Tag Archives: dating tip

4 Reasons Why “It Will Be Different With Me” Syndrome Is Dangerous

John And Katy?
Katy Perry and John Mayer
John Mayer has slithered on to Katy Perry. Read More »
The Other Woman
Thoughts on having been the other woman. Read More »

Remember that hot guy in high school who dated every girl in his class, despite treating every one of them like crap?  Why was this possible? Because women suffer from It Will Be Different With Me Syndrome. Sadly, it’s usually never different.  Men aren’t rocket science. In fact, they are like The Weather Channel.  You can predict fairly accurately what weather lay ahead, based on their past behavior.

The type of men that lie, cheat, or are guilty of general douchebaggery come with a track record. Other women warn you to stay away, his friends tell you about his sordid past, and yet, you’ll convince yourself that you and you alone are up to the challenge of taming him.

There are times when our hopes and beliefs contradict all available evidence and can actually hurt us. Simply wanting someone to be an awesome guy doesn’t make him an awesome guy.  Just ask Katy Perry. Despite all evidence that John Mayer is one of Hollywood’s biggest love-em-and-leave-em type of guys, she’s convinced herself he’ll be different with her.  I hope she likes her love life discussed intimately on Twitter, or on the pages of Playboy, because that’s what she has to look forward to. It won’t be different with Katy. Just ask Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston, Taylor Swift, or Minka Kelly. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: Be Switzerland

Dating Don'ts: Bad Ending
You shouldn't do these things if the relationship ended badly. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Kisses
Women fear these types of first kisses. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Money
These bad money habits are bad news. Read More »

My relationship has hit a roadblock. This roadblock may be like a piece of highway shrapnel that we need to swerve around or it might be more like the Berlin Wall, which would take radical change to make fall. I don’t know yet. If it’s the latter, I’d better take up graffiti art. And I call West Berlin, obvs.

I don’t want to go into detail about the impasse my guy and I are at because it’s über-complicated (isn’t it always?) and because I’m a private person sometimes (despite being a blogger). And because I’m taking a radical approach to conflict resolution.

Last week I was out with one of my best friends. He’s been with his husband for 15 years now, so he knows a lot about this “making relationships last” stuff. I told him about the issues we were dealing with and expressed being torn over the future — not knowing whether to have hope and fight or stop trying altogether.  He responded with the most genius bit of advice ever (and you know how much I dislike relationship advice): “Just be Switzerland,” he told me. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: 10 Things You’re Not Allowed To Do If Things Ended Badly

Dating Don'ts: Overreacting
You are probably overreacting to these things. Read More »
Dating Don'ts:Dumped
The only piece of advice you need to avoid getting dumped. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: 2nd Date
Don't turn down that second date! Read More »

Last week, I got an email from someone who said he was referred to me by W*, a guy I went on a few dates with a couple of years ago. Backstory on W: on either our third or fourth date (I can’t remember), he invited me to his place to cook dinner for me. Not going to go into too much detail, but W was a shitbird from the moment I took off my coat. At one point, we got into a heated debate about our literary tastes and he threw a book of poetry at me (not violently, but still!) and told me to read something worth my while. I told him to go fuck himself (in more flowery language), put my coat back on and hightailed it out of there. The next day he sent me an email and admitted to being “stressed about something else” and “not at his best.” I replied with a “fair enough” and we never spoke again. In my mind, we were not on good terms. We were on “let’s never talk again” terms. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: 10 Things You’re Probably Overreacting About

Dating Don'ts:Dumped
The only piece of advice you need to avoid getting dumped. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: 2nd Date
Don't turn down that second date! Read More »

In the early stages of dating, decoding and deciphering signals can be the hardest part. What’s his normal behavior? What’s his I really like you behavior? What’s his I’m about to ghost you behavior? It’s all a bit murky when you’re not familiar with a person’s normal modus operandi. And it creates a perfect storm (no intentional reference to Frankenstorm, which is raging right now) for daters who love to overanalyze everything. I would know nothing about that.

Disclaimer before I go any further here: if the person you’re dating does something that doesn’t sit well with you on a gut level, don’t ignore that. For example, one time I was dating this guy who yelled at me and told I was embarrassing him when I gave him a kiss in front of his friends. A peck on the lips, no tongue, mind you. I was like, “Well, I understand that we all have different levels of comfort with PDA, but BYE.” That was a no-brainer. It wasn’t going to work. Keep reading »

8 Meditations For Crazy Daters

After publishing last week’s Dating Don’ts about how not to get dumped, I was relieved to discover that I’m not the only person out there with PTDD (Post Traumatic Dating Disorder). I’ve been working on  putting the kibosh on my irrational self-script and reclaiming some fucking inner peace. So far, it’s been ridiculously difficult. If I’m being honest, I’ve gotten a bit worse. Sorry Dr. Rob, but I’m nowhere near accepting that there is no such thing as a guarantee in relationships or life in general. But maybe it’s one of those one step forward two steps back type of situations. I shall keep meditating on it. But until I wake up enlightened, I’ve decided to try replacing any of my negative dating thoughts with a host of more positive ones. Here is my collection of mantras for when my Crazy Dater takes over. I use that term with love, of course. God, I hope these help us…

Dating Don'ts:Dumped
The only piece of advice you need to avoid getting dumped. Read More »
Ambivalent Single Lobster
Who says lobsters mate for life? This one is ambivalently single. Read More »
Relationship Advice
This is the relationship advice Julie would give you if she were your friend. Read More »

Dating Don’ts: How Not To Get Dumped

Dating Don'ts: Bad Advice
The most unhelpful dating advice Ami ever received. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: 2nd Date
Don't turn down that second date! Read More »
Dating Don'ts: He's Back!
Why you should be wary when you hear from him unexpectedly. Read More »

I believe I’ve made it clear how I feel about relationship advice. Mostly, I find it utterly unhelpful. I think that relationships are so complicated and personal, that advice is not one person fits all. I especially hate gimmicky, quick-fix relationship advice that’s like “The Magic Thing That Will Get You Married In 364 Days!” WORST! The only brand of dating advice I can stomach is the kind that’s empowering. And when I stumble upon it, I share it with you.

Last week, I had coffee with a good friend. We both started dating new guys we met online on the exact same day. (Weird, right?) That was a few months ago, and both relationships are still on and popping. During our coffee session, one of the things we talked about was how we both were having persistent, irrational anxiety about our relationships suddenly ending. Our shades of anxiety were a bit different. Mine has been taking the form of a recurring fear of being dumped out-of-the-blue. Keep reading »

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