Let’s talk for a minute about the “friendzone.”
Don’t worry, fellas, this isn’t a lecture. It’s an advice column, because there is something you deserve to know: There is a very simple, nigh-foolproof way to avoid ending up in the situation that that exceptionally loaded word describes.
And I will tell you what it is. Keep reading »
Daters of the Friskyverse, I have been tossing around the idea of writing about dating resolutions for the New Year. And then I thought, Nah. Last year, my resolution was to make the first move. I did. We dated for a while and then broke up. We’re still friends. Resolution accomplished. Good for me. I’m sure you’re planning to make some dating resolutions of your own, aren’t you? Or maybe you’re not. Maybe you’re bitter about dating right now. I wouldn’t blame you if you were. It’s fucking hard.
I decided to go in a different direction this week. I wanted to take a moment to say thank you to all of you who’ve read this column in the past year. I want you to know that it means a lot to me. It’s really difficult to write about your dating life in a public forum — especially when you’re trying to muddle through it yourself. I get so wrapped up in all of the emotions and trying to process them and getting over my insecurities enough to write about them that sometimes I forget anyone reads this column. (Or, at least, it’s easier to tell myself that no one reads so I don’t freak out every week.) Keep reading »
There was a recent article in The Atlantic about Paris Syndrome, a real psychological disorder that occurs when tourists realize that the City of Light isn’t as grandiose as they expected it to be. According to the piece, the syndrome has afflicted at least 20 victims this year, most of them Japanese tourists. One even had to be flown back home under medical supervision.
Paris Syndrome manifests itself differently in different people, but amongst the most common symptoms are acute delusions, hallucinations, dizziness, sweating, and feelings of persecution. The shock of coming to grips with a city that is indifferent to their presence and looks nothing like their imagination launches tourists into a psychological tailspin.
FASCINATING. I was just in Paris (for the second time) and was nothing short of completely wooed by the city. It exceeded all of my expectations. However, the description of the disorder sounded eerily familiar to me. Why? Oh, because that’s how I feel when I date. Keep reading »
In case you missed it, the guy and I split right after Thanksgiving. That means that the weeks leading up to my birthday and Christmas have been kind of lame. Actually, that’s not true. They weren’t half bad, just kind of meh emotionally. You could say I haven’t been brimming over with holiday spirit.
But still, I’ve been doing lots of yoga, reading depressing fiction, shopping impulsively for tights, watching cooking shows and spending time with friends. I went to a fancy spa and got a massage for my 34th birthday. And then I consumed massive amounts of Blue Point oysters and champy with my best friend. It was solid way to celebrate my birthday/ the world not ending. Everything was fine until someone close to me said: “You shouldn’t wait, you should just get back on OK Cupid right away.” Keep reading »
Women most desire the manners and appearance of men from the 1950s, according to a new survey by the men’s skincare brand, Scaramouche & Fandango. (Yes, that’s their real name.) The survey found that more than half of women thought men cleaned up better in the 1950s and more than two-thirds of these poor, beleaguered women said they preferred old-fashioned chivalry. Four-fifths of the women surveyed said they wish their man had a better grooming routine … and half of the men admitted they didn’t groom at all.
So, to translate, a company that sells men’s grooming products wants men to know that women are more attracted to men who take more care with their grooming than the full Zach Galifianakis look. No big news there. Get rid of your nasty beards, hipsters!
However, I do think there is something to be said about our idealization of the 1950s era and what it means about jerks today. Keep reading »
Every dealbreaker that any boyfriend I’ve ever had has shown itself by interacting with his family. The guy whose father had been cheating for years? Yeah, he cheated on me. The guy who seemed paranoid that I’d dislike his kids? He was super insecure. In retrospect, I should have heeded these warnings more. My therapist will give me three gold stars for saying this and it’s true: we all have been molded by our experiences with our families, for good or for ill. And that’s why most of us are crazy.
After the jump, six booby traps to look out for if you spend the holidays with his family: Keep reading »
We get it. Guys are tough to figure out: There’s like 24 possible combinations that you can make with 1) beer 2) food 3) sex and 4) sports. No wonder their girlfriends have to resort to lady magazines to gain insight into the buzzing hive that is the male mind. We know most women laugh that stuff off as cheap entertainment not to be taken seriously, but what if they actually did listen to all of the advice?
It’d pretty much turn into a nightmare of paranoia and petty revenge. After all, according to various Cosmo articles…
#7: He Shares the Details of His Day, Therefore He Must Be Hiding Something
Men just aren’t as communicative as women, especially when they’re stressed. So, let’s say a guy makes a conscious decision to share more. That’s solid advice, no matter the source. When she asks him about his day, instead of just saying, “fine,” he can tell her in detail about his argument with Sarah, the lady from HR. Read more…
After every breakup, I spend time — copious amounts of time, too much goddamn time – pouring over every detail, trying to figure out what I did wrong this time. I call this “taking personal responsibility.” My best friend calls it “spiraling.” Leaving yoga class this weekend, my voice trembling and defeated, I declared about my recent breakup: “It’s my fault. I pick the wrong men.”
This is when my best friend started laughing at me. Hysterically. “You’re spiraling,” she said. “I’m only going to say this once: You did nothing wrong. He wasn’t right for you, and you both acknowledged that as soon as you knew it. You did everything right. So, I refuse to listen to you if you’re going to blame yourself. You need to stop.”
She was right. I was being ridiculous. It’s no wonder my first instinct is to blame myself. The culture of single blaming and shaming is pervasive. I think the world tends to forget: being coupled is not an achievement. Not being coupled is not a failure. Being in a relationship, getting married, shacking up, call it whatever you want, is a life choice, born of opportunity. It’s two people being in the right place at the right time and wanting the same things. It’s an opportunity that’s seized. While a solid relationship can make you grow as a person, the mere fact that you’re coupled does not make you a better person.
Earlier that morning, a married friend of mine sent me a link to Tracy McMillian’s articles Why You’re Not Married and the charming follow up Why You’re Still Not Married. “Have you seen these? What do you think?” she asked. “They seem offensive.” Keep reading »
I’ve always been a little afraid of “Millionaire Matchmaker” Patti Stanger — not because I think she’ll yell at me and tell me I am doing everything wrong in my relationships (I am. That’s fair), but I am afraid that if I actually took her advice I could possibly live happily ever after (which my therapist and I agree is scarier than falling off the fiscal cliff).
Stanger, who has hosted six seasons of her dating reality show on Bravo is a little frightening in person. She talks incredibly fast. She is also brash and references her lady bits using hand gestures.
She also appears to be aging backwards, which should be scary, but is actually just intriguing. We chatted a little bit to try to unlock the mysteries of dating, love and appearing to be in your twenties forever. Keep reading »
Just in time to shit on holiday hookup season, The Sun has a feature about the young, hot and hip, dressed in their Christmas best, who have a “dark secret.” “Although they look fresh and fabulous, each one of them [has had] a sexually transmitted infection,” the piece warns.
Womp womp. Just in case you were considering using the holiday season as an excuse to have a quick and dirty hookup, FORGET IT. As if the festivity of the Yuletide could make one forget that there were 427,000 new STI diagnosis in the UK last year. Not a chance, but thank you kindly for the reminder.
As long as you are an adult, which I’m presuming you are, you don’t need a reminder to use protection year-round. (Do you?) STIs are the least of your worries when it comes to hooking up this holiday season. After the jump, the actual reasons you might want to abstain from getting frisky at your next holiday party. Keep reading »