Boyfriend & A Serial Monogamist

“I met my current boyfriend about six months ago and there was an INSTANT attraction. At first he was perfect: he would make time for me, we would go out and do things together. He wasn’t like any other guy I’ve ever dated — he was polite, open-minded, caring, funny, and RESPECTFUL. I was the one to kiss him first…he even waited longer than I wanted to have sex with me. Here’s the thing though: he’s a coke dealer. As the relationship has progressed, we’ve broken up and gotten back together numerous times and though we’re together now, and I can honestly say that I’m in love with this man, I hate what he does. We don’t hang out much and he blames it on his “work.” I see him MAYBE once a week… is that normal for people who have been dating for eight months? He tells me he’s going to quit his job one day, but I’m not sure, and I can’t push him to quit because, to him, it’s a nice way of making money. I know he sounds like a loser, but I’ve never been with anyone like him before and I can’t stay away from him. Should I just leave a person who I love and care about because of what he does, and try to find someone with a respectful job?”

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Dear Wendy: Why Is He So Hot And Cold With Me?

There must be something in the air. Almost every letter I’ve received over the last couple of weeks has dealt in some way with the same theme: ambiguous feelings. Take this letter, for example:

“I met this guy back in March and almost instantly there was an attraction and undeniable chemistry between us. He lives in Baltimore and I live in Houston, which to me meant the relationship wouldn’t work and we would just enjoy the time while he is here on vacation. To my surprise, we continued the communication and we have even traveled to see each other. Things seemed to be going fine and falling in place, right? WRONG!?!?! The best way I can describe the problem is… he is so hot and cold with me. One week he is on it — calling, texting, sending pictures, keeping the lines of communication open and flowing. But then the very next week I won’t hear from him for days, he won’t respond to my calls, texts, or anything. But then a week or two weeks later he is back on again. At first I suspected there was someone else, but I know there isn’t. He claims he is just so busy because he is trying to run his own business, he is active in the Navy, and he is trying to be a good father to his girls. So yeah, I get that he’s busy, but is it too much ask for a simple text back or a simple call just saying ‘hello’? I love this man and even though I haven’t verbalized it I know it is shown through my actions. I haven’t been reassured of his feelings but I am afraid if I ask then he will be scared away. He is consuming my thoughts and I am just so confused on what my next move should be. Because if it is up to me, on his next trip out here I would propose and lock him in for life. Please help!” – Hopeless

Read my reply after the jump. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: Can Couples Get Past Infidelity?

“Recently my boyfriend/ex-boyfriend has been going through some financially hard times. He still has his job but some other really difficult things have happened to him that would make anyone want to run and hide. He decided to face these problems head-on but it’s been incredibly stressful, and just recently I found out he had cheated on me. The last two months of our two years together had been the hardest and it was like he was no longer the man I fell in love with. Now that I have confronted him he said that he would do everything in his power to turn things around, get his life together, and then try and win me back

What I want to know is can you ever get over being cheated on? I know it’s very easy to say kick him to the curb, there are more fish in the sea, but I truly want to know if anyone has made a relationship work after someone has not been faithful.”

See my reply after the jump. Keep reading »

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