Tag Archives: dear wendy

Dear Wendy: “Is Fighting Healthy In A Relationship?”

Every once in a while I get a question that’s so to-the-point and universal, I can’t not answer. Here’s an example:

Is fighting healthy for a relationship? And if so, how do you define what a “healthy fight” is? — Curious

Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My Friend Expressed His Romantic Feelings For Me In A Text Message!”

I met a guy about 4 1/2 years ago, and for the first three years that we knew each other, it seemed like neither of us wanted anything to do with the other. We eventually began running into each other often and slowly started talking. Within a few months he started to develop feelings for me. He hinted them quite strongly but at the time I was completely oblivious and continued treating him as just a close friend. He eventually moved away for work but continued to make an effort to keep in touch with me by randomly calling or texting. One day he caught me off guard and texted how he felt. I had just woken up and was at a loss for words. Sadly, I texted back the worst possible response: “LOL.” Naturally there wasn’t a text back from him. A week later he texted me a “Happy Thanksgiving” and since then I haven’t heard from him. In the time that he’s been M.I.A. from my life, I finally realized how big of an ass I was. I can’t even say I was a good friend either since he was the one making the effort to keep in touch. I’m still not attracted to him and can only see him as a friend, but I want to fix our friendship. At the same time I feel like I’m selfishly disrupting whatever life he’s trying to create without me in the picture. He’s too important of a person to let go of but how do you talk to someone who doesn’t want to talk to you? Am I even right in trying to mend our friendship or should I just leave him be? — Friend Not Foe

Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “I Got Friend-Zoned. Now What Do I Do?”

I met a guy off of a dating website recently. He is actually exactly what I’m looking for. Since we met, he has initiated most of the time we spend together. We talk about solid things — everything from weekend plans to our past relationships, families and goals. We have more in common than I ever expected. I feel great around him and happy, but the catch is he says he just wants to be friends. Although hurt, I told him it was perfectly fine because he’s a great guy and I’d love to stay friends. He looked at me and said, “Great! This means we have more opportunities to hang out — sporting events, movies, comedy shows…” and although he IS a great guy, I do have feelings for him. He totally friend-zoned me and I don’t know why. The only possibility is that he’s not physically attracted to me. I don’t know what to do; do I hang out with him and get over my feelings? Do I give him and our friendship time to see if something develops? We’ve only known each other for two months and it’s been great. I’d love to date him but he’s also admitted in the past to not wanting a relationship until he gets a few things taken care of at work, which will be this summer. What’s his deal? — Wanting More

Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “Why Can’t I Get A Date?”

I’m a few months away from turning 20 and I have NEVER had a relationship, serious or casual. I’ve missed out on all the dating during my high school years and I’m afraid that it’ll continue throughout my 20s unless I change something. I’ve always been open to a relationship but not to the point where I had “desperate” labeled across my forehead. I’m not looking for a husband but just someone to casually date. All my girlfriends always comment that they wish they had my personality and all my guy friends always call to do girlfriend-y type stuff (shopping for his clothes, eating out with him on his lunch breaks, etc) with me [rather] than with their own girlfriends, so what’s the deal? Physically, I’ve received flattering looks and enough compliments to at least qualify as decent-looking, I don’t have weight problems as I’m very active, and I was voted most fashionable in school, meaning I don’t go out looking like a dump. Aside from the physical aspect, I’m a great student, I am well traveled, and I can speak several languages. I’m usually very outgoing and make friends easily. I lounge around and watch sports with the guys and dress up for dinner with the girls, which is why I have just as many guy friends as I do girlfriends. To add a heaping pile of salt to my wound, my guy friends and my girlfriends’ boyfriends all say the same thing about me … that I’m the girl guys want to have as a girlfriend. If that was the case, then why oh freaking why can’t I even remember the last time a guy asked me out on a date? Really, I’m just tired of family members trying to confirm and reconfirm that I am not a lesbian, but just unlucky. — Only the Bridesmaid

Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “I’m Jealous Of My Boyfriend’s Salary”

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now. We went to the same school, majored in the same field, graduated together, and thus have similar levels of expertise in our chosen careers. After college, I took a low-paying job at a small company with a high-level of prestige in the hopes of building a portfolio, gaining experience, making contacts, and starting my career with the respect of my peers. I have been at this same company for nearly three years without a single raise or substantial bonus while being told that I’m the “best employee” they’ve ever had. Ever since I took the job, I’ve been told by former classmates and others in the community how lucky I am to do such great work for such a prestigious company. However, the median yearly income for my profession is $15,000 more than what I make. My boyfriend, on the other hand, took an average-paying job at a large niche company. He has also been there for nearly three years and has been given stocks, bonuses, and very recently, a significant raise. My boyfriend now makes $20,000 more than I do. I’ve been trying to ignore these intense feelings of jealousy, but am losing the fight. I feel as though what I do at my job is important and the respect I’ve gained from others while doing it is priceless. But I do not make enough money to support myself (I am lucky enough to live with family), and the fact that I make so much less than my boyfriend is starting to take a big toll on my self-esteem and our relationship. — Underpaid

Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: Tackling Age Differences In Relationships

About four months ago I started dating a new guy. He’s great to me, we can talk for hours, and have loads in common. But of course there is a catch … I’m 21 and he’s 30. Because of the age gap, I feel like I’m too far behind in my life to have a real adult relationship. I feel this way most when we are around some of his friends (most are married, engaged, or have children). He just told me he loved me (after four months!) and I’m afraid of moving too fast with this guy because I feel that he needs more from me than I can give. He talks about marriage and kids a lot. Although I want all of those things one day, I really must finish undergrad first. How can I let him know all of this without discouraging him from being with me? I really do feel that I love him back, but that could be me being a 21-year-old girl who is in lust. Clearly I’m having mixed emotions! — The Antique Collector

Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend Sends Dirty Texts To Girls He Meets Online”

I have this great boyfriend. We live together, he is never not able to be found, he buys great gifts for me and my daughter. He does home improvements to my home, mows my lawn and constantly tells me that he loves and adores me. And his family is great to me and my daughter too. Here’s the kicker. I know for a fact (because I snoop) that he goes online and meets girls. He gives out his number and corresponds with them, but as far as I can tell, he never really meets up with them. How can he when we are together all the time? He never has guy friends that he goes out with. He never goes out with anyone but me. When he is home, he keeps his phone turned off so I can’t see/hear who is calling. BTW: He’s a cop and works the midnight shift. I have caught him before sending dirty texts to girls that he says are friends (that I guess he meets online) and tells me this is no worse than using a 900 number. I think he does it just for sexual stimulation. Since I found this out, he has blocked texting on his phone for me. Part of me wants to dump him, but on the other hand, he is really good to me. If I didn’t snoop, I would have no reason to question his whereabouts or his love for me. Is this kind of behavior acceptable? Am I dealing with a nut? Or am I crazy to put up with it? I feel like anyone I meet will have some sort of issues that I will have to deal with, and they may not be as good to me as he is. — Cop’s Girlfriend

Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “How Long Do I Have To Wait For A Commitment?”

Recently I met a guy that I truly enjoy being with. We have been sort of dating for a month. We are very different from each other, but we connected really well from the first time we started talking. I have never really “dated” in the conventional sense before. Usually, it takes two to three dates before me and the guy are already sort of a “couple.” This guy doesn’t want to commit to me yet though. He feels that one month is too short of a time. I really like him so I agreed to it, but deep inside it is eating me up. I mean, I know he isn’t dating anyone else because he works like crazy and we talk on the phone every night. We have already had sex and the more I have sex with him the more I fall head over heels. I took a bit of time off from him because I felt like I was falling for him and the more I did the more I wanted a commitment. This word pushes him to the wall and it scares him away. So I figured, if I don’t see him for a week, then he will miss me and want me more, or I will get over him and that way won’t scare him off. It seems as if he is still the same. No drastic change with him. It seems like he isn’t going crazy for not seeing me. On the other hand, he calls me every night. It confuses me because he keeps on calling me and talking to me as if he needs to call me, but does not want to commit to me. I miss him so much. What am I supposed to do? I do not know how the dating scene works. How long do people casually date before they can start thinking of being a couple? Should I continue dating him casually and wait for him to make the move (if ever), and if so, how long should I wait until I understand it is pointless to continue? — In A Hurry

Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend Gives Me A Stupid Stuffed Animal For Every Special Occasion!”

My boyfriend and I have been dating for five years. I feel so confused because he gives me a stupid stuffed animal for every holiday that comes around while I actually put thought into his gifts. We have no problem in our age difference (about 12 years), but lately I’ve been feeling as if he doesn’t care and thinks that this will just gratify me as if I were a little kid. I love him and feel that his feelings should have progressed by now. I don’t ask for a single thing, just an occasional compliment or signs of affection, which he seems to feel as if he doesn’t need to give. I got my hair done and he honestly looked at me and laughed and then said, “What happened to the curls?” I make sacrifices for him, but he seems to always have a problem with making them for me. I know everything is pointing to breakup, but I just can’t do it. I love him so much more than he’ll ever know. I am about to tell him that if he can’t give me anything else for the upcoming Valentine’s Day then just don’t get me anything at all. I cannot bear to get another stuffed animal. Would this be wrong to say? — Had Enough and Ready to Go

Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “I’m In Love With My Best Friend, But He Doesn’t Feel The Same”

Last month I gathered the courage to admit to my best friend that I had romantic feelings for him. He handled my admission with the utmost sensitivity and respect, as I knew he would, but said that he didn’t feel the same way. He told me that I was the best friend he had ever had, and that while he hoped we would always be close, he would understand if I needed to put a little space between us for a while. I assured him that I (and our friendship) would be fine. Since that day, our friendship has gone on just as it always has, with no weirdness or tension. But I’m realizing that I’m not fine (shocker, I know). While I’m good at hiding it, I still feel those romantic feelings towards him. Now, I know better than to hope that he’ll change his mind and realize that I’m the one. I know that I just need to get over these feelings and that spending so much time with him isn’t helping. But at the same time, he is my best friend and I can’t (and don’t want to) imagine my life without him in it. Do you think it is possible to get over these feelings while still remaining so close? My heart aches at the thought of losing his friendship. — In Love With My Best Friend

Keep reading »

  • Zergnet: Simply Irresistible

  • HowAboutWe

  • Popular