Tag Archives: dear wendy

Dear Wendy: “Is It A Bad Idea To Move In With My Ex And Her Boyfriend?”

I’m planning on moving in to a new apartment with two close friends in a few months. We’re all in our mid-20s now and hang out on a weekly basis. The two of them have been dating for a little over two years now, and like the idea of sharing an apartment with a close friend before moving out completely on their own together. I’ve been friends with the girl for about nine years, and the guy for about six, and was actually the one who introduced them. The girl and I also dated for about two and a half years, but broke it off over three years ago, while still in college. After a cool-off period, we slipped back into our previous friendship far better than either of us expected, and have been extremely close since. While I’m not worried about living with the two of them, some of my family and friends think it’s a bad idea. I have no desire to get back with her, or really to change the relationship we currently have in any way. We actually lived together our senior year of college (after the breakup) with another mutual friend. That all worked out rather well, despite the obvious concerns to the contrary, so I feel we definitely have some past experience to believe there shouldn’t be any significant problems living together. Do you think having an intertwined past could prove problematic when living together? — Cautiously Optimistic

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Dear Wendy Updates: “Orally Fixated” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Orally Fixated,” the woman whose boyfriend refused to brush his teeth. You remember her, don’t you? A lot of you, like me, were shocked that OF wasn’t demanding her boyfriend make oral hygiene a priority. “How do you stand kissing him?” I asked. After the jump, find out whether OF is still with her boyfriend and whether he’s brushing his chompers these days. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “I Feel So Disconnected From My Friends”

About two years ago I moved far away from home to pursue a master’s degree. During that time, I went home on a few occasions, and each time invited a group of girls who I consider my best friends out to catch up. I sent them the occasional e-mails and texts, but with so much studying, I was unable to call or send out lengthy updates with much frequency. When I went home this past time, the weather was really bad and I got snowed in, making it impossible to attend a get-together we had planned. I tried to organize separate meetings with all of them, but they basically seemed too busy to meet before I went back. Fast forward to present: I was doing some “Facebook browsing” and noticed my friend said something to the effect of “My fiance and I” blah blah blah…. I knew she was dating someone, but I had NO IDEA she was engaged. Well, a few days later I got an email from her telling me to save the date for their wedding. I emailed back, congratulating her and asking about the engagement details. Apparently they had gotten engaged back in April (it’s August!) and she neglected to tell me. I feel very disconnected now; I know we’re all busy with work, school, careers, etc. and it’s not like I was the only one not in contact regularly (it works both ways, right?). Am I in the wrong for not sending them lengthy updates or making more of an effort? Is it irrational for me to be angry that I wasn’t told about something as important as that? Do I say that I’m upset or just accept that we’re probably all “growing apart”? — Out of the Loop or Out of Friends

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Dear Wendy: “My BFF Dumped Me Over Facebook”

My best friend of three years recently sent me a Facebook message out of the blue telling me that she no longer wishes to be friends, or in contact, with me. Her reasoning was that being friends with me causes her “too much stress” and she has been thinking about it “for the last two months.” The two examples she gave of me causing her stress were when I got annoyed at her at a party (when she was being rude to the host) and when I got angry at her for, at the last second, choosing to go to a job over helping me move (she told me that if I wanted her help, I would have to pay her $200!). These were two small fights that we had already discussed and (I thought) had resolved. But she told me that I should no longer contact her, and even dis-invited me to a party she’s throwing. We had plans to travel abroad over winter vacation, and she was going to come to my family’s Thanksgiving this year (for the third year in a row). Why continue making plans with me if you’re thinking of dropping me as a friend? Some of our mutual friends have hypothesized that because she and her first serious boyfriend are still in the “honeymoon period” where everything is all roses and sugar, maybe she’s rejecting any relationship that isn’t “perfect” in her mind. I had a lot of problems with depression, anxiety, and suicidal tendencies when I was younger, and basically had no real friendships until around the time I met her, and her behavior is triggering some of those old feelings. I have no idea how to handle this if she refuses to even speak to me. — Confused, Hurt, and Betrayed

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Dear Wendy: “Should I Take Sides In My Friends’ Feud?”

It’s time again for “Shortcuts.” For every question, I’ll give my advice in two sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss taking sides in friendship fights, and a bunch of boyfriends saying a bunch of stupid things. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy Updates: “Down On Dibs” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Down on Dibs,” whose close friend called dibs on a guy they were both interested in. She said that her friend introduced her to the guy, and that she felt immediate chemistry with him and he made it clear he was interested in her, but that her friend told her she’d be furious if she pursued him. Oh, and these are 30-year-olds we’re talking about here. So, did Down on Dibs go against her friend’s wishes and pursue the guy? Is she dating him now? Is her friend talking to her? Find out all after the jump. Keep reading »

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