When it comes to dating, I have a lot of preferences. I’d prefer to end up with someone who shares my religion, my political views and my musical interests. I’d prefer to find a man who has a college education, a job he enjoys and tight-knit family. But those are preferences— not dealbreakers. If I happen to find someone who’s a perfect match for me, but he’s not Catholic and he hates country music, so be it. I would be with him despite our differences. But when it comes to physical “preferences,” I’ve always been a bit pickier.
While I never considered them “dealbreakers,” my hesitation (and usually refusal) go out with someone who’s under 5’10, overweight or has a receding hairline, is, despite my denial, dealbreaker status. So this weekend, I checked those dealbreakers at the door and went on a date with my OKCupid run-in, Andrew, who I can now confirm stands barely two inches taller than me at 5’9″. Keep reading »
Now that I’ve been single for a couple of weeks, I’ve been upping my online dating game in hopes of meeting some eligible bachelors. I spent a solid three hours this weekend updating my OKCupid profile, adding new photos of myself and just seeing what’s out there, and I even created a profile on HowAboutWe.com. Since then, I’ve found myself chatting with a handful of potentials— a witty lawyer, a CrossFit enthusiast (I know, I know), a financial consultant and a bearded guy who works for an airline, whom I’ve appropriately nicknamed “Wings.”
In the past, I took a pretty reserved approach to online dating, letting others message me first and skimming through my messages every once in a blue moon. But this time around, I’m doing things differently. I’m going to reach out to the people I want to talk to and cut through the bullshit early on by being my most honest self from the get-go. If your first message to me simply says “hi,” without any thought behind it, I’m deleting it. If your profile is vague and you’re not making an effort, I’m not interested. The old me is gone, and the new, no-nonsense dater is here to stay. Thankfully, my new approach seems to be paying off. After multiple exchanges back and forth with Mr. CrossFit, I received a very straightforward message from him in response to my telling him I’m a “picky dater.”
“So am I,” he confessed. “So, let’s be straight with each other. What are your dating dealbreakers? Please, be 100 percent open and honest.” Keep reading »
You can usually whittle it down to a specific moment. I’m talking about the moment when you know you can never, ever, ever fuck a guy again. It has little to do with emotion or intellect or how nice he is. It’s a mandate issued directly from your vagina. It’s visceral. Unarguable. And once she’s made up her mind, ne’er shall she be persuaded again. Quoth an anonymous friend, “He was laying naked on my bed and said to me in baby talk, ‘Come cuddle with me.’ And that was it.”
After the jump, some more horrifying MYKYCNSHA (moments you knew you could never screw him again) courtesy of the women who lived through them. Our condolences … Keep reading »
Inspired by #ICantDateYou trending on Twitter last week, I thought it would be fun to reveal the truth behind why I dumped some of my exes.
I’ve been dumped quite a bit in my life, but I’ve also been the dumper. Neither scenario is fun, but I think I’d rather be the one getting dumped than the one doing the dumping. There’s just too much guilt being the dumper. Most of the time, the guy didn’t see it coming so I tried to let him down gently. I came up with all kinds of excuses like “I’m not ready for the kind of relationship you want” or “You deserve someone better,” the latter being a bold faced lie. I mean, you don’t dump someone who’s too good for you! If you have half a brain in your head, you’ll ride that gravy train for as long as possible. Duh. The vague “It’s not you, it’s me” was a popular one but I usually stuck with “I think we should see other people.” I just left out “… because you [insert deal breaker here].” Keep reading »
Dear guys and gals. Sometimes we get so focused on the night of our date that we forget about the morning after. Don’t do that. Yes, it’s still important to make sure that your date goes well enough to hit a home run, but don’t start celebrating until you’ve successfully crossed home base … waking up next to that person in broad daylight. I think of this moment as the true test of how well the date went. The worst, very worst, thing to feel in that moment is that you’ve made a grave mistake. That the charming, kind and sexy man who wooed and wowed the previous evening no longer exists. In his place is this naked, grunting cretin who makes you feel nothing more than the urge to wash your sheets. After the jump, a few things to keep in mind the morning after. That is, if you hope for a repeat performance. Keep reading »
There comes a time in most relationships when you must decide to, excuse my Texan, ‘shit or get off the pot.’ Relationship milestones are no mystery. There’s the “getting to know one another and going on dates” phase, the “okay, we’re more than casual but not calling each other boyfriend or girlfriend (you know, because it’s really trendy to have commitment issues these days)” phase, followed by the “I mean, it’s obvious that we’re together exclusively, but we haven’t really talked about it” phase, and finally the “yeah, we’ve been dating for years” phase. Maybe there are a few I overlooked, but at each intersection of relationship stages, a moment of decision arises. To stay or not to stay? That is the question. Progressing through each stage requires a deeper level of compatibility and the willingness to make a larger commitment. Do you have it? Read more …
Vagina Killer (vah-ji´nah kil′ər) noun: 1. The thing that an otherwise acceptable man can do or say on a date to ensure that he will never get into your pants. Ever.
Vagina killers will stop the mojo of any good date dead in its tracks. For example, say you’re on a date with a perfectly charming, perfectly smart, perfectly handsome, perfectly eligible man. Ah, you think. A normal man at last. A good conversation. A nice dinner. Things are going well! And then he drops the one bomb that will ensure your vagina is closed for business to him for all eternity. Like he tells you that all he needs in his life is his cat; in fact, they are best friends and they do everything together. For a non-allergic cat lover, that might be a vagina awakener, but for me, a very allergic, non-cat loving person: vagina DOA. I’m sorry, Guy — you were in the running before you KILLED MY VAGINA.The point being, vagina killers are very personal and specific, but we all have them. Remember, your goal is to keep that vagina alive so you can meet her in person! After the jump, some more deadly vagina killers to avoid at all costs. Please share yours in the comments.
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Last week, we shared some of our biggest Facebook friend dealbreakers. You know, like Thou Shalt Not Post Status Updates About Your Child’s Poop. Stuff like that. This week, there’s a study about how to keep people from unfriending you (in case you haven’t been able to figure it out on your own). A survey conducted at Arizona State University and published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that to keep your Facebook friendships intact you should respond to messages, avoid disrespecting people and don’t post photos that are going to embarrass or offend. More specifically: Wish your FB friends a happy birthday, don’t stalk, don’t post your highly personal emo poetry and take it easy on the inside jokes. These “rules” vary slightly by age group and may shift depending on how close you are to a Facebook friend in real life. But generally speaking, these unspoken rules all fall under the umbrella of “Don’t be a douche.” Any further questions? [Live Science]
In a recent Dear Prudence column, a woman wrote in, concerned about her fiancé’s aversion to her scent. She wrote:
“Last night, a bit too much wine prompted my fiancé to tell me a secret he’s been keeping for years: He thinks I smell bad. And that’s why our sex life has been on the decline. I know I do sweat more than some people, but I shower daily and always use deodorant. I can’t figure out if I am actually as bad as he says or if he just thinks I’m stinky because he is lucky enough to have totally odorless sweat. I am seriously considering calling off the wedding because of this.”
Prudence advises her to seek medical evaluation for her odor, adding, “If you feel your fiancé told you in a cruel or malicious way, or you think he is establishing the groundwork for breaking up with you, then you need to engage in a frank discussion about where your romance is headed.” Keep reading »
Even if you’re not a tech geek or a self-identified nerd, it’s highly possible that you’ve heard about an essay that ran on the blog Gizmodo on Monday (it’s received almost 800K hits as of this writing). In the piece, writer Alyssa Bereznak described how her first attempt at online dating resulted in her going out with a guy who, at first, seemed “normal,” until he revealed that he not only played that admittedly geeky card game Magic the Gathering, but was, in fact, the world champion. In the story, Bereznak also reveals his full name, generally a big time no-no when it comes to writing about personal experiences on the internet. (Although it becomes clear that she almost doesn’t have to give his name, as Jon Finkel — that’s his name — is a legend among the Magic community because of his “world champion” status.) Keep reading »