Tag Archives: dear wendy

Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend Better Give Me Good Christmas Gifts, Or Else!”

Merry Christmas Eve! This Dear Wendy column originally ran on Dec. 23, 2009.

Last Christmas, my boyfriend and I had been together just over a year. He promised me a cruise for a Christmas present last year (we decided on it AFTER Christmas), but he never bought the tickets. He said he was waiting because he thought we might break up — which we did, at the end of January. We got back together a few weeks later but he still never bought our cruise. I tried to drop it because it just made me mad every time I thought about all of the nice gifts I’d gotten him. So this year I’m wondering what will happen. How do I make sure that I don’t get screwed again? I got him two nice gifts but I saved the receipts. If he doesn’t get me anything should I take them back? Should I try to do something to ensure that he’ll come through on a gift? Am I being completely shallow and stupid? I’m so torn because I love him but I think that crap he pulled last Christmas was really crummy and I don’t want it to happen again but at the same time, I know I should not focus on getting a gift because that’s shallow and materialistic. Should I say something to him about it?? What do you think? I need some serious advice on this one. — Shallow Sally

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Dear Wendy: “I Accidentally Said ‘I Love You’!”

It’s time again for “Shortcuts.” For every question, I’ll give my advice in three sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss accidentally dropping the L-Bomb, what’s appropriate contact between two exes, and when it’s time to MOA. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy Updates: “Not A Replacement” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Not a Replacement,” whose boyfriend constantly compared her to his deceased ex — even going to so far as to tell her she kissed like his dead ex-girlfriend. I told her to MOA, but did she heed my advice? Find out after the jump. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My Family Thinks I’m Living In Sin”

I am a 23-year-old, self-supporting college grad and my boyfriend and I have lived together for four months. We love each other very much, are happy together and everything is going great. But there is one problem. My mother and much of my family is extremely conservative and this would be qualified as “living in sin.” I see nothing wrong with my choice as it makes me happy, it’s a healthy relationship, etc., but I fear I would cause a large rift in the relationship with my mother, with whom I’m very close, if she knew or found out. But keeping it a secret is causing a problem in my relationship with my boyfriend and I know he is hurt by it. I feel like I need to do something, but I fear destroying a relationship with my family. Any advice on what to do? — Live-in Love

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Dear Wendy: “I Got Sick And My Friends Abandoned Me”

I’m 25 and earlier this year I was diagnosed with a chronic illness that I’ve yet to really get a handle on. It’s been very emotional for me to say the least, and to top it off I feel like I’ve been somewhat abandoned by my friends. The thing is, I know they’re all lovely people — it just seems like they get uncomfortable/unsure of what to say when I talk about my illness, so they think it’s best not to mention it at all or something. I’ve expressed to a few of them that it’s helpful for me to just be able to get the feelings off my chest once in a while, yet no one really seems to be making much of an effort to hear about it. I hate to be a Negative Nancy and certainly don’t want to talk about my illness all the time … I just want to know that my friends care. Am I going about this the wrong way? Is this not the type of thing that friends talk to each other about these days? My mom and boyfriend seem to think I should stop trying to get support on this from friends, but I don’t want to lean on them alone. — Not-So-Positive Pollyanna

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Dear Wendy: “Should I Let My Family’s Bigotry Ruin My Relationship?”

After several years of being contently single, I have met the most amazing man. He is smart, career driven, attentive, and we have a ton in common. While our relationship is new, and we aren’t rushing into anything, I feel that there is potential for something serious to develop. There’s just one problem — I’m white and he’s black, and while it doesn’t bother me in the least, my family is very conservative and they don’t believe in interracial dating. I am from a small town in a southern state and interracial dating is fairly uncommon here, and there are still prejudices about such things. I know that my family would adore him as much as I do if they could only look past his skin color and see him for the amazing person he is. The problem is that I don’t think that they will ever be able to do that. I feel torn between pursuing a relationship which I think could be serious, and pleasing my family. There is a possibility that some members of my family will never speak to me again, but I’m afraid that if I don’t give him a chance I may always wonder what could’ve been. I know that it’s a little early in the game for me to be thinking of choosing between a man and my family, but I am stressed out thinking about how to break the news to them. I could use any advice about how to tell them or how to know if a relationship is worth disappointing my family. — Stressed Out and Color Blind

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Dear Wendy Updates: “Insecure Mess” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Insecure Mess” who wrote in a year ago about feeling like she didn’t deserve her boyfriend of one year because he was so normal while she had so many issues. “I’m constantly thinking that he doesn’t love me, isn’t attracted to me, and is just dating me until he finds someone better. My boyfriend has never given me any reason to feel this way; therefore, I don’t think these feelings are rational at all,” she wrote. After the jump, find out how she’s doing today and get some info that may be of value to you too. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “I’m Dating A Sex Addict”

It’s time again for “Shortcuts.” For every question, I’ll give my advice in three sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss dating a sex addict, signs it’s time to MOA, and how to tell a friend she stinks. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy Updates: “Not A Parent Pleaser” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Not a Parent Pleaser,” who wrote in this week about not getting along with her boyfriend’s parents. Read her response after the jump. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My Psycho Ex Came Looking For Me At Work!”

Years ago, my now ex-boyfriend and I broke up right around Christmas. He was possessive, verbally abusive, controlling, and insanely jealous. He had serious anger issues, so there was no way we could remain friends. One particular day THREE MONTHS after the breakup, he called me the C word in a Facebook status. I texted him asking why he posted that and for the next hour he called me every name in the book and said he wished he’d never met me. The last thing he said to me was, “I’m going to go the rest of my life without talking to you and I’m okay with that.” I blocked him on Facebook and haven’t spoken to him since. Fast forward to present day and I’m dating a wonderful man whom I’m going to marry. I’m the happiest I’ve been in my whole life. Last week, however, I got a friend request … from my ex. I figured he just made a new profile, ignored the request, and forgot about it. A week later, as I was walking into work, one of my coworkers said someone was just here looking for me, and introduced himself as “the psycho ex.” Part of me wants to ask him why he’s trying to get back in touch with me and to ask him to stop, the other part of me wants to keep ignoring him in hopes this will stop on its own. And I haven’t even attempted to tell my current boyfriend for fear that he will confront him himself. Wendy, help! — Extremely weirded out!

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