Couples and singles often view each other with a mix of confusion, suspicion, and, sometimes, straight-up hostility. We all know, deep down, that someone’s relationship status doesn’t define them or instantly turn them into a cliche, but that sure doesn’t stop most of us from making some ridiculous generalizations — even if we’ve personally been on both sides of the coin. Are your married friends sublimely happy all the time just because they’re married? No way! Is your single friend really free to dog sit for you anytime because she has no life? Nope. We wanted to debunk some of these ridiculous misconceptions as a reminder that we’re all on the same team. Here are some of the most common misguided assumptions single people make about couples (and vice versa). Read on to see what assumptions you might be making… Keep reading »
No boyfriend is perfect. But when you’ve taken one into your heart, you’ve made a silent vow to accept each other as you are, imperfections, foibles and all. You’ve asked him a quadrillion times to stop leaving his wet towel on the carpet, yet, faithfully, it ends up there after every shower. And each day, you pick it up and hang it on the hook behind the bathroom door because, you know that he will make you scrambled eggs with cheese, just the way you like them, without being asked. This is love. What redeems him for the mildew stain he’s left behind in your bedroom? The little things he remembers that make your heart cartwheel with joy. Remembering things like your anniversary are a given, but other personal details — like the anniversary of your gram’s passing — can mean so much more. Here are a few: Keep reading »
There comes a time in every new thing when it feels necessary to define what’s going on between the two of you. You need to have “the talk.” Say things have been going well, feelings are mutual and developing rapidly. You know that you should talk about this, but the time never seems quite right! Maybe you don’t even have to talk about it, because clearly you two are on the same page. You are linked by pure love and mutual understanding and shimmering light between your heart chakras and one day, you’ll just wake up and know deep down this is your lobster. Who needs to talk when it all feels so right? Keep reading »
I remember a long while back I was dating this guy who, shall we say, had a lot of problems. He was at least 50 pounds overweight (and it bothered him, not me), didn’t make enough money to pay his rent (or afford a real bed), complained endlessly about how I was the only person in the world who didn’t think he was funny (I’m sorry, I don’t get off on corny, knock-knock jokes) and seemed to have some weird issues with his mother. Don’t ask. I didn’t. He was like Eeyore 24/7 and even though I liked him, I didn’t like him that much.
When I was in the thick of it with Eeyore, I went to a friend seeking counsel about what I could possibly do to help this guy with all of his problems. What she said to me was revolutionary: “It’s not your problem.” She was right. It wasn’t. This bit of truth helped me realize that I was like a mule carrying this guy’s crap up a steep mountain. Was really I free to unload helping him with his resume, lending him $10 bucks so he could buy a six-pack, comforting him while he bemoaned his “floppy love handles” and listening to his stupid jokes? Yes, I was. Keep reading »
This past week, I got a bunch of messages on OKCupid. Some of the guys I’d never consider because I tend to avoid men who tell me they prefer to “stay home on most Friday nights and read poetry with a good glass of single malt.” Others seemed too old for me… and that’s not even including the scotch sippers. Out of the eight messages I received, there were two contenders that seemed datable.
Both were seemingly nice guys — attractive with ambition and wit. Hot Doctor is just finishing up med school and has a smile that would charm the knickers off grandma. The other guy, whom I’ve dubbed Sensitive Frat Bro, is a sweet entrepreneur who could just as easily be wearing a toga and chugging a beer on a Phi Kappa Tau recruitment poster. Eligible bachelors on free dating websites (and in life) are pretty hard to come by, so I decided to message them back. After talking to both of my suitors (one on Gchat and the other on OKCupid instant messenger) for several days in a row about things like family, hobbies, and careers, they both brought up the topic of sex. Keep reading »
I was less than enthused about the last person I dated, but could not put my finger on why. He was nice, smart, attractive, and I had enough fun with him, but something wasn’t right. At first, I chalked my indifference up to a personal tendency towards being overly critical. I had shoved off the detritus of my last long-term relationship, and was feeling open to new things and experiences. Dating him felt like something I should be doing — or at least trying — so I did. My enthusiasm never peaked though. It merely flatlined at a “I guess this is good enough” level for six months. It was only after we broke up that I was able to identify what was really going on: I was in a panic relationship.
Keep reading »
Last week I sat in a Verizon store with 50 million other people on iPhone Launch Day. Unlike everyone else, I was not looking for a fabulous upgrade. I was waiting in line to do something I had committed to do — two weeks ago. It was time for a relationship reality check.
My husband had asked me to replace his decrepit, old phone because the account is in my name. I told him I would, but never got around to it. On iPhone Launch Day, in the middle of the afternoon, his phone literally broke in half. And, I confronted a simple truth: sometimes “I love you” isn’t enough. For healthy relationships, the magic words need to combine with practical action. Read more at Your Tango…
Some dating rules are worth following, and some are just common sense. But others are pure nonsense, and worth ditching. Which rules should you keep and which should you toss out the window? Read more at Your Tango…
Everything I’m about to write must be prefaced by one caveat: falling in love is out of your control. That includes when it will happen, where it will happen and who it will happen with. Although some relationship experts or self-help books would like you to believe otherwise, that’s the honest truth. You cannot control love. I’ll give you a few minutes — or a few decades– to let that sink in. When I was single that was the hardest part for me to accept. I’m a do-er. So not being able to do anything about this life event that felt very important made me feel utterly useless. Which in turn, made me feel depressed.
To put the whole “falling in love” thing in perspective, I think it only happens truly, madly, deeply once or twice in a lifetime if you’re lucky. Some people are of the belief that there is not a lid for every pot. I’m more of the belief that some of us choose to be alone. And there’s not a thing wrong with that either. So, what do you have control over in all of this? You. I’ll repeat it, there is nothing you can do to make love happen. But there are certain ways of being that are more conducive to falling in love, if that’s what you choose. Here are a few easier-said-than-done things you can do to prepare for the romance you hope to have someday: Keep reading »
This week on Date-Ade – a stream of consciousness advice series for stressed daters — Sophia wants to know how to handle a man who warns her not to fall in love with him.
If you have a sex, dating or relationship dilemma that you’d like for me to try to illuminate (no promises), send your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org.