Tag Archives: dear wendy

Dear Wendy: “I Have Feelings For My Friend’s Crush”

Through one of my close friends I met this guy. We quickly became friends and now hang out with the same group of people. His sense of humor is the same as mine and we also see eye-to-eye on many topics. He’s made it clear that he would be interested in a relationship and I think if we started dating, we would work well together. There’s just one thing stopping me, and that is the friend who introduced us. Not that long ago she mentioned that she’s interested in him and has been for a few years. When I think of the two of them together, I do think they would be a good match as well, BUT I don’t realistically see them getting together. It’s worth mentioning that she knows he’s interested in me, but has no idea of my true feelings for him. I’m having a hard time deciding if I should take the chance with the guy and more than likely damage my friendship with her with no guarantee that the relationship will last, or just forget about him and find someone who none of my friends are into. What do you think? — Feelings for Friend’s Crush

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Dear Wendy: “Should I Ask Him Directly If He Loves Me?”

By boyfriend and I have been together two years. About six months ago, I finally said “I love you,” deciding that if I didn’t say it first he never would. I am still waiting for him to say it back and I’m rather conflicted about the whole thing. First, we are very happy despite some bumps we hit early in the relationship. When I met him, he was completely emotionally unavailable and he has taken incredible steps toward being a better partner for me — changes that I had never even dared to ask for since you and so many others have always said “You can’t change him!” I think he does love me, because he has gone from being that commitment-phobe to telling me that, “I will stay with you until you tell me to go.” I know that he deeply values me the way he has never valued anyone before.

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Dear Wendy: “My Friend Predicts I’ll Be Divorced In Five Years”

I am newly engaged to a fantastic guy (yay!). We’ve been together for a little over two years and living together (against the wishes of my parents and a few of my friends, who happen to be very conservative Christians). Last week, a very close friend of mine raised concerns that I am getting married without “thinking it through.” She said she’s not sure what a “good friend” is supposed to do: stand there, smile, and pretend to be excited for me, or openly tell me about her concerns for my future. While I agree that a true friend will (and should) say things to you that a fair-weather friend wouldn’t, her comments hit me like a Mack truck; I was completely blindsided. She then said, and I quote, “I don’t know that I’ll be able to stand beside you five years from now when you’re getting a divorce.”

Here’s the kicker: the friend is getting married later this year and I am a bridesmaid. For that matter, I was going to ask her to be in my wedding! I know I can’t just ignore her or pretend the conversation didn’t happen, but I have no idea how to respond to her. I feel that it is in no way appropriate for anyone — friend or otherwise — to talk to someone like that. I could understand her concerns if I were with someone who is abusive, a cheater, a compulsive liar, gambler, or any number of messed-up things people to do sabotage themselves and those around them, but my fiancé is an incredible person: intelligent, funny, hardworking, treats me like gold, and even our families get along great. I just don’t know where a person gets off saying these things to a friend, and especially have no idea how she expected me to respond.— Befuddled Bride

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Dear Wendy: “I Caught Him In Bed With Another Woman!”

I have been with my boyfriend for three years, and honestly can’t picture my life without him. Last week, though, I came home and found him in our bed, passed out with a naked woman. I had been staying at my place while my mother was in town. He knew I was coming home early that morning. That was the day we were planning on leaving to go on a 7-day cruise together.

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Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend’s Relationship With His Sister Weirds Me Out!”

I’m 23 years old and have been in an honest, mature relationship with my amazing and sweet boyfriend for six months. We are very compatible and it’s likely that we’ll end up moving in together in the next year or so. A few weeks ago, I got to meet his sister, who is two years younger than us and the person he’s closest to in his family. Man, was I in for a surprise! Not only did they hug each other tightly for almost a full five minutes when we met her at the airport, but he constantly had his arm around her or was holding her hand (and sometimes mine, simultaneously). The “pet name” that he calls me turned out to be a variation on his nickname for her. He even called her by my nickname and me by hers several times. He honestly looked distraught when he had to choose which one of us to sit next to. It was strange because many of his flirtatious moves, like play wrestling, tickling, picking me up, etc. were also things that he did with her! It felt … bizarre.

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Dear Wendy: “Am I Turning Into A Bridezilla?”

I’m getting married in August and have been planning the wedding for over a year, so the date has been set for a while now. My brother — my only sibling — got engaged last weekend. I love him and his fiancée, but I was very upset when I found out today that they are planning to get married a mere six weeks before I do. Why couldn’t they get married in May or November, so that there is more turn-around time? What if all of my out-of-state family comes to his wedding and then can’t make it to mine? I invited them first! My mom is on the sickly side and is already stressed about one child getting married, so now I’m worried about her having to deal with two weddings back-to-back.

I’m worried that if I confront my brother and fiancée, it will turn into a sibling grudge match with lots of old dynamics rearing their ugly heads. I already asked my parents to mention how stressful it will be for them. Is that fair? Should I just suck it up and silently resent them so that twenty years from now when we are fighting over who gets mom’s heirlooms I end up screaming, “I get them since you practically ruined my wedding!” — Trying Not To Be A Bridezilla

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