Tag Archives: dear wendy

Dear Wendy: Love Lessons In A First Relationship

I’m 23 years old and in my first relationship with a guy who is three years younger than me. It daunted me at first because I felt dating younger meant dating someone more immature, but something with him just clicked. We’ve been dating for half a year and it’s been great, but now I’m beginning to think the honeymoon phase is over.

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Dear Wendy: “Is It OK To Email A Former Online Match?”

I’m currently single, but have been active on a couple of online dating sites for a couple of years. I’m not looking for random hookups, but an actual meaningful relationship. Clearly, I’ve yet to find that, although I have met/e-mailed with some extremely decent guys. Last winter I was e-mailing with this guy I was very interested in — we never talked on the phone, but we exchanged long emails, and I really felt like we connected, that we shared a lot of interests and the same sense of humor. We were talking about meeting up for drinks, but it was hard because we were both visiting family over the holidays. Then he met someone else and sent me an e-mail explaining why he hadn’t responded, telling me he wanted to keep in touch and apologizing for potentially being a d-bag. We never did meet up, but through some internet stalking I found out he ended up in a relationship with that someone else, but I think he may be single again. I know, I sound like Glenn Close in “Fatal Attraction” right now, but if it means anything, I never spent more than a few minutes looking him up. My question is this: would it be overly creepy/internet stalker of me to e-mail him now, a year after we stopped talking? He keeps coming up in my e-mail matches, and I was so excited to meet up with him before he met someone else. Also, I’m starting to get really tired of looking for decent men online, especially knowing he and I probably have a high chance of hitting it off in person. Should I shoot him a quick message or just leave it in the past? — Still Interested

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Dear Wendy: “I’m Ready For Marriage, My Boyfriend’s Not”

My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple of years now, and have lived together for a year and a half. We have a very solid and fulfilling relationship. We also bought a house together a little while ago. Everything is great except for one issue: marriage. I feel as if I have given everything I can into our relationship, mentally, physically and emotionally. And now I feel as though I need a commitment to go further. He says that he knows he wants to marry me, has promised, but is not ready. We live as if we are married so I don’t know how he can’t be ready. He says he doesn’t feel an urgency to get married, but I do. I worry that “not ready” means “not with you” although he swears it doesn’t. We’re at a stand-still with this issue and I’m not really sure where to go from here. — Ready For Marriage

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Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend’s Jealous That I Love My Job”

Let me start by saying I love my boyfriend. We’ve been dating for about a year and a half, living together for most of that, and have often talked about spending the rest of our lives together. He’s a great guy, and we’re a great fit. I’ve been really happy with our life together, and I thought he was, too. Until recently.

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Dear Wendy: “We Broke Up, He Got The Friends”

I was with my ex-boyfriend for three years. During that time, my three best friends all moved away, so he became my best friend, and his friends became my friends. We broke up really suddenly three months ago, and while I know the breakup was for the best, I now find that I have no idea what to do with myself. The few close friends I have left are also friends with my ex. I find myself spending way too many nights at home alone because I know my ex will be at the party my friends are going to. It’s hard for me to move on when I feel so lonely all the time, but I don’t want to go running back to him just because it’s the easiest thing right now. I want to keep busy and make new friends, but I don’t know how! Do you have any tips to make this transition a little easier for me? — Needs New Friends

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Dear Wendy: “My Family Disapproves Of My Controlling Boyfriend”

I have been in a long-term relationship with a guy that my family, and more recently I, found to be controlling and critical. I dumped him several months ago and then, after a month-long break, began to talk and hang out with him again. He is more remorseful than anyone I’ve seen in my whole life and has displayed nothing but kindness, humility and love for the past several months. I am considering giving it another shot as he’s the type of person who makes changes permanently (I’ve seen this many times from him in other areas of life). The problem is, I know my family does not approve. They especially don’t approve because of their staunch traditional beliefs that a person should marry someone of their exact same religion, which I no longer agree with. I am torn between listening to my family, who I know cares for me, and giving the relationship another chance. I don’t want to disregard my family’s advice, but I’m not sure if they are just biased because of my ex’s religious beliefs. I also don’t want to risk losing a great guy that I’m so compatible with. Please help! — Stuck In The Middle

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Dear Wendy: “Is A Bad Performance Review A Sign Of A Character Flaw?”

I’m a 23 year old female in my last semester of my Masters and have been with my wonderful boyfriend for 3 1/2 years now. We were planning to get engaged and move across the country together this summer after graduation. We both did internships in Ottawa with government agencies there over the past year and would have jobs waiting for us. Unfortunately, my boyfriend just got an email from the place where he completed his last two internships saying that there would not be a job available for him there due to poor performance reviews from both of his previous supervisors. This was a surprise to me as he is a really smart guy in a really elite program in our University. He claims he did a great job and his supervisors are just out to get him, however I am not sure what to believe as this came from two independent departments. This has put a strain on our relationship as the performance review had some pretty serious accusations including plagiarism and poor attitude and I am not sure what to think of him now. I do love him very much and want to marry him and start a family one day, but it bothers me a great deal that this happened. Am I making too big of deal of this? Or do you thing this signifies greater trouble down the road? — Want to believe him

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Dear Wendy: “My Girlfriend’s Going Off Her Meds. How Can I Help?”

My girlfriend has been on antidepressants for the past year. She has told me some of the reasons why she started taking them, and it doesn’t make a difference to me; I still love her. However, she did tell me that within the next month she will be coming off the pills, first by taking half the dosage and then by being completely off them. She told me that when she starts the process, her mood will start changing, at least temporarily, as she comes off the meds. I was wondering what I should be expecting and how I can possibly help her in any manner. — Med Confusion

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Dear Wendy: “I Love My Boyfriend, But I Fantasize About Other Men”

I’ve been in a committed relationship with my wonderful boyfriend for about two years now, and I’ve been extremely happy so far. I know he wants to get married in the next couple of years, and I thought I wanted the same thing. Recently though, I’ve started to find myself attracted to other guys. I feel really guilty about it, but I can’t seem to stop myself from flirting and wondering what it would be like to hook up with some of them. My boyfriend is extremely loving and always tells me how lucky he is, and how beautiful I am, and the guilt has been killing me inside. He treats me so incredibly well that I know I would be very foolish to give him up, or risk what we have for a random hookup because I do want to get married and have children. My sex life with my boyfriend has become more routine and less exciting which I think is also contributing to my wandering eye. Do you think I’m just not ready to settle down? Maybe people just aren’t meant to commit to one person for eternity. I really want to stay loyal to my boyfriend because I honestly love him so much, but I’m concerned my recent behavior is a reflection of a deeper issue. Am I a bad person? I know lots of women would kill to have such a loving guy. I want to stop taking him for granted and be happy, what should I do? — Ready to settle down?

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Dear Wendy: “My Girlfriend Found Crazy Porn On My Computer”

Last night while watching a movie with my girlfriend, she found some porn websites in my computer’s history. The sites were really crazy and I was embarrassed by them. Now I feel ashamed that she saw them. Does she think of me any differently? PS: I am a guy… — Embarrassed

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