Tag Archives: dear wendy

Dear Wendy: “I Can’t Poop At My Boyfriend’s House!”

This weekend is an all “Shortcuts” weekend for Dear Wendy. For every question, I’ll give my advice in two sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today, we discuss pooping at the boyfriend’s place, flaky friends, disappearing boyfriends, and how to propose to a guy. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend’s On Disability. Should I Dump Him?”

I’m 24 and my boyfriend’s 28, and although we’ve only been dating about three months, we’ve fallen very deeply in love. He’s kind, nurturing, and loving, and I feel like my best self around him. The only problem is that he collects disability due to a medical condition he’s had since childhood. If he didn’t collect disability, he would never be able to afford his numerous doctors visits and prescriptions. Although he’s worked in the past, and has done odd jobs since we started dating, he has limited education, and the jobs he’s held have never been very high paying. It makes me nervous that he doesn’t have a regular full-time job. I have a college degree and have always been very hard-working, and although I’m not looking for someone to take care of me, I would like to be with a person who can be an equal partner. When I told him my anxiety regarding his financial instability, he reassured me that he would always be able to meet me halfway – if not more than halfway and would always be able to support himself and help contribute towards a potential family in the future. Although he helped to alleviate some of my concern, I must admit that it still bothers me that he isn’t working. Do you think I should work around my feelings of anxiety and find a way to build a future with someone I am growing to love, or should I end the relationship to avoid growing even more attached to a man who may never be able to work steadily? — Can’t Help Being in Love

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Dear Wendy Updates: “Well-Matched” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Well-Matched,” who was concerned that her boyfriend of five months still frequently logged onto the dating site on which they met. She admitted that she, too, still had an active profile and logged in regularly to “window shop,” but couldn’t help worrying that while her intentions were innocent, her boyfriend’s may be less so. In my reply, I wondered why a couple of five months would still have active profiles on a dating site at all. “Are you into this guy enough to delete your profile and quit keeping an eye out for something better?” I wrote. “Because if you aren’t, you can’t very well question why your boyfriend isn’t ready to do the same.” So, was she ready to delete her profile? Did she finally ask her boyfriend to do the same? Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “Is My FWB In Denial About Our Relationship?”

I’ve had a “friends with benefits” situation with a male friend of mine for the last few months. I recently told him that I had feelings for him, but that I was in no way interested in acting on those feelings, as I know that he is not wanting a “gf/bf relationship” right now. After I told him this, he told me he needed some time to think things through. A few weeks later, he invited me out for a few drinks, and then back to his place for the benefits part of our relationship. We went out for a middle of the night snack, and he did all of the classic “boyfriend” posturing — opening doors, hand brushing, turned toward me, looking at me during conversations, etc. After that, he has been contacting me almost daily, first for benefits and then for cuddles and talking. Last week, he invited me out for karaoke at a local bar where he introduced me to people (as his friend), but spent the whole night with his arm around me. At one point, he even kissed me after I performed. But he still insists that this is a FwB relationship, and nothing more. Oh, and he isn’t seeing any other women in any sort of capacity. He is in denial over our relationship, or am I just way too into him? — Just a Friend with Benefits

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Dear Wendy: “I Caught My Husband Perusing The Casual Encounters Ads On Craigslist”

The other day I got home and “caught” my husband perusing the casual encounters ads on Craigslist. He’s done this in the past and tells me he does it when he feels rejected by me sexually. We have sex three to four times a week. He told me he hasn’t contacted anybody. Since he’s not big on computer porn or videos (we do have couples porn and occasionally watch), I guess I just want to know if I should be worried. Truth be told, when we were going through a hard time a few years ago, I did catch him actually writing an email to someone on Craigslist. I want to believe him now that he’s not contacting anybody — his body language and everything seems to indicate so. Plus, his actions speak very loudly — he’s always home on time, etc. After talking about it, he said he needed friends for when I got pissed off (he’s not very sociable). Should I be worried or just let this go as curiosity/arousal/etc.? — Craigslist Caution

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Dear Wendy: “I’m So Envious Of My BFF”

My roommate is awesome and one of my best friends. Whenever I need to talk to someone I go to her and vice versa. The only problem is, and I feel like a petty bitch for admitting this, all the guys want her. I can’t blame them because I love hanging out with her and she’s gorgeous. I know I’m not ugly and I make friends easily, but I can’t compete with her when it comes to guys. Whenever I am interested in a guy, he’s interested in her. She would never pursue anyone she thought I was into, but what’s the point if they are just into her anyways? The self-hatred becomes even stronger because of how jealous and resentful I get when it’s not even her fault. I am so afraid that one day I will just blow up at her and end up hating her. I tried talking to her about it once, but it just made her feel bad and then mad at me because she thinks I’m too hard on myself. I guess I am asking you how do I stop feeling jealous and resentful? How do I become OK with knowing that every time we go out the guys will want to talk to her and not me? I just want to hang out with my best friend and be happy. — Cute, But Note Cute Enough

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