I’m a 27-year-old female, and I’ve been with my 31 year old boyfriend for over five years now. We have made a happy and loving life together, including sharing a home, sharing our finances, being closely involved with each other’s families, and we even have two cats and a puppy together. About a year ago we started talking seriously about getting engaged within the next six months, but by the time fall rolled around, my boyfriend told me that though he loves me and wants nothing more than a future with me, he was just not ready for an engagement yet. He had some issues from his parents’ divorces, and decided to begin counseling to deal with them. Keep reading »
Adam, a good friend of mine, who also happens to be an ex-boyfriend, has invited me to his upcoming wedding, but I have no desire whatsoever to go. Adam and I dated about five years ago and broke up because I was 19 and not ready for the type of relationship that he was looking for. We remained close friends, and shortly after, he started dating Debbie, his now fiancée. For a while, we all got along fine. Debbie knew Adam and I were friends, but I only saw her a handful of times over the next couple years while I saw Adam on an almost weekly basis. At first, she was never anything but friendly, but after a while, things got ugly: she sent passive aggressive messages on Myspace and wrote nasty blog posts about me, calling me a whore and a drug addict, and accusing me of trying to steal her fiancé, among other hateful things. I was upset, and confronted Adam, but he took her side and we didn’t speak for three years. Keep reading »
My husband and I have been married a little under a year and we’re starting to actually feel married. However, in all of the adjustments I’ve made, there’s still one giving me a hard time: telling people that I’ve kept my maiden name. It’s a decision I made long before I met my husband; we discussed it at length before we even got engaged, and now he and our immediate friends and families are completely, 100% comfortable with it. Keep reading »
I’m four months pregnant and split with my boyfriend of one year a week ago. He has a son with someone who he was “banging” before me, though they never had a relationship. I got used to him having a kid and things were okay. When he got used to the idea that we were having a baby he was happy because he said it was with “someone he loved a lot.”After we broke up he kept trying to talk to me but I kept ignoring him til one night he begged me to talk to him so I gave in and went to see him. He told me how much he wanted us to be together for the baby and I was considering giving it a try, but then he said, “I have to tell you something,” and he told me his baby mama might be pregnant for him again. He said he didn’t know how it happened — he was soo dang drunk he doesn’t remember anything happening. We were broken during that time and I guess he sorta thinks if he doesn’t remember what he did and that we were split up it shouldn’t matter.
I love him a lot and I want us to be together for our baby but this situation just seems so effed up. He said he wants to be with me and our baby and that he doesn’t want her to have another kid for him. He also begged me if we could still just try and be together, but I can’t figure out what to do but hope she’s lying. She had their first kid to trap him but he doesn’t want to be with her at all. I need help. This is tearing me apart. — Confused Baby Mama
Guest columnists and contributors are generously sharing their talents and insights while I’m taking some time to care for my new baby. Today’s letter is answered by freelance writer, Rachel East, AKA ReginaRey.
About six months ago, the man I thought I was going to marry left me unceremoniously for another woman. During the aftermath – the moving out and settling of affairs — he acted cruelly and horribly, cementing the split and making damn sure I didn’t come back. I spent much of the next few months depressed, having constant nightmares about him, unable to get out of bed and constantly self-medicating, because the reality of my situation was too much to face. I work freelance, and have been accepting just enough work to scrape by, wishing the end of every gig to come so I could get back into bed. Keep reading »
I’ve been dating this guy I really like for a couple months and things are going well. He’s 35, I’m 29. He’s pretty successful, and most of his friends are too. Like, really successful. Me? I’m a receptionist at a law firm and I’m going to school online for social services. I’ll be done in 2013. My problem is I’m super self-conscious around his friends because my job sounds pretty pathetic. (I know I can find a new job that I’m happier with, but that’s another conversation. I have a loose plan.) I’m meeting his family in a few weeks and I’m soo nervous. Keep reading »
Guest columnists and contributors are generously sharing their talents and insights while Wendy is taking some time to care for my new baby. Today’s letter is answered by prolific Dear Wendy commenter and social media consultant, Sarah Huffman.
My year-long relationship recently went long distance. I had gotten into several master’s programs — a few decent ones near him and an amazing one far away — and because of future career potential and pressure from everyone (including him) I chose the more prestigious, far-away program. The problem is that I am completely miserable. I am so in love with my boyfriend and I miss him so much, I don’t know what to do with myself. My school is a lot of work, which adds to the stress level. My fellow classmates go out and have fun – I’d rather get more work done so that I can have a few days to visit the boyfriend. Keep reading »
I am 20-years-old and got pregnant in August by my boyfriend of nine years. We started dating in middle school, and I have supported him through everything. The pregnancy was unplanned and my family life at home is very unhealthy, but my boyfriend wanted to keep the baby. I disagreed. I know in my heart that I couldn’t have given this baby the life right now that he or she deserved. I wasn’t ready and feel very stupid for getting myself in this position. In the end, my boyfriend was going to leave me if I had the abortion. He’s been my best friend since I was 11 and I didn’t want to lose him, so I lied and said the pregnancy test was a false positive and had the abortion. Keep reading »
I recently received a job offer from the company I interned with this past summer for next June after I graduate. I’m not sure if I want to accept this offer (because I am still questioning what field I want to work in and whether I’d have the ability to transfer into another position from this one), so I asked some of my close friends for advice. One friend seemed to resent that I wasn’t completely gung-ho about accepting this offer. She was “unemployed” for less than a month after graduating before she accepted a full-time position in her desired field, ans seems to be pushing me to accept this position due to the high unemployment rate and the fact that most people don’t find their “perfect job” upon graduation. She even went so far to say that I should accept the offer and keep looking, which I find ethically immoral. In addition, she got very upset that I didn’t feel blessed for receiving the offer or was somehow spoiled for being able to be choosy in my decision. This is a choice that will impact the next three years of my life, at the very least!
I know she is employed in a position she feels is outside of her desired field and is looking for a new job, but I do not feel that she is being supportive of the way I choose to live my life or empathizing with the decisions that I am trying to make. Was she just venting or jealous of my freedom of choice when it comes to my career prospects, or is there a deeper rift forming in our relationship, Wendy?— Job Hunter Keep reading »
I’m in a long distance relationship, and my boyfriend is nice and sweet and we connect really well. We had been friends for several years before we started dating, and back when we first became friends, he had the hots for another (super hot) friend of mine. However, she wasn’t into him and that didn’t work out. A couple of years later, we got together. Now, the thing is, even though other aspects of this relationship are going well he has said, more than once, that: a) he doesn’t find me hot; and b) that friend of mine is getting hotter each day. Keep reading »