I think we can all agree that when you’re ass-deep in online dating process, the one and only thing that would make you feel better about this digging-through-profiles farce that has become your love life would be to meet an actual, human person you’re attracted to IN REAL LIFE. I’m not saying you should delete your profile — just that it might be nice to throw real-life dating prospect into the mix every now and then. Chicken soup for the single soul. So, where does the man who goes by the handle Tacos4Two go when he’s not “surfing in South America” or “curling up with his iPad”? Where might you find NetflixLdy when she’s not “watching live-streaming wildlife documentaries”? I mean, she must leave the house every now and again. Keep reading »
Say you’re in a new relationship, and things are going well. There are dinners, there is coffee in bed when you want it, there is sparkling conversation and wit and banter, there are all-consuming exchanges of emotion that leave you revitalized and ready to seize the rest of your lives together. You’ve reached a state of happiness that leaves other relationships in the dark. Finally! A thing that works for me, the way I want it, the way I need it. What have I done to deserve this giant treasure from the universe?
Then, the change comes, like it does in all new relationships. Sun-soaked afternoons in bed are slowly replaced by tense mornings in which every conversation is a power struggle. What was once light and sunshine and butterfly kisses is now a relationship fraught with calculated moves to gain the upper hand. What happened here? How did something that seemed so easy become so complicated? Keep reading »
Here’s what’s easy:
Sitting in your apartment, doing things that you like to do, justifying this behavior by saying that because it is what you want to do, it is absolutely correct. Rejecting new experiences because they could fail, because you could embarrass yourself or fall on your face or loose a tooth or a shred of dignity. Staying in a rut because it’s comfortable, it feels right, and it’s easier than putting on that pair of pants or wearing those new shoes or doing anything other than the path you picked out for yourself as the only way for you.
Dating is not fun. It’s not easy. If someone came up to me and told me in earnest that scrolling thru the depths of OKCupid is a fulfilling and mentally engaging activity, I’d gather my things and back away slowly. It feels like work because it is work. Scrolling through matches taps into the muscle memory of the aimless looking for shoes on Zappos or searching your work email for that thing you got last week that you just can’t find. Scroll, scroll, scroll. Click? Scroll. Repeat ad nauseam until you find something that you think might work, with some jiggering, a little tailoring, a tiny nip and tuck. Add to your cart, finish your wine, close your laptop, go to sleep. Keep reading »
It’s Halloween and everyone is gearing up with their spookiest stories. Maybe you’ve never experienced a bonafide haunting, but there might be a ghost in your midst and it could be wreaking more havoc than you’d imagine. We’re talking about the deep, dark issues that haunt your relationship — the kind that pop up and scare the crap out of you and your partner on an otherwise uneventful Tuesday evening. From unresolved crap with mom and dad to the emotional affair that’s been eating away at you, no relationship is safe. Happy couples know that the only way to deal with these phantoms, is not to hide in fear, but rather, shine a light on them. Unfortunately, there are no proton packs that will turn your issues into green slime — if only it were that easy! — but here are a few tips for scaring your relationship ghosts out of the dark corners where they lurk. Keep reading »
Online dating is not for the faint of heart. That much I can tell you from personal experience. From the guy who called his own mother a “slut” to the guy who picked a fight with me on our second date, it truly was a wild ride and I’m glad not to be kissing any more Mr. Toads. You need anecdotal horror stories about online dating, I’m your girl.
But what about the data-driven side of finding wuv online?
Well, the Pew Research Center released a new report today on public attitudes towards online dating and relationships. It asked almost 2,252 ages 18 and up their opinions on Internet romance, comparing many of their questions with the results of past studies. The good news is that online dating is getting increasingly more accepted by society? The bad news? It’s still dating. Blech.
Here are some of the surprising new findings from Pew’s study, presented in GIFs! Keep reading »
Couples and singles often view each other with a mix of confusion, suspicion, and, sometimes, straight-up hostility. We all know, deep down, that someone’s relationship status doesn’t define them or instantly turn them into a cliche, but that sure doesn’t stop most of us from making some ridiculous generalizations — even if we’ve personally been on both sides of the coin. Are your married friends sublimely happy all the time just because they’re married? No way! Is your single friend really free to dog sit for you anytime because she has no life? Nope. We wanted to debunk some of these ridiculous misconceptions as a reminder that we’re all on the same team. Here are some of the most common misguided assumptions single people make about couples (and vice versa). Read on to see what assumptions you might be making… Keep reading »
No boyfriend is perfect. But when you’ve taken one into your heart, you’ve made a silent vow to accept each other as you are, imperfections, foibles and all. You’ve asked him a quadrillion times to stop leaving his wet towel on the carpet, yet, faithfully, it ends up there after every shower. And each day, you pick it up and hang it on the hook behind the bathroom door because, you know that he will make you scrambled eggs with cheese, just the way you like them, without being asked. This is love. What redeems him for the mildew stain he’s left behind in your bedroom? The little things he remembers that make your heart cartwheel with joy. Remembering things like your anniversary are a given, but other personal details — like the anniversary of your gram’s passing — can mean so much more. Here are a few: Keep reading »
There comes a time in every new thing when it feels necessary to define what’s going on between the two of you. You need to have “the talk.” Say things have been going well, feelings are mutual and developing rapidly. You know that you should talk about this, but the time never seems quite right! Maybe you don’t even have to talk about it, because clearly you two are on the same page. You are linked by pure love and mutual understanding and shimmering light between your heart chakras and one day, you’ll just wake up and know deep down this is your lobster. Who needs to talk when it all feels so right? Keep reading »
I remember a long while back I was dating this guy who, shall we say, had a lot of problems. He was at least 50 pounds overweight (and it bothered him, not me), didn’t make enough money to pay his rent (or afford a real bed), complained endlessly about how I was the only person in the world who didn’t think he was funny (I’m sorry, I don’t get off on corny, knock-knock jokes) and seemed to have some weird issues with his mother. Don’t ask. I didn’t. He was like Eeyore 24/7 and even though I liked him, I didn’t like him that much.
When I was in the thick of it with Eeyore, I went to a friend seeking counsel about what I could possibly do to help this guy with all of his problems. What she said to me was revolutionary: “It’s not your problem.” She was right. It wasn’t. This bit of truth helped me realize that I was like a mule carrying this guy’s crap up a steep mountain. Was really I free to unload helping him with his resume, lending him $10 bucks so he could buy a six-pack, comforting him while he bemoaned his “floppy love handles” and listening to his stupid jokes? Yes, I was. Keep reading »