It’s time again for “Shortcuts.” For every question, I’ll give my advice in three sentences or less, because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Today we discuss gross boyfriends, breakup closures, and whether to un-tag photos of exes on Facebook. Keep reading »
It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Love Struck” who wrote just a couple a weeks ago wanting advice on how to pop the question to his girlfriend, a fan of The Frisky. After the jump, find out how the proposal went and whether he got the reply he was hoping for. Keep reading »
I am in my mid-twenties, currently engaged to and living with a man I love and respect very much. We got engaged after only nine months, and in total, we’ve only been together for a little over a year. His proposal was a total shock; I was perfectly happy to just be together without rushing things, but I have to admit, it feels right to be going ahead with this. About a week ago, when I brought up marriage plans over dinner, my fiancé got visibly upset, and started talking about how “some couples just don’t ever get married” and how he thinks that’s a good way to go. He also started talking about changing the wedding plans to something much smaller than we had discussed. He later even talked about putting the wedding off indefinitely. He assured me that he’s very much in love with me, and it’s not the thought of marrying ME that’s putting him off, but the idea of losing his independence and stagnating after he gets married. I want to reassure him and talk it over, but part of me thinks he probably just needs to stew over it for awhile (I did the same thing, to a lesser degree). My question is, do I give him his space to just work it out? How much space? At what point does it make sense to call off the engagement? I feel silly being engaged with no wedding on the horizon. Regardless, I’m still committed; I just need to know where I/we stand so I can make life plans. Advice? — Bride in Question
My boyfriend (he would be a fiancé, but I turned him down) and I have been in a relationship for 2 1/2 years, and we have a 16-month-old daughter together. We’ve had problems in our relationship from almost the beginning. Every time I try to move on, he always coaxes me into staying (saying “we’re a family,” he loves me, “we’ll work on our relationship,” etc.). Most of our issues stem from his drinking. He’s English, and so he’s always spent loads of time in the pub, however, he’s being irresponsible, and only recently have I figured out he’s a functioning alcoholic. He says he’ll come home sober, but he keeps choosing not to (he can’t say no to another pint). Recently our arguments have started getting worse, and it’s getting physical. He refuses to go to couple’s counseling, and I’ve never been more alone in my life than I am in this relationship with him! I think on some level I do love him, but I feel that our daughter is more important. I don’t want her to grow up thinking that our nuclear family unit is normal. Should I MOA or try and stick it out, and focus just on my daughter and myself (only including him when he’s not drinking)? — Girlfriend of a Drunk
It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Sexless Bride” whose brand-new husband had completely lost interest in sex with her and refused to see a doctor or a therapist about it, explaining that he simply wasn’t sexually attracted to her any longer. After the jump, find out if they’re still together and whether they’ve been able to get past his sexual issues. Keep reading »
My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a while now, and quite a few times in the past few months (especially recently) he’s told me that he loves me or is in love with me. Every time I’m with him my thoughts are screaming “I love you!” and I want to say it, and I’ve tried, but my head can never tell my mouth what to say, which leaves me wondering if I do indeed love him. When I’m with him, everything is finally okay, but when we’re apart, I don’t feel exactly right. I’m willing to do anything to see him happy, even if it means bending over backwards, which I’ve done, and I’ve sacrificed my own happiness for him a few times (he was unaware of it though) just to help things work for him. Twenty years from now, I want more than anything for him to be happy and with the love of his life, but sometimes I don’t think I’m her. There are times when I feel like we’re great now, but not necessarily forever, and that leaves me wondering if I really love him. What does it mean to you to be in love? If you’re in love does it mean that you want to spend the rest of your life with that person, or can it simply be something just for now? And also, how do I go about telling my boyfriend that I love him, when every time I’ve wanted to and tried, I’ve failed? I feel like I can’t rely on myself to say a simple “I love you” so are there other ways to do it, while keeping it incredibly romantic and memorable? — Love Shy
I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years. Initially, he was the pursuer, but as time passed I fell completely in love. We were stable, playful, and even got a dog together. Starting in October, though, he started being shady: [at] bars all the time, getting too drunk to drive home and staying at his friend’s house (who happened to live with a girl who was a previous hook-up of his), lying about who he was with and just being sneaky in general. I panicked and clung harder than ever, became suspicious and snooped and only made myself feel worse. And then we moved past it and were happy again. Then, last Sunday, he said we “needed to talk.” I feared the worst: cheating? Breakup? Nope. He has been seriously preoccupied with my eight pound weight gain. He says his preoccupation is the reason for his distance, and that he’d hate for us to have to plan our lives around my weight gain. (You know, since being 5’6, 165 lbs seriously inhibits my lifestyle.) I don’t feel like it’s unreasonable for him to say something about maybe working out more, but blaming our relationship issues on my weight gain? Since he told me, he has been affectionate and loving again; he says he just needed to get it off his chest and now everything will be fine. But I’m pissed. Is it worth it for me to put up with his shallowness? I don’t think it’s okay to blame everything on eight pounds. Am I overreacting? Or should I MOA? — 165 and Ready to run
It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Low Confidence” who had just started online dating after getting her weight under control. With very minimal dating experience at all, she got a little freaked out when her first potential online match flaked and disappeared after she asked him out. “I was really starting to like the guy, as much as you can like someone you’ve never met, so it’s a bit disappointing that when I finally thought I might get to meet a nice guy, it doesn’t seem to have worked out. I decided to get back on the horse and have begun communication with two other guys, but I’m worried the same thing will happen again.” After the jump, find out if she indeed got back on the horse and how things are going for her today. Keep reading »
Every summer, my family takes a vacation to our mountain house in upstate New York. We have a dog though who doesn’t come along so one or two of us kids stays behind to take care of him for the month that everyone’s gone. Last year, I joined my brother for the month, but he recently moved to Florida, leaving me as the only person staying behind. I’m 20, and hoping to finally move out by June (depending on my job though), plus I hate staying at our big home in the middle of nowhere all alone. Our dog is big and used to being able to run around in fields, so it seems cruel to move him into a small apartment with me. My mom suggested having someone stay with me this summer and wait till my family gets home to move out. I’m strongly considering asking my 22-year-old boyfriend of seven months to join me, but there are a few concerns. As of now, we’re only seven months into our relationship and I’m not sure I feel comfortable enough to spend a month living with him just yet, especially since we also work together. Also, things are a bit rocky in our relationship, though I’m confident by the summertime things will be much better. Do you think that it’s too soon for us to live together, even though it’s only for a couple months, or would it be good for us? If I do ask, how should I bring it up to him without making him think that I’m more serious about our relationship than I’m ready to be? — Dog Sitter
After dating guys who weren’t very good for me, I met a stable, solid, loving man who treats me very well. I’ve been trying hard to make this work, but I can’t seem to develop an emotional connection with him. I keep thinking it’s because he’s just not full of the rush and drama of past relationships, and that I’ve been mistaking drama for love, and don’t know what to do with a good relationship. But it’s been a few months now and I just don’t feel a rush — ever. I don’t know what to do. — Love Stumped
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