I have a friend who I have strong feelings for but I don’t know if he will ever have them for me. We have sex together, he’s spent the night here a couple of times and we hang out and flirt. Do you think I will ever get a chance with him? Right now he says he is worried he is not boyfriend material. – Used
I have, what seems to be, a huge dilemma. I am 22 years old, and have been with my fiancé for a little over two years. I met him when I was getting out of a relationship, and needed to feel wanted, so I had sex with him after about a month. The sex was awkward and uncomfortable, and once we started I really wished I hadn’t, and then two weeks later I found out I was pregnant. We decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend, and seven months later he proposed. The sex hasn’t gotten any better, and I’ve never had an orgasm with him (but I pretend), and I really want to have one, but now I’m just getting less and less interested in having sex because I know it’s just not going to happen. We barely have sex now, and he makes me feel really bad about it, which really turns me off even more than I was. I love him, but maybe we’re just not sexually compatible. What do I do? — Engaged and Confused
I am a 27 year-old chef who is not the stereotypical egotistical type. I have some of the greatest friends and a close-knit yet small family that I adore. So in that area, I am good to go. Yet it is my relationship status that is tarnishing my view on life and, I hate to say it, on the opposite sex. I feel that I MUST be doing something wrong if my relationship status is still single.
I met Tim in February of this year when he was visiting friends in New York (he lives in Massachusetts) and we hit it off right away. Almost immediately after he headed back home, we started communicating every other day and soon began taking turns visiting each other. We have lots of mutual friends, so it was very easy for us in the beginning. The kicker was he was just getting out of a 4 year live-in relationship (she ended things with him 2 months prior to our meeting), but since I really liked him, I thought “the worst thing that could happen is that I end up with a friend.” Fast forward 8 months: Things are all good — our families each know about us, I’ve met his sister, we’ve both met lots of each other’s friends.
Let’s start off with the fact that I love my boyfriend “Scott.” Scott and I have made it through a break up, months of monogamous dating, and we are an official couple again. However, I’m concerned that he may drink too much. Scott rarely has a night where he doesn’t smoke marijuana or drink. He occasionally does hard drugs (he only seems to do them when he goes on vacation with his exgirlfriend, but that is neither here nor there since that hasn’t been resolved). Whenever Scott drinks he either gets annoyed or overly affectionate- ie. he either is on edge or is trying to convince me to marry him. Wendy, what should I do to address this issue? I want to support him through thick and thin but at the same time I think part of support is urging him to stop destructive behavior. —Girlfriend of an Alcoholic Anonymous
I’ve been living with my boyfriend for a few months now. We’ve been together on and off for three years now and this is our third attempt at trying to be together romantically. Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about my future and where I see myself going. It’s been no secret to my boyfriend that I’m not interested in marrying him. He’s even stated that he accepts it. However, I’ve been seriously thinking of joining the military after I’ve gotten my second degree and he is now telling me that I’ll have to marry him prior to joining the military otherwise we’ll never see each other. The thing is, I can’t help the way I feel about him. I’ve always known, (and been honest with him about it) that I wouldn’t marry him and that’s not going to change if I do join the military. What I need advice on now is, should I continue this relationship or not? Part of me feels like it’s wrong of me to be in a relationship with someone I don’t see a future with, yet at the same time, he’s stated that he’s alright with it. – Military Brat
I’m 23 years old and have been friends with a 26-year-old guy–let’s call him Ben–for about two years. We met online, and instantly hit it off. We started doing the unofficial dating thing for about four months before I talked to him about making it official, because for all intents and purposes we were bf/gf anyway. Ben said he wasn’t ready for a relationship at that point, and as secretly devastated as I was, I cooled things off in the sex department and remained his friend.
Fast forward to two years later: We’re seriously besties, see each other at least twice a week, and text daily. He’s very affectionate towards me, and while we sleep in the bed and he’s a serious cuddler, we don’t have sex. Or kiss. Though he does say I’m beautiful, and devotes most of his attention to me when we’re out, even with his friends. He’s taken me camping with his family, and I’m always invited along when his parents come down from Michigan for the weekend to hang out and have dinner. He’s a very sweet, quiet, not-really-sexual kinda guy, but I’ve realized recently that I’m very not over him.
I recently revisited his original profile on the dating site on which we met, and it’s still active. On it, he even says that he’s been thinking about wanting a serious relationship with someone. Um, hello? What about me? I feel he’s sending me mixed messages that I don’t know how to read. While I do want to know how he feels about me, I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship. I really can’t see myself being friends with him if he started dating some other chick (or if I started dating some other dude, for that matter), but I don’t want to give him an ultimatum. I definitely feel like he has feelings for me, but is maybe feeling the way I am? Like he doesn’t want to hurt the friendship? I don’t know … any words of wisdom on how I should go about handling this?
I recently broke up with my high school boyfriend of two years. He’s 16 and left high school early to go to college, and I’m 19 and a sophomore at college in another state. We were each other’s first loves and it was our first real relationship. We did the long distance thing for a while, but it got too difficult and I felt like we should go see other people because we only knew each other. We split up at the beginning of summer and began talking less and less. I still loved him, but wasn’t IN love with him anymore. He kept trying to “win me back” but I was firm with my decision because I felt taking a break was a good idea for us. I tried to keep our relationship platonic because he was still my best friend. I felt we finally were on the same page, even though he still wanted me back.
I have a girlfriend of eight months who I have not been able to see for three months due to financial issues and concerns. She recently started a new job in mid July 2009. Things appeared okay at first, but I noticed that things started to change quickly between us after she returned from an out-of-state training she went to with her (married) male boss. She started telling me she has to attend weekly lunch meetings with her boss at least 2 – 3 times per week. She’s stopped answering her cell phone during the day when I call, she refuses to respond to my text messages, she has been deleting e-mails from her computer so her children won’t be able to see them, she has been hiding text messages on the cell phones she is using (both the company’s and her personal). She removed the house phone and placed it in her car stating that she was concerned that her children would abuse it. She leaves the room when she gets a phone call that she does not want her children to hear. She calls me on her company issued cell phone as being private caller. When her boss calls her she quickly gets off the phone with me to talk with him. Today she referred to him by his first name three times. She told me that we could not see each other until she is able to lose 40 pounds. And she said that her boss told her that he cannot wait for them to relocate into their new office building so they’ll be able to share an office. What is going on that I am not accepting or seeing? I feel in my heart that they are having an affair. I need to know if I am justified in my feelings.