Dear Wendy Updates: “Needs New Friends” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Needs New Friends,” who had lost friends in her breakup and didn’t know how to make new ones or transition well into her new single life. After the jump, find how how she’s doing now six months later. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My IM Buddy Wants To Come Visit: Awkward!”

I’m 26 and have been in a happy relationship with a wonderful guy for two years. Over the last year, I’ve found it helpful to supplement my Russian language courses with IM sessions on a reputable language exchange website. I chat with people of either gender, and my boyfriend is aware of this. One native speaker is particularly helpful and wants to improve his English, so we have been IM-ing twice a week for an hour over the last year. We discuss food, music, or movies, but we don’t flirt. In fact, until his recent separation with his wife, he’d often speak lovingly of her (as I do of my BF). Yesterday, he asked if we could grab coffee when he comes to town. I agreed, thinking that he was in town on business and coffee would just be a “since I’m already here” thing. Then I found out (after persistent questioning) that he’s coming to Toronto for a wedding, but is planning to fly to Calgary to meet me in person, before returning to France where he works. I know he’s not rich, and he doesn’t seem to be coming to Calgary for any other reason. I’m hard-pressed to believe that someone would go that far out of his way just for a short platonic meeting. What is he really expecting of me? Should I ask my boyfriend to join us? — Lost in Translation

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Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend Makes A Lot More Than I Do, But Wants To Split The Bills Evenly”

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years, living together for about half of that. We have a fantastic, loving relationship with definite plans for marriage in the future. We’re in the middle of trying to find a new house to rent and are having a tough time based on our budget and specifications (we have two dogs). Here’s the problem: even though my boyfriend makes about $15k more than I do, he wants us to split the rent 50/50, which limits our affordable housing options quite a bit. I have asked him to consider contributing more for rent — not a lot, just a little more — and he kind of laughed at the suggestion and said, “I don’t think so.” I wouldn’t even have asked him, but our lease is up soon, and all we’re finding to move into is sub-par. We both work full-time, and I also have another job on the side. I’m underpaid at a job I probably wouldn’t have taken had it not been for the economy, but I’m making the best out of it. Note that we don’t share a checking account because he doesn’t like the idea of it; our finances are separate and we split everything down the middle. Should I be concerned at his attitude? Or should I just chalk it up to him wanting to save money for our future? I do tend to be all about equality in relationships, so maybe he takes that as a sign that everything has to be equal? — Poor House

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Dear Wendy Updates: Rebound Guy Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from Rebound Guy, who was always falling for women who had just gotten out of long-term relationships. When he wrote, he was involved with one such woman who kept telling him she wasn’t ready for a relationship. After a year and a half of seeing her off-and-on, he was beginning to wonder if she’d ever be ready. So, did he decide to move on? Did she eventually come around? Has he finally kicked his habit of dating recently broken-up women? Find out after the jump. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My New Boyfriend Disapproves Of How I Handle My Ex”

I recently separated from a boyfriend of several years and am now dating someone new. Long story short, I separated from the ex because I always had to pay for everything. I feel stupid and angry at how long I accepted no progress with him. The separation so far has been reasonably amicable and I’m trying to keep it that way. New guy knows the situation and that I am still settling some financial items. I own the cars, for example, including a truck the ex put 1/3 of the money into. At first, I was willing to just let him have the truck, which he really wants, and I would take the other cheaper car, but the new guy doesn’t agree with me on this. Basically, he feels I’ve paid more than enough into the relationship and should at least get some money from the truck. I agreed, and so I told the ex; he balked, but agreed to pay me some more for the truck (but not its full value). He doesn’t have a job though, and the insurance is coming due; I want it transferred to him already but I’m worried he’s not going to pay me for it. New guy would not be happy if he found out ex got away with the truck, but deep down, I just want to put this all behind me. I’m worried, though, that he’ll assume if I don’t stick it to the ex like he deserves, that means I’m still okay with being walked all over. Am I being a pushover still? What do I do? — Possible Pushover

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Dear Wendy: “Does Porn Preference Indicate Real Life Preference?”

I’ve known my boyfriend for four years and we’ve been dating for the past year. We moved in together about three months ago and things are going great — he works hard, is wonderful to me, and I love our life together. He is on a business trip this week and I was looking through our movie pile and found three Asian pornos. To be clear, any porn would upset me a little. I was sexually assaulted a few years ago and since then I can’t watch it because it feels like a flashback and I was never much of a fan anyway. My boyfriend has had several Asian girlfriends/friends-with-benefits (mostly FWB situations I think) in the years that I have known him, and I guess I am wondering if I’m really what he wants. I have blue eyes, blond hair, and am of Germanic descent. Does a guy’s porn preference indicate what he really wants? Should I ask him about it when he gets home? He is 40, and I am 27; maybe his preference has been the reason he is still single after so many years? I really do care for him and he has indicated he wants a future together, so how do I shake this nagging feeling that there is something wrong? — Not Asian

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