Two of my most major dating anxieties are A) having nothing to talk about and B) the first kiss. I fear having nothing to talk about, not because I don’t have anything to talk about, but if I’m sitting across from an uncommunicative human for an hour, I will feel compelled to fill up every second of that hour with words. And for those of you who similarly fear awkward silences, you know how much energy it takes to fill an entire hour with words. It’s soul sucking.
That was a tangent. I’m really here to talk about first kiss anxiety, which is way, way more serious. I think there are two schools of thought on first kisses: Those who think a bad first kiss indicates incompatibility and those who believe that kissing is not all-important. If you’re a member of Team Kissing Is Not All-Important, it’s all-important for me to be up front and tell you that we don’t have anything to talk about. A bad first kiss is enough to put me off the person … forever. So, when I’m on a date, and we do have stuff to talk about, I am then free to live in fearful anticipation of that first lip lock. I understand that everyone has different kissing styles and preferences, and there is a spectrum of what may be considered enjoyable, but I’ve consulted with other women, and they agree with me, there are certain kinds of kisses that are universally unwelcome. After the jump, some kinds of first kisses that will render romance DOA. Don’t be an offender. Keep reading »
In the 2007 remake of “3:10 to Yuma,” Christian Bale’s character loses his leg while fighting in the Civil War. As compensation, the government gives him a sum of money, which he uses to attempt to forge a new life. After he fails miserably, he realizes that the government never actually cared about helping him. They just wanted to erase any obligation they had. He sums up his disillusionment more cynically than anything Batman ever came up with: The government didn’t give him the money so he could walk away. They gave him the money so they could walk away.
Recently, I discovered that the same idea applies to dating. Keep reading »
Taking your first vacation as a couple is a huge relationship milestone. Travel is stressful, no matter where you’re going or how many margaritas you’ve had. Will your relationship survive the journey or will it get left behind in paradise? Here are three ways to ensure your love will outlast your vacation:
1. Plan the trip together. It might be tempting to tell your boyfriend that he can plan the trip, but you’ll only end up disappointed when he reveals his plans include diving with sharks or visiting every sports museum in a 100 mile radius. Read more …
I have stumbled upon a dating conundrum that I cannot figure out on my own. I don’t need to consult an advice columnist, or my friends or therapist. I need to hear from the people of the world at large who have been through this and have practical pearls of wisdom to bestow upon me.
So here’s the dilemma: The other night I was out with some friends … wait let me back up. Here’s what you should know: This dinner bunch is a tight circle of friends. We work in the same field and our bond is not only personal, it’s professional. One of the members of this group is a guy that has been a close friend of mine for the last two years. I have always sensed some attraction on both of our ends at different times throughout our friendship, but neither of us have ever acted on it at all. Never in any overt way, at least. Over the past couple of years, we’ve become really, really close, sharing stuff about our families, dating lives, professional lives and personal lives. This guy probably knows more about me than most of my closest friends. Keep reading »
Think of the best first date you ever went on.
Got it? Okay, what did you do immediately afterwards?
If you’re like some women I’ve been out with, you called up your best friend and gushed all about the date. You even posted a not-so-subtle status update on Facebook. Something along the lines of, “Just had an AMAZING night!”
Now, here’s my next—and more important—question:
Before you gushed to your best friend, before you flaunted your euphoria all over Facebook, did you ever stop to consider how your date might have felt about that “amazing” night?
One scenario I encounter frequently on dating advice sites is the woman who goes on a fabulous first date, only to find herself confused when she never hears from that guy again. So, she’s left to wonder … What happened?
“The date went so well. We had so much fun and clicked so amazingly. He was hot and charming and intelligent. I was hot and charming and intelligent. He couldn’t take his eyes off me the whole night So… why didn’t he call again?!” Keep reading »
Ever sense that your special date is too focused on fun to settle down in a relationship? Does your date say and do everything right–except commit to a relationship?
“Everybody plays the fool, sometimes,” sings Aaron Neville in his hit song.
There’s a big difference between feeling like a fool in love and being played as a fool in a dating relationship.
In our tribe, we call these magnetically attractive and emotionally risky dates, “Pioneers”, since they’re always after greener trails.
Pioneers often are recently divorced or “free again” after a big break up, when they enter a phase of chasing pleasure in serial dating. Read more …
You, single woman out there in the dating world, be prepared. For you are going to get bombs dropped on you. The person you are dating has baggage and not all of it is adorable. Every person has unflattering moments in their dating past. Everyone has suffered hardships in their lives. You may find yourself in a situation where you are hit with a revelation you weren’t ready for. Whether it comes up naturally in conversation, you ask the wrong question, or it slips out of his mouth after the second glass of wine, at some point, your date is going to tell you something about himself that may catch you off guard. Ideally, you won’t find out that he broke off an engagement a few months before the wedding until your fourth or fifth date, but you made a joke about getting married on date two, and WHOOMP, there it is. How you react to the baggage bomb is EVERYTHING. Don’t run for cover. Don’t write him off. This is an opportunity to build trust with this person and get to know him better. After the jump, some tips for surviving baggage bombs. Keep reading »
Ladies! Hello! I know I’m three and half months early for Halloween, but that doesn’t matter. Why not grab the bull by the horns, and start talking scare tactics? Scare tactics for your boyfriend, that is. Now, as to why you’d want to scare your boyfriend, where even to begin? He misbehaved? He was rude? He scared you? You’re bored and need something to do? You have your reasons. I’ll warn you beforehand, what I’ve done here is a bit of research among friends, women I know, and have known, and who will, of course, remain anonymous. I’ve asked what things they’ve done to scare their boyfriends, both intentionally and not. The lessons I’ve learned have been compiled and included below for your own edification. Happy scaring the piss out of your man! Keep reading »
One of the most effective ways to initiate communication and let a guy know you are interested is by flirting with him.Flirting demonstrates your confidence and lets the guy see your intriguing, feminine side. However, flirting can backfire or take you in an unintended direction if not done correctly. The following are seven flirting mistakes you should avoid:
1. Playing games. Playing mind games or playing “hard to get” are never good. It may work here and there, but guys with any level of self-respect will not keep chasing a girl who plays games. If you are interested in a guy, show him you are interested or he will move on.
2. Being disrespectful. Sarcasm and humor can be effective tools when flirting. Humor keeps the discussion relaxed and sarcasm can show him your fiesty side. However, you want to be careful not to be mean-spirited. You don’t want to offend him or embarrass him in front of other people. Teasing a guy about something he says or does is different than challenging his manhood. Read more …
Dating like a grownup is the quickest path to finally enjoying mutually nurturing relationships with men who are full of respect, adoration and commitment.
If you’re going to date like a grownup, developing empathy for men is crucial. Just like all your relationships, when you have the ability to step outside yourself and get into someone else’s head and heart (even just a little), your connections instantly improve.
Single men carry around old baggage and wounds just like we do. They’ve accumulated their fair share of dating and relationship bumps and bruises; in fact, they’ve probably had more. Think about it: they’ve been the ones responsible for putting themselves out there first since they were teenagers. Ouch. Talk about rejection. Read more …