I am the only person in my friend group not in a relationship, a swinging single floating in the midst of the happily coupled. Nights out are often curtailed early. Someone’s boyfriend is tired, someone else’s boyfriend has the stomach flu. One couple stayed out too late and now has to go home to rest their eyes and watch DVR’ed episodes of “Orphan Black,” together, natch.
Hanging out with couples used to make me uncomfortable. I never knew what to do when their tiny domestic disputes were laid bare in front of me at the bar. One of the most uncomfortable brunches I have ever encountered was before Christmas, with my best friend and his boyfriend. I pushed a pile of Eggs Benedict around my plate as they exchanged carefully shrouded barbs about present exchanges and quality time before the holidays. I left them standing quietly on the street in front of the restaurant, speaking in hushed tones about what to do next. Keep reading »
Well, Mark Zuckerberg, you’ve finally made it: Cosmopolitan has written an article on the pros and cons — sorry, make that bros and cons — of dating a “start-up techie.” You may not have had much success with girls at Harvard, but according to Cosmo, your type is now “trending” as “Hollywood It Girls are snatching up web entrepreneur like they’re the latest iPhone upgrade.” That’s almost as monumental your whole being-worth-$27.8 billion thing!
I don’t usually have much to relate to in Cosmo articles (just can’t get that damn squirter thing to squirt) but this topic is actually something I know a thing or two about. You see, I’ve actually dated two different guys who launched their own start-ups — Ex-Mr. Jessica was one of them and the other sold his startup and is now some muckety-muck at Facebook. I’ve a fair amount of time around startup guys (they are for the most part dudes, although not always), and yeah, despite Jezebel’s snarking, Cosmo is on to something … particularly how a lady will always be number two in a tech dude’s life because “his devotion to his startup rivals Adam Levine’s love for Victoria’s Secret models” and “he’s always working.” Keep reading »
Nick and I were at a dinner party recently, and one of the couples there had the most annoying habit: whenever one of them was telling a story, the other would correct them constantly. And these weren’t major, necessary corrections like “no, silly, his death sentence was exonerated!”, they were trivial corrections about tiny, insignificant details, like the color of a car their mutual friend was driving, or if something happened in April instead of May. It was so bad that by the end of the night I wanted to scream, “Just let them tell the damn story!” This experience got me thinking about bad couple habits — the annoying habits that often manifest themselves when people get in relationships. What are they, and how do you fix them? Read on to find out! Keep reading »
We live in a culture that values coupledom and biological families over anything else. This is especially true for women, who are seen as more relationship-oriented than men. We hold romantic relationships up as the ultimate end goal, the prize, the be-all and end-all. We tend to believe this regardless of whether a particular pairing is healthy or toxic, discounting the possibility that someone might actually be contented and fulfilled while single.
Being single and being in a relationship both have their pros and cons. I was chatting about this recently with a friend who recently lost her mom. She’s single and she said she felt particularly lonely grieving her mom’s death by herself. She wasn’t completely alone, of course; her friends and family were there for her. But she said she had wished she had a partner to lean on during the worst of her grief.
I just listened quietly when I heard this. I wanted to speak up, but I wasn’t sure it was the right time to say what I wanted to say. Personally, I believe that the good things in life — support, respect, happiness, joy — depend a lot more on having close friends and family, not the absence or presence of a partner. A partner is just one person; friends and family are a whole community.
My relationship is without a doubt the most supportive one I’ve ever had. I don’t keep anything from him, because I’m not afraid anything will scare him away. I feel loved and safe with him. But he’s just one person. He’s just human. I’m still a person who is vulnerable and imperfect. And a relationship is not bubble wrap. Keep reading »
The long cold winter of our discontent has finally started to ease its grip on most of the country. If you live on the East Coast, you’ve most likely been buried in a never-ending pile of snow and frigid weather, seemingly doomed to spend the rest of your life mouldering in your abode, turning as pale and sour as spoiled milk. The past couple of weeks have seen the resurgence of something beautiful — warm weather! Flowers are blooming, the trees are heavy with blossoms, and when you leave work, it’s still light out and the air smells like the promise of short shorts, the beach and exposing your toes — and your winter-hardened heart — to the light. And what’s that in the distance? Ahh yes, a spring fling is on the horizon. Keep reading »
When you come from a small town, or from the peaceful, leafy suburbs of Bumblefuck, Western Australia (like I did), dating in any big, cosmopolitan city can be a strange and troubling experience. It can also be a lot of fun. Here are my six rules for getting the most out of dating in in the city and staying sane and positive while you’re at it. Keep reading »