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Dear Wendy: “My Friend Predicts I’ll Be Divorced In Five Years”

Wendy AtterberrySeptember 12, 2011 //

I am newly engaged to a fantastic guy (yay!). We’ve been together for a little over two years and living together (against the wishes of my parents and a few of my friends, who happen to be very conservative Christians). Last week, a very close friend of mine raised concerns that I am getting married without “thinking it through.” She said she’s not sure what a “good friend” is supposed to do: stand there, smile, and pretend to be excited for me, or openly tell me about her concerns for my future. While I agree that a true friend will (and should) say things to you that a fair-weather friend wouldn’t, her comments hit me like a Mack truck; I was completely blindsided. She then said, and I quote, “I don’t know that I’ll be able to stand beside you five years from now when you’re getting a divorce.”

Here’s the kicker: the friend is getting married later this year and I am a bridesmaid. For that matter, I was going to ask her to be in my wedding! I know I can’t just ignore her or pretend the conversation didn’t happen, but I have no idea how to respond to her. I feel that it is in no way appropriate for anyone — friend or otherwise — to talk to someone like that. I could understand her concerns if I were with someone who is abusive, a cheater, a compulsive liar, gambler, or any number of messed-up things people to do sabotage themselves and those around them, but my fiancé is an incredible person: intelligent, funny, hardworking, treats me like gold, and even our families get along great. I just don’t know where a person gets off saying these things to a friend, and especially have no idea how she expected me to respond.— Befuddled Bride

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Dear Wendy: “I Caught Him In Bed With Another Woman!”

Wendy AtterberrySeptember 7, 2011 //

I have been with my boyfriend for three years, and honestly can’t picture my life without him. Last week, though, I came home and found him in our bed, passed out with a naked woman. I had been staying at my place while my mother was in town. He knew I was coming home early that morning. That was the day we were planning on leaving to go on a 7-day cruise together.

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Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend’s Relationship With His Sister Weirds Me Out!”

Wendy AtterberrySeptember 2, 2011 //

I’m 23 years old and have been in an honest, mature relationship with my amazing and sweet boyfriend for six months. We are very compatible and it’s likely that we’ll end up moving in together in the next year or so. A few weeks ago, I got to meet his sister, who is two years younger than us and the person he’s closest to in his family. Man, was I in for a surprise! Not only did they hug each other tightly for almost a full five minutes when we met her at the airport, but he constantly had his arm around her or was holding her hand (and sometimes mine, simultaneously). The “pet name” that he calls me turned out to be a variation on his nickname for her. He even called her by my nickname and me by hers several times. He honestly looked distraught when he had to choose which one of us to sit next to. It was strange because many of his flirtatious moves, like play wrestling, tickling, picking me up, etc. were also things that he did with her! It felt … bizarre.

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Dear Wendy: “Am I Turning Into A Bridezilla?”

Wendy AtterberryAugust 29, 2011 //

I’m getting married in August and have been planning the wedding for over a year, so the date has been set for a while now. My brother — my only sibling — got engaged last weekend. I love him and his fiancée, but I was very upset when I found out today that they are planning to get married a mere six weeks before I do. Why couldn’t they get married in May or November, so that there is more turn-around time? What if all of my out-of-state family comes to his wedding and then can’t make it to mine? I invited them first! My mom is on the sickly side and is already stressed about one child getting married, so now I’m worried about her having to deal with two weddings back-to-back.

I’m worried that if I confront my brother and fiancée, it will turn into a sibling grudge match with lots of old dynamics rearing their ugly heads. I already asked my parents to mention how stressful it will be for them. Is that fair? Should I just suck it up and silently resent them so that twenty years from now when we are fighting over who gets mom’s heirlooms I end up screaming, “I get them since you practically ruined my wedding!” — Trying Not To Be A Bridezilla

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Dear Wendy: “I Keep Thinking About Cheating”

Wendy AtterberryAugust 25, 2011 //

I have been seeing my boyfriend for the past eight months. I would describe our relationship so far as “perfect.” We rarely argue and when we do it is settled within minutes. He is so caring and actually talks to me about his feelings and wants to know the way I feel about a lot things that really do matter. Our relationship has no drama whatsoever and we are perfectly happy. The thing is, I have been known to cheat on my ex-boyfriends in the past. He does not know this nor ever will, and I have no urge to cheat on my current boyfriend whatsoever.

However, my job recently made me relocate to a different location for six months. We both agreed to stay together during this time and so far it has been great but I’m finding myself thinking about being with other men. When I see men I think to myself, “If I wanted him, I could probably have him.” I am realizing these are the exact thoughts I was thinking when I would cheat on my exes. I don’t understand why I feel this way. I know I love my boyfriend and would never ever cheat on him but how do I keep myself from having these thoughts? Is this something all people in a relationship think about but just never say anything? — Once a Cheater

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Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend Lies About His Porn Viewing”

Wendy AtterberryAugust 18, 2011 //

I’ve been with my boyfriend — my first boyfriend — for almost two years now. I am away from home at school, only an hour and half drive away, and we see each other every weekend. He stays with me when he comes to visit. Recently the past couple of times he has come to visit, he uses my computer while I am away for class for a couple hours. At this recent account, I came back to my room and noticed that the floor was a little damp in a certain area right next to his chair. I asked him what happened and he said he spilled something. Later after he left, I was on my computer and up popped up porn sites. Then it dawned on me that he had not spilled something on the floor … if you know what I mean … So, I checked my history and found even more porn sites. According to the timeline of the days’ events, I know he looked at this right after I left for class, so right when he woke up and got out of bed.

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Dear Wendy: “It’s Been Five Years And My Boyfriend Still Won’t Propose!”

Wendy AtterberryAugust 15, 2011 //

I’m a 27-year-old female, and I’ve been with my 31-year-old boyfriend for over five years now. We have made a happy and loving life together, including sharing a home, sharing our finances, being closely involved with each other’s families, and we even have two cats and a puppy together. About a year ago we started talking seriously about getting engaged within the next six months, but by the time fall rolled around, my boyfriend told me that though he loves me and wants nothing more than a future with me, he was just not ready for an engagement yet. He had some issues from his parents’ divorces, and decided to begin counseling to deal with them.

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Dear Wendy: “I Created A Fake Boyfriend On Facebook To Make My Ex Jealous”

Wendy AtterberryAugust 10, 2011 //

I’m a 39 year-old woman and I broke up with my boyfriend of three months about two weeks ago. We broke up on bad terms; I had a hunch he was cheating because he suddenly, for no reason, hid everything on his Facebook page. I told him I didn’t trust him, and he basically said that we should just be friends. I was crushed and haven’t contacted him, but I knew he was still my friend on Facebook and would see my posts. So … I decided to invent a fake boyfriend. I created a fake Facebook identity, complete with fake friends and even a fake profile picture and then basically “friended” myself. Over the past week, the fake boyfriend posted things on my wall and asked me out on dates, all for the purpose of making my ex jealous! Then I changed my relationship status to “In a Relationship.” Well, my ex saw that and sent me a message saying if I was trying to hurt him, he didn’t really know me. Then he unfriended me.

I thought that if it looked like I had a boyfriend, it would seem like he didn’t mean that much to me. I wanted to hurt him, but now I feel even worse. I am totally ashamed that I would do something so petty and juvenile. How do I fix this situation? Should I just leave my ex alone and move on? Should I admit what I did and apologize? I’m really not a crazy person; I was just hurt and now I really regret behaving like a twelve year old! — Regretting Fake Facebook Status

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Dear Wendy: “Should I Dump My Boyfriend Before I Start College?”

Wendy AtterberryAugust 3, 2011 //

I’m an eighteen year old girl about to start college. I’ve had a boyfriend for a year and I’ve really enjoyed our time together. He was my first boyfriend, therefore he is very special to me and basically all I have ever known. Very soon, we will be about two hours apart during college. This is hard for me to even fathom because we see each other almost every day. He has become a best friend to me, and I just don’t know what to do without him. On the other hand, I am interested in dating other people. A part of me wants to see what is out there and have new experiences, but I am so afraid I will make the wrong choice and be unhappy without him. I can’t even picture him with another girl — the feeling makes me a jealous monster. I honestly feel stuck. What should I do? — College Conundrum

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Dear Wendy: “Should My Boyfriend And I Move To A Third World Country Together?”

Wendy AtterberryJuly 20, 2011 //

I’m 21 and have been offered the opportunity to work in a rural area of a third world country. I will be doing something not very glamorous — necessary work for the project, but not the most exciting thing ever. I am very ambivalent as to whether I should accept it — I don’t speak the language, have no particular ties to this country, and am unsure if I would enjoy this opportunity. However, it would be a different experience and very unique. I would appreciate your level-headed thinking on this matter. In addition, I have a boyfriend of over two years. We have a great relationship and love each other deeply. He has offered to move to this country with me. He has few things tying him to our current location and has also expressed that he would be willing to follow me to other areas of the continental U.S., etc. My question is: is this a good idea? My heart says yes. It would ease my mind greatly if we didn’t have to worry about the long-distance relationship factor. I’ve mentioned potential obstacles, but he brushes it off as, basically, it doesn’t matter; he wants to be with me. What do you think? If I take this opportunity, I would want him to come, but I’m worried about what might happen. What if he hates it? What if he can’t find a job? I’m not even sure if I’ll be able to see him all that often. Please help! — First World Dilemma

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