The Frisky

Dealbreaker: He Didn’t Dance

Caitlin AbberMay 3, 2012 //

Dealbreaker

He didn't know how to groom. Read More »

Dating Dealbreaker

I wasn't Jewish enough. Read More »

He Told Me To Lose Weight

When he told me to lose weight, I got rid of him. Read More »

I met Brian*, on OKCupid. He was a handsome blonde with fantastic taste in clothes. Heliked to cook, had a stable, admirable job, and played the ukulele on the side. It was all very cute. And so was he.

I imagined myself dating him for a long time, setting up a little homestead and writing songs together that we would perform and post on YouTube. He thought I was adorable and liked the way I fluttered around his apartment, all energy and smiles. I appreciated his gentle, almost Koala-like nature. It seemed like I had finally, after months of fruitless internet dating, found someone who I could really be serious about. Keep reading »

Is Your Dog An Online Dating Dealbreaker?

YourTango.comApril 17, 2012 //

Have you ever come across a gorgeous man’s profile picture who seems to have everything you’ve ever wanted in life — except he has a cat? How about that handsome, mysterious James Bond type who claims the hobbies of cliff-diving and extreme snowboarding excites him? Crap … he’s into exotic snakes. In the online dating world, these mini-factoids may fall into a category called dealbreakers.

Because dealbreakers are exactly that, the question comes into play, “Where do pets fit into your dating profile?” Most of the traditional sites have a spot where you can share your animal likes and dislikes, and these usually allow free-form writing. However tempting it may be to share the poem you recently wrote honoring Fluffy, my best advice is to keep this to a simple list. Read more…

Dealbreaker: The Woman Who Loved Me Was Also A Racist

Markham LeeMarch 16, 2012 //

My Interracial Marriage

What it's like being in an interracial marriage. Read More »

Madonna Loves To Swirl

How Madonna encouraged the writer to try interracial dating. Read More »

Poly Dealbreaker

Is polyamory a dating dealbreaker? Read More »

My online-dating profile was an exercise in what I hoped was witty sarcasm; I opened by noting that people usually just click on the pictures of people they find attractive and hope to find an interesting profile behind them. It was an approach that got me a couple of hate e-mails, but it also helped me meet Taren. Taren opened her e-mail by asking me if I had any additional pictures because, “I’m not sure you’re cute enough to be that much of a smart-ass.”

I sent her back an e-mail asking if she came from a ”wholesome-Midwestern-girl breeding program.” (Mind you, I wasn’t being that sarcastic with my response; she did have the air of the farmer’s daughter who’s hidden in the basement when strangers come a-callin’.) We wound up exchanging four or five e-mails that day, chuckling to ourselves while we sent e-mails from our boring meetings. Keep reading »

Dealbreaker: He Had Low Self-Esteem

Kristol RobertsMarch 15, 2012 //

Dating Dealbreaker

I wasn't Jewish enough. Read More »

Grooming Dealbreaker

He said she needed grooming. She thought it was a dealbreaker. Read More »

Dealbreaker!

He ordered the cheese plate ... for dessert. Read More »

“You must think he’s better looking than me,” Brian said, motioning to our waiter.

Brian started most conversations this way. I shifted my gaze and looked intently at my menu, pretending to study it, just to avoid continuing this conversation — a conversation I was no longer interested in having.

Brian was a guy I’d met leaving a party on a cold January night. He was cute and we exchanged numbers. We hung out a few days later, and thankfully he was just as appealing. Our conversations were entertaining. He got my offbeat sense of humor, and I admired his fierce loyalty to his family.

At the beginning of our fourth date, the first 20 minutes of which were spent sitting in his car, he began inundating me with questions. Keep reading »

Dealbreaker: He Brought His Grandma On Our Date

Josephine LedgerJanuary 26, 2012 //

Dealbreaker!

He ordered the cheese plate ... for dessert. Read More »

He Told Me To Lose Weight

When he told me to lose weight, I got rid of him. Read More »

Bachelor Liveblog!

Tune is as Amelia gets drunk and offers pithy commentary. Read More »

On the latest season of “The Bachelor,” contestant Brittney showed up armed with an escort to meet Ben Flajnik — her 72-year-old grandmother Sheryl, who hobbled out of the limo on crutches. An adorable little stunt for “The Bachelor,” where it’s customary for women ride in on horses or do back flips to win a rose. For the record, Ben and Sheryl seemed to like each other way better than Ben and Brittney. Sheryl may have helped Britney earn her first rose, but she left of her own accord on the third episode. Can you blame her? Watching Ben is like watching paint dry.

In real life, on real dates, these types of schemes are far less endearing. Now don’t get me wrong, I do love grandmas. Especially my own. But when Charles* asked if he could bring his “Bubbe” (Yiddish for grandmother) along on our second date, I wasn’t sure how to respond. Is there an appropriate way to turn down a man’s granny? Keep reading »

Dealbreaker: He Wanted A Mommy

Lorraine Duffy MerklDecember 15, 2011 //

Dealbreaker

Sorry, but at 26, virginity is a dealbreaker. Read More »

Dealbreaker!

He ordered the cheese plate ... for dessert. Read More »

Dating Dealbreaker

I wasn't Jewish enough. Read More »

I did not want to be in college and be a mom. And I’m not talking about having a baby, I’m talking about dating one.

Tom and I were just barely in our 20s and our wants were few. Most of the time, just being together was enough. So when he told me that he going to quit working as a NYC bike messenger during in his fifth year of college, I just thought that meant there would be more “us” time. Keep reading »

8 Hook-Up Dealbreakers

College CandyDecember 11, 2011 //

I could write a book filled with my friends’ hook up horror stories, but that would be ugly and unproductive. So in the spirit of Liz Lemon, I decided to make a list of dealbreakers to prevent said horror stories. Unfortunately, many of my friends have followed through with a hookup despite a definite deal breaker (I have not of course, because I am perfect and never make mistakes). Enough is enough. Some things are just plain unacceptable and must be addressed.

However, I didn’t just write this list for girls. Pass this post on to a guy friend. Gentlemen, please pay attention. I’m trying to help you. Read more…

Dealbreaker: The Guy With Remedial Grooming Skills

Cristina Fahrbach-ConnorsNovember 29, 2011 //

Douchebag Alert!

After our date, he told me I needed to lose weight. Read More »

Gross Beauty Rituals

The gross things we do to be beautiful. Read More »

Dating Dealbreaker

I wasn't Jewish enough. Read More »

My fairly new boyfriend Todd was a nice-enough looking guy with some questionable grooming habits. I tried to tell myself that these minor, easily fixable flaws shouldn’t influence how I felt about him.

But instead of gazing into Todd’s eyes, I found myself staring at his nose hair, fixated. Brownish-grey tufts looking like steel wool sprouted from his nostrils. An occasional bit of crust hung from his nose hairs like food caught in a beard.

Nothing says “I love you” like buying your man a nose hair trimmer. In retrospect, I realize that Todd could have gotten (justifiably) offended. But while he “didn’t see what the big deal was,” he reluctantly agreed to try the trimmer out. Todd examined the miniscule blades that didn’t appear sharp enough to cut the nose hairs of a squirrel. He turned on the trimmer and held it to the edge of his nostril as if afraid it would get sucked in too deep and shred his brain. Keep reading »

Dealbreaker: The Unmedicated Guy

Jessica WakemanSeptember 13, 2011 //

It didn’t take long for me to figure out something about Nick* was different. Everything about him was outsized, super-charming and a bit impulsive. For our second date, he seriously considered whisking me away to Atlantic City for the weekend to go gambling. After only two weeks of dating, he told me he thought I was “the one.” He chatted a mile a minute, exhausting one topic and moving right on to the next without missing a beat. On our earliest dates, I literally felt as though I was his audience — though I didn’t exactly mind, because he was charismatic and bright and his life story fascinated me. I’m not the life of the party at all, so to be with someone who is the life of the party was extremely fun. When he finally told me after several dates that he had bipolar disorder and ADD, I nearly smacked myself in the forehead. Of course he does! I realized. He’s textbook!

My older brother Eliot* also has bipolar disorder (also known as manic depression). Eliot’s behavior when he has not been taking his medication is almost exactly like Nick’s. He’s just as impulsive, if not more so; a few Christmases ago, he tried to persuade me to ditch our family and drive to Foxwoods to go gambling. Eliot is also very charming, charismatic, bright and the dictionary definition of “the life of the party.” Our personalities are so different that our friends can hardly believe he and I are related.

So when Nick mentioned that he is not taking medication for his bipolar and ADD, I nearly smacked myself in the forehead a second time. Of course, of course, I thought. And then: F**k. Keep reading »

Is Porn A Relationship Dealbreaker?

Emily Heist MossJuly 12, 2011 //

My mother and many of her second-wave feminist peers view pornography as an institutional ill that is degrading to women and damaging to developing sexuality. She believes that the camera-ready angles, waxed and plastic body parts and pervasive depiction of extreme acts as “normal” distort human sexuality and give young porn-viewers a whole bunch of false and dangerous expectations.

My mom is a smart lady, and she’s not wrong. While I agree that some porn (okay, most of it) fits the bill she describes as damaging, I don’t find the filming and viewing of sex acts as objectively offensive. In other words, I think that porn is not inherently problematic, but its content often includes problematic ideas and attitudes. I also believe when viewed as entertainment, porn can be a positive element in the repertoire of adult sexuality, Keep reading »