Tag Archives: dear wendy

Dear Wendy: “He Doesn’t Want Children, But I Do”

I began seeing a great guy about five months ago. I’m 23 and he’s 34, but the age difference has never been a big deal as we have a lot in common. We recently went on a weekend trip where he told me nonchalantly over dinner that he did not want children. When he asked me what I wanted, I replied that I did want children. The rest of the night wore on and I didn’t think much of it because I’m so young and I don’t see myself having kids for a while. But this morning, I began thinking about the situation some more, and now I’m very troubled. I will want kids some day, and if he doesn’t, eventually we will have to break up. Does is make sense to do it now, before we have invested time and emotions, or should I wait? Again, I don’t want to get married and have children soon, but I will one day, and if he doesn’t … what’s the point? — Sad at Work

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Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend’s A Freeloader”

My boyfriend and I are both 25 and have been together for three years. The problem is that my boyfriend stays the night at my apartment seven nights a week even though we don’t technically live together. Currently, he “lives” with his mom, which means he basically just goes to her place in the morning to shower and get dressed after spending the night at my place. He said he wants to eventually move in with me and get married but he feels like he needs to live on his own and “have his own physical space” before he moves in with me. Don’t you think if he really wanted to move out on his own he would’ve at some point? And surprisingly, he said if he did get his own place, he’d still want to spend every night with me! He said spending nights apart would feel like a step back in our relationship and he doesn’t want that. I am stumped as to his rationale behind all this. How do I deal with this situation or convince him that he doesn’t need his own physical space to feel like a man? (Also FYI: I’d rather be engaged first before moving in together, and he knows this, but given these circumstances it’s like we’re already living together, and he’s just not paying rent.) — Free Rent

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Dear Wendy Updates: “Platonic Friend” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from Platonic Friend whose male best friend confided he was in love with her despite both of them being in relationships with other people. Platonic Friend explained to him how much she loved her boyfriend, but was sad that he seemed to be fading out of her life since his confession. I told her she should probably be relying on her boyfriend a bit more for male friendship and let this other guy figure out what’s going on with him and his girlfriend. Did she listen to my advice? Are they still friends? Find out after the jump. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “I’m An Ugly Beast”

A few days ago, The Frisky posted a link to an advice column where a man had written in to say he was very ugly — a beast. The thing is, I’m a female beast. So what would your advice be to a female in this situation, since men are not known for looking past a woman’s appearance. I’m a woman who is just plain ugly — no genetic disorders, just ugly. The thing is, I try. I clean up, I dress nicely, but I’m not pretty, not attractive in any way shape or form, and I have never once been approached in a bar or at a party, or asked on a date by a colleague or friend, no matter how sparkling and charming and witty I might be. And I put myself out there — I talk, I flirt. It’s very easy to say “oh it’s your manner” or “if you met the right guy…” when you fall into the “normal to pretty” category, but I’m not in that category, I’m just not. And I don’t have Body Dysmorphic Disorder or anything like that; I’m being honest and realistic. So, how am I supposed to keep looking, keep trying when all I have faced is rejection? How do I not give up? — A Female Beast

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Dear Wendy: “I’m Having A Quarter-Life Crisis”

I graduated from college earlier this year and like so many bright-eyed 20-somethings, I believed I was about to start on a grand Real World Adventure. Four months post-graduation, in the worst employment market since the Great Depression, my world view has dulled considerably. I’m working (for pay) and interning (for “work experience”), and with student loan payments starting soon, I gave up my apartment to move back home. My social circle, which was sizable as an undergrad, has taken repeated blows — my best friend just started med school, four others moved out of state (or out of country) for jobs, and the ones who are still around have (understandably) fallen in step with work friends or are still in school. I feel disconnected and lost, like everyone’s moving forward with their lives and I’m stuck in place. I’ve joined dating sites and sports leagues in an attempt to meet more people my age, but nothing seems to click. My mom keeps assuring me that when I get a job everything will fall into place and my Grand Adventure will begin. In the meantime, how do I regain my sanity and my social life? — Real World Weary

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Dear Wendy Updates: “Expecting The Unexpected” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from Expecting the Unexpected who wrote to me back in May when she thought she might be pregnant with a former fling’s baby and planned to have an abortion. That former fling was suddenly interested in a friend of hers and she wasn’t sure whether she should tell him about her (probable) pregnancy and risk coming between him and her friend or not tell him at all. I advised her to first see a doctor and have her pregnancy confirmed and then decide for herself whether she thought the guy had a right to know what was going on. I also said that pregnant or not, she was already in a love triangle just by virtue of being friends with both her former fling and the girl he was now crushing on and she shouldn’t let that dissuade her from doing what she felt in her heart was right. So, did she tell him about the pregnancy? Did she end up having an abortion? How’s she doing today? Find out after the jump. Keep reading »

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