Tag Archives: dear wendy

Dear Wendy: “Should I Tell My Boyfriend I May Be Pregnant?”

I am a 20-year-old college student who is in a really strong relationship with a great guy. Lately I have been feeling extra tired, extra hungry, and my boobs have been extra sensitive. I feel like there is a chance that I’m pregnant, but it is definitely too soon to tell. My inner feminist is telling me to let him know, because it takes two to get pregnant, and I shouldn’t go through this alone. Another part of me says that I should suffer in silence rather than cause potentially unwarranted chaos, and wait until I know for sure. What do you think? — Possibly Preggers

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Dear Wendy: “She Hasn’t Paid For A Single Date Yet”

I met someone online and we’ve gone out five times. We’ve gone to two nice dinners, brunch, a movie, a night of bar hopping and our first date, which was drinks that lasted until 2 a.m. Things are going pretty well. So far, I’ve paid for everything we’ve done. She hasn’t made so much as a reach for a check. Like Seinfeld once said, “it’s nice to get a reach.” I’m a single father and I have a lot of expenses to deal with. It’s not like I can’t afford her, but I don’t want to feel taken advantage of either. She’s got a good job, so I’m pretty sure she’s not struggling. How do I let her know I don’t like paying all the time, but I’m more then happy paying most of the time? — No One’s Chump

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Dear Wendy: “Will My Brother’s Obnoxious Fiancée Ruin My Graduation Party?

I’m graduating from college in June. I’ve had a lot of setbacks and ups and downs that I had to deal with in order to get to where I am now, so I’m planning a party to celebrate my accomplishment. The problem is I do not want my older brother’s fiancée to attend. We do not get along and have a mutual understanding to keep out of each other’s way. The times that we do have to be around each other she always has something negative to say or a backhanded comment; and I just don’t want to be around that at my party. I have tried being nice to her, but after she insulted our mother and disrespected me, I’ve given up on that route. She has constantly manipulated my brother into canceling plans that he and I have, causing us not to be as close as we once were (we barely talk now). I have a feeling that she’ll want to come just to make a good impression on our family (which has nothing to do with me or my party). As I prepare to send out invitations, I was wondering if I should just invite my brother (even though we aren’t very close) or should I invite him and his fiancée? If I just invite my brother; how can I tell him and/or her that I would rather she not come? I should also mention that the party I’m planning is a small one with just close friends and family, and since she is neither (yet) I do not feel the need to invite her. — Drama Free Party Planner

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Dear Wendy: “If I Buy A Home, I’ll Lose My Boyfriend”

I currently live with my boyfriend in a rental apartment. I really hate renting and want to buy property and though I can afford to buy something on my own, my boyfriend can’t and is putting a lot of restrictions of what kind of housing he’d be willing to move into. For example, he knows I can only afford a condo or co-op, but has said he’ll only live in a private house, and basically, if I buy an apartment, our relationship is over. Everything in the place we’re currently living in is broken and we have a lot of problems with our landlord, so even if I don’t find something to buy, I would still like to move when the lease is up, but my boyfriend even has a lot of requirements for that. He has to have parking and outdoor space for a grill, but we live in New York, and finding a rental we could afford that has both those amenities is very hard. We’ve lived together for four years and I cannot picture my life without him, but I feel that his laundry list of requirements and preferences for housing are keeping me from moving out of a place I really hate living in, and holding me back from doing something that would really benefit me. How can I make him understand how important it is to me to move, and hopefully into something I own and not just rent? How can I make him understand that we are wasting money on rent? At the very least I would like to move into a cheaper rental so I could save money to purchase a home. He would also be able to save money too, but all he sees is that parking spot! — Wants To Move

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Dear Wendy: “Should I Marry My Poor Boyfriend?”

I’m 28 and have been dating my 34-year-old boyfriend for almost two years. This relationship was “hot and heavy” from the get-go because our personalities really clicked and he is the first man I have ever loved. However, I regret moving in with him a year ago not because I don’t love him, but because I’m not sure he can give me the type of life I want. When we met, we made the same amount of money. However, now I’m way above him in salary and I’m also going back to school for my Masters (I’ve always been an over-achiever). My future looks very bright compared to his. He lost his previous job and his current job pays barely enough to cover his minimum monthly expenses! The worst part is I’m not sure I have faith in his professional money-making abilities. If I stay with him, I can totally see a life where I’m bringing home the bacon while he’s the stay-at-home dad … which might be nice for some women, but that is NOT the life for me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want him to support me. I simply would like my life partner to be able to pull his own weight and possibly “carry” me temporarily should I need it — and I would do the same for him. Bottom line, I don’t feel safe financially with him, but I do love him. Should I marry him (and carry all the financial responsibility) or break up with him (and risk never finding another man who loves me as much)? — Money-Maker

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Dear Wendy: “I’m Physically Sick After Ending My Engagement”

I called off an engagement about two weeks ago and I am an absolute mess. I feel like I can’t eat, can’t sleep, have massive headaches, nightmares, constantly feel sick to my stomach … I could go on but I think that paints the picture. I’m seeing a therapist and it’s sort of helping, but the physical symptoms are not going away. I’ve read self-help advice (throw away his stuff! stop contacting him!) and I’m doing all of that, as well. I’ve talked to my super supportive friends but they (understandably) just don’t really know what to say. At this point, I just need help putting one foot in front of the other and taking one day at a time; any advice? How do I stop feeling so sick and start eating and sleeping normally again? — Heartsick

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Dear Wendy: “Are Pre-Engagement Jitters Normal?”

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly four years. I recently found out, through my mom, who has a huge mouth, that my boyfriend stopped by to pick up my grandmother’s diamond. We are using it in a simple setting we picked out together. When I picked it out, I was overjoyed. I’m still very excited. But now that it is real, I can’t help but be a little nervous. I don’t ask myself if he is the right person, I just worry about forever being a long time. What if it doesn’t work out? What if it’s the wrong choice? What if 10 years from now we regret getting married? What if I have to get a divorce? I’m a planner by nature. I hope for the best and plan for the worst and I like guarantees. I like to know what is going to happen to me. Is it wrong to be a little bit nervous about all the uncertainty and life changes I am jumping into? — Planner

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Dear Wendy: “Is It Normal To Stop Wanting To Spend Every Second With My Boyfriend?”

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost six months. He goes to school in Rhode Island and comes home to New Hampshire every weekend. So I always keep my weekends free and make plans with him around my work schedule and his. I guess we’ve kind of been in that stage where we want to spend all our time together and seeing as how that’s only on the weekends I feel like its been amplified. This coming weekend I’m going on a day trip with my best friend and our moms. I thought we could do something Friday night too (best friend and I) and I got excited because it’s been awhile since we’ve made plans. Then I remembered that I spend my weekends with my boyfriend and I felt bad. I guess what I want to know, is it normal for the wanting to be together every second feeling to ebb out? — Honeymoon Stage

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Dear Wendy: “I Hate The Necklace My Boyfriend Gave Me!”

For Valentine’s Day, I opened a tiny box from my amazing boyfriend of one year that included the nicest and most expensive piece of jewelry I have ever owned in my entire life. The problem? I absolutely hate it! It is a truly nice necklace, but it’s nothing I would ever choose for myself. I had a sick feeling in my stomach when I took off my grandmother’s beautiful necklace from the 1940s — one of my dearest heirlooms — to replace it with an over-priced department store find. I’m also a bit confused since I found out it was purchased during my 45-minute drive to where he lives. Quick decision, maybe? So, here lies the question: do I tell him what I really think or do I continue to wear this necklace that honestly makes me cringe? I know he works hard, and the thought was there; I just don’t know if it’s inappropriate to suggest that we exchange it together and both pick out something else, or if I should just keep my mouth shut. My mom even joked about the possibility that this same situation may happen if he ever proposes, which we both talk about often. I’m the kind of girl who would be happier with a $50 vintage piece of jewelry than anything that’s $400 and brand-spankin’-new. — Trying To Be Grateful

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Dear Wendy: “Am I Too Young To Live With My Boyfriend?”

I’m 20 years old and am a college sophomore in New York. I met my boyfriend, a fellow classmate, during orientation and we’ve been together for a year and four months and things are going really great. The time to pick housing for next year is coming up soon and I’m having trouble deciding things. I go to Columbia, where the administration had just implemented a “gender neutral” housing policy starting next year, as you guys wrote about in one of your previous posts, and I’m trying to decide if I want to live with my boyfriend next year. If we do decide to be roommates, we could get a really nice double with our own kitchen and bathroom, which would put an end to the communal kitchen/bathroom ordeal I’ve had to deal with for the last two years. It’ll be like having our own apartment in New York. But I know that being roommates can bring a lot of other things into the relationship that we never had to deal with before, and I don’t know if we’re ready for that. Also, I’m not sure if I will ever get any work done if I’m living with my boyfriend. But then again, I feel like it would be the perfect arrangement for us, and I’m not really concerned about us breaking up and having to deal with the awkwardness that would ensue. What do you think? — Undecided Roommate

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