After publishing last week’s Dating Don’ts about how not to get dumped, I was relieved to discover that I’m not the only person out there with PTDD (Post Traumatic Dating Disorder). I’ve been working on putting the kibosh on my irrational self-script and reclaiming some fucking inner peace. So far, it’s been ridiculously difficult. If I’m being honest, I’ve gotten a bit worse. Sorry Dr. Rob, but I’m nowhere near accepting that there is no such thing as a guarantee in relationships or life in general. But maybe it’s one of those one step forward two steps back type of situations. I shall keep meditating on it. But until I wake up enlightened, I’ve decided to try replacing any of my negative dating thoughts with a host of more positive ones. Here is my collection of mantras for when my Crazy Dater takes over. I use that term with love, of course. God, I hope these help us…
I believe I’ve made it clear how I feel about relationship advice. Mostly, I find it utterly unhelpful. I think that relationships are so complicated and personal, that advice is not one person fits all. I especially hate gimmicky, quick-fix relationship advice that’s like “The Magic Thing That Will Get You Married In 364 Days!” WORST! The only brand of dating advice I can stomach is the kind that’s empowering. And when I stumble upon it, I share it with you.
Last week, I had coffee with a good friend. We both started dating new guys we met online on the exact same day. (Weird, right?) That was a few months ago, and both relationships are still on and popping. During our coffee session, one of the things we talked about was how we both were having persistent, irrational anxiety about our relationships suddenly ending. Our shades of anxiety were a bit different. Mine has been taking the form of a recurring fear of being dumped out-of-the-blue. Keep reading »
I was just talking to a friend about her new, amazing, best-sex-ever relationship. She said her first date with her now girlfriend was awful. They had nothing to talk about and it was awkward as hell.
“Why did you go out again?” I asked.
“We had already planned a second date before the first. It was a fluke,” she explained.
Now my friend is having the best sex of her life, something she wouldn’t have had if she hadn’t given this woman a second chance.
When I first moved to New York City, I dated pretty heavily. Wait. Heavily is the wrong word — that implies getting in deep, right? I dated many different guys. But I only went out with one of them more than once.
How is that even possible? Looking back, I see that since I only went out with them once, they were fundamentally the same exact guy — First Date Guy. Keep reading »
I’ve only been off the market for two months and already, the dating world is like a bad, distant memory I want to put in a shoe box and hide under my bed.
I have to ask myself, Am I being melodramatic? Was it really that bad? When I distill it down, there was really one thing that made dating unbearable: other people’s advice.
Because dating can be overwhelming, confusing and wrought with powerful emotions, our instinct is often to seek counsel outside of ourselves. But trying to apply other people’s advice, even advice given by professionals, to our dating lives, which are extremely personal, is like walking around in a pair of shoes that don’t fit. You’re going to get blisters. The best thing anyone could have told me to do was figure out what was best for me and do that. If only I had been following my own gut, I might have had a better time dating.
Below are some of the most unhelpful pieces of dating advice I’ve ever received … Keep reading »
Two years ago, I met a gentleman I shall henceforth call James, because his name was, well, James. James and I had a first date for the books. It lasted a full 10 hours (we’d met up for coffee at 3 p.m. on a Saturday), and we discussed everything from the rudeness inherent to chronic lateness to how we both hate the book Confederacy of Dunces. We discussed how embarrassed we both are by this latter fact.
I knew about James like you know a good dye job. Here’s the one for me, I thought. The man I’ve been looking for years. I just KNOW.
There was one little problem, however, and that was that James already had a wife. Keep reading »
I’ve finally gotten around to reading Mindy Kaling’s book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? One of the things that struck me the most is her chapter about the difference between men and boys. She reveals that until she was in her 30s, she only dated boys because men scared the shit out of her:
“Boys are wonderful in a lot of ways. They make amazing, memorable homemade gifts. They’re impulsive. Boys can talk for hours with you in a diner at three in the morning because they don’t have regular work hours. But they suck to date when you turn 30 …Men know what they want and they and they don’t let you in on their inner monologue, and that is scary.”
Keep reading »