• dealbreaker

Dear Wendy: “I’m Stressed That My Boyfriend Smokes Pot”

I met a wonderful guy a little over a year ago and we started dating casually and taking things very slow. During that time I discovered that he occasionally smokes pot. I didn’t catch him doing it nor have I ever seen any paraphernalia anywhere — I just heard some stories through a mutual friend. When I found this out, I sat down with him and told him that our relationship would never get any more serious than what it was because I can’t be with someone who does illegal drugs (even occasionally) not only because of my job but because of my own values. This is not something I want to be part of my lifestyle and is pretty much a dealbreaker for me. I’m not trying to change anyone — I’m just acknowledging that our lifestyles are different and won’t work together. He took the news surprisingly well and told me that he was thinking about quitting anyway and didn’t want to lose a chance at something serious with me because of something he shouldn’t be doing anyway. I was and still am extremely skeptical, but we continued to date casually and take things very slow. Now our relationship is starting to progress into something more serious and I’m getting more paranoid. I can’t help but feel that he is still smoking pot when I’m not around even though he has given me absolutely no reason to feel this way. I’m starting to feel like I’m waiting for him or one of his friends to slip up rather than just trusting him and enjoying our relationship. Should I express my feelings about this to him or should I just trust him and wait it out? — Weed Killer

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Did Michael C. Hall & Jennifer Carpenter Split Because He Changed His Mind About Having Kids?

I gotta say, even though I’m rarely surprised when a celebrity couple splits, I was pretty shocked when “Dexter”‘s Michael C. Hall and Jennifer Carpenter announced they were divorcing. They’d only been married a couple years! They weathered through his battle with cancer! Surely they had the stuff that makes relationships survive? Apparently not. According to the National Enquirer (I know, a dubious source), after his cancer went into remission, Hall decided he no longer wanted to have children, a dealbreaker for Carpenter. If this is true, how sad. Imagine going into a long-term relationship/marriage with someone, agreeing on such a key aspect of where you see your lives headed together, only to have your partner up and change their mind one day. Keep reading »

Dealbreaker: The Obnoxious Social Media Oversharer

Newly returned to New York after a two-year sojourn abroad, I was eager to make friends (or more than friends), so I turned to my Facebook, FourSquare, Twitter, Tumblr, and OkCupid accounts. At some point, social media savvy became a legitimate dating skill and I was ready to showcase mine to the fullest. I was excited when a cuteish boy I had met at a Fashion Week party had started following me on Twitter. I pushed that follow-button back, baby, and the ferocious at-replying began. Keep reading »

Dealbreaker: He’s Saving Himself For Marriage

I sat at the airport, waiting to board Virgin Airlines flight 451 traveling non-stop to my sunny destination … to a friend’s wedding. I exhaled. It had been too long since I had been on a real vacation. All my vacation days seem to be designated to other people’s weddings. In the terminal, I replayed the fantasy I’ve always had that one lucky time in my life I would end up seated next to a hot man on a plane, all the planets would align, and we would join the illustrious Mile-High Club. Maybe I could even take him as my wedding date. Keep reading »

Dealbreaker: Drunk On A First Date

I should have known better than to meet handsome Dan at one of the seediest bars in Brooklyn, but looking into those baby blues that were a good four or five inches above mine, I couldn’t help but feel weak in the knees. He took my number and after a few texts we decided on getting drinks the following weekend.

I was two blocks away at 8:30, the time we had decided to meet. My phone rang. “Hey, where are you?” he asked. This being our first voice-on-voice interaction, I didn’t think anything was amiss. Maybe he was just a teensy bit nervous. Keep reading »

Dealbreaker: The Checkbook Balancer

I was in my early 20s, living in New York City and barely scraping by. Even though I was making ends meet by some combination of waiting tables/temping/focus groups, I still always had enough money to pay my rent and indulge in highly caloric, fruity martinis. Before I was on my own, my father instilled in me the importance of monitoring my money so I never overdrafted my measly bank account or bounced one of those fairy checks I was so excited to order. Keep reading »

Dealbreaker: The “Rate Me” Guy

The first fire-red flag with Jack should have come across loud and clear when he asked me — in our very first email exchange – to “rate” his online dating profile picture. This is Match.com, I thought, not one of those sort-of-creepy hot-or-not sites. I wanted a guy to take me out for dinner, a beer, maybe even have a little make-out action; I didn’t want to be a judge on an episode of “America’s Next Top Model: Males of Match.com Edition.” Keep reading »

I Can’t Be With Someone Who …

Over on Twitter right now, one of the trending topics is #Icantbewithsomeone, and people are giving all sorts of funny, honest and, of course, offensive, reasons why they couldn’t be with a particular person. It got me thinking about what would keep me from being with someone. Sure, I’m married and not looking for a new “someone,” but I couldn’t help but play along anyway. After the jump, 10 things that would keep me from dating someone. Keep reading »

Dealbreaker: He Told Me to Lose Weight

Dan had a big grin in his profile picture, like he’d just said something super funny. He liked foreign novels, old buildings, and could spell in complete words. He looked like a cute professor.

Could this be … my guy?

I’d been online dating for a few months – long enough. There were the guys who lied about their age/height/marital status, the guy who said I was a dead ringer for his favorite blond sports reporter and would I mind putting on a fake newscast for him, and my favorite, the guy who asked me not to use face cream because he had a phobia about moisturizers. Keep reading »

What’s Your Dealbreaker?

I’ve written about a few dating dealbreakers I’ve encountered — the virgin; bad sex; the dumb guy — and my friends and Frisky commenters are always quick to jump in with their own list of turnoffs that will make a guy undateable.

We hate their below-the-belt grooming (or lack thereof), their obsession with sports, their awful sense of style. But wait. Sometimes we put our razors on strike and spend marathon afternoons on the couch watching “Say Yes to the Dress.” And a guy who nitpicks our fashion choices? He’s out of there faster than he can figure out how to pronounce “Christian Louboutin.”

Let’s cut the boys some slack. Maybe it’s time to take a theatrically long look in the mirror and ask ourselves, “Would I date me?” We asked our girlfriends for their “I wouldn’t date me” dealbreakers: the habits and quirks that we’re guilty of … but have ditched men over. It turns out we’re hypocrites about a few things. Keep reading »

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