Tag Archives: dating tip

Dating Don’ts: 7 Of The Most Unhelpful Pieces Of Dating Advice I Ever Received

Dating Don'ts: Canceling
Don't cancel plans this way. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Exclusivity
How not to approach exclusivity. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Morning
Don't screw everything up the morning after. Read More »

I’ve only been off the market for two months and already, the dating world is like a bad, distant memory I want to put in a shoe box and hide under my bed.

I have to ask myself, Am I being melodramatic? Was it really that bad? When I distill it down, there was really one thing that made dating unbearable: other people’s advice.

Because dating can be overwhelming, confusing and wrought with powerful emotions, our instinct is often to seek counsel outside of ourselves. But trying to apply other people’s advice, even advice given by professionals, to our dating lives, which are extremely personal, is like walking around in a pair of shoes that don’t fit. You’re going to get blisters. The best thing anyone could have told me to do was figure out what was best for me and do that. If only I had been following my own gut, I might have had a better time dating.

Below are some of the most unhelpful pieces of dating advice I’ve ever received … Keep reading »

The Pros And Cons Of Dating A Divorced Man

Happily Divorced
We shouldn't shame folks for realizing their marriage just won't work out. Read More »

Two years ago, I met a gentleman I shall henceforth call James, because his name was, well, James. James and I had a first date for the books. It lasted a full 10 hours (we’d met up for coffee at 3 p.m. on a Saturday), and we discussed everything from the rudeness inherent to chronic lateness to how we both hate the book Confederacy of Dunces. We discussed how embarrassed we both are by this latter fact.

I knew about James like you know a good dye job. Here’s the one for me, I thought. The man I’ve been looking for years. I just KNOW.

There was one little problem, however, and that was that James already had a wife.  Keep reading »

How To Tell The Difference Between A Man And A Boy

I’ve finally gotten around to reading Mindy Kaling’s book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? One of the things that struck me the most is her chapter about the difference between men and boys. She reveals that until she was in her 30s, she only dated boys because men scared the shit out of her:

“Boys are wonderful in a lot of ways. They make amazing, memorable homemade gifts. They’re impulsive. Boys can talk for hours with you in a diner at three in the morning because they don’t have regular work hours. But they suck to date when you turn 30 …Men know what they want and they and they don’t let you in on their inner monologue, and that is scary.”

Keep reading »

Dating Don'ts: Bad Partner
Here are some signs that he'll be a crappy partner. Read More »
Men Are Romantic
Five ways that men are also hopeless romantics. Read More »

Dating Don’ts: How Not To Cancel Plans

Dating Don'ts: Money
These bad money habits are bad news. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Love
There are certain times when "I love you" doesn't count. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Injury
If you're not fit to date, get off the playing field. Read More »

One time, a guy I had been dating for more than a month canceled our Saturday night date, calling an hour before we were supposed to meet, telling me that he was “itching all over.” I’m putting that phrase in quotes because that is exactly what he said. I couldn’t have made it up if I tried. I followed this up with the normal questions a person would ask:

Did you see the doctor?

Are you running a fever?

Are you having an allergic reaction to something? Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: 8 Money Habits You Shouldn’t Be Cool With

Dating Don'ts: Love
There are certain times when "I love you" doesn't count. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Injury
If you're not fit to date, get off the playing field. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Exclusivity
How not to approach exclusivity. Read More »

The Beatles had it right when they crooned “Money can’t buy me love.” For sure. It’s impossible to put a price tag on the important things in relationships. BUT … if  opening his wallet to buy you a drink throws your date into an existential crisis, there’s a problem.

Now that I’m and “adult” and living on my own, I’m forced to come to grips with what it takes to be financially responsible for myself. Meaning, I prioritize my car payment and rent over the many cute new outfits that I would like to buy. And to be honest, I’m finding that it isn’t such a difficult concept to grasp. So what is it, then, with the guys I end up dating? Every man I’ve been out with lately has a dysfunctional relationship with his wallet: cheapskates, millionaires, and the down-and-out and broke. It’s getting to be annoying. Keep reading »

The 3 Things Men Are Looking For In A Relationship

Women frequently ask me what guys are looking for in their relationships with the women in their lives. And although they may realize how uncomplicated guys are, they are still usually surprised by the simplicity of my answer. In general, men are looking for three things when they become involved romantically with a woman:

Sex, comfort and companionship.

And that’s pretty much it. And while there are certainly some men who have additional prerequisites on their relationship checklists, they are by far the minority, and don’t really merit much examination in a general discussion about men and their motivations. Read more …

7 Signs That You’re The One Who’s Emotionally Unavailable

After years of unsuccessful attempts at dating, you’ve finally isolated your problem: unavailable men. If only you could find a guy who wasn’t a total commitmentphobe, you’d be in the relationship you’ve always desired. So the solution then, is simple: stop dating unavailable men.

Or maybe it’s not that easy. Perhaps you’ve heard the theory tossed around that if you’re attracted to unavailable people, that’s a sign that you’re unavailable, too. But surely this can’t apply to you. After all, you want to be a relationship. You’re not the one who’s afraid of making more than one plan a week with your significant other or declaring your relationship status via Facebook—it’s the guys you date who can’t even commit to texting with consistency. Keep reading »

Unavailable Perks
There are perks to dating an unavailable man. Read More »
Bad Dating Habits
Us ladies are not immune to fouling up a date... Read More »

Dating Don’ts: 7 Times When “I Love You” Doesn’t Count

Dating Don'ts: Injury
If you're not fit to date, get off the playing field. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Exclusivity
How not to approach exclusivity. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Girlproof!
Girlproofing your apartment is very important. Read More »

The phrase “I love you” — despite endless debates about who should say it first and how often it should be said — only holds as much significance as the person saying it assigns to the phrase. Yes, say it if you feel like it and not because you expect to hear it in return. We’d never begrudge anyone the wonderfulness of falling in love and screaming it from the mountaintops. But because so much importance has been placed on such a little phrase, the extra pressure only increases our probability of fucking it up. We’ve all said “I love you” at the wrong times, for the wrong reasons and wished for a do-over. Oh, the potential that phrase has to make things so, so awkward, especially in a new relationship. Don’t beat yourself up. Accidental “I love yous” happen all the time. Don’t let three little words blurted out at an inopportune moment ruin the good thing you have going on. After the jump, seven instances when “I love you” doesn’t count … unless you want it to.
Keep reading »

Why You Can’t Find A Good Man

When I was single, the reason I couldn’t find a good man was my habit of “wishful hoping.” I am long past that now, but as a coach I find “wishful hoping” is probably one of the key factors that make finding your true love take so long.

“Wishful hoping” is very similar to being in a state of longing. You may understand it better if I share with you this definition of longing by Gay Hendricks:

“Longing is a persistent lingering feeling of wanting something you can’t quite get or something you’ve judged unattainable.” Read more …

Why You Should Date More Than One Guy At A Time

So many of my clients ask me whether they should date more than one man at a time. As their search for love heats up, suddenly there are a few guys who are interested and they don’t know how to handle it. The other scenario is that they fall in love too quickly with one guy and end up heartbroken time after time. Have either of these situations happened to you?

When I was looking for love, I often dated up to three guys simultaneously. I wasn’t trying to hit some number in the Guinness Book of World Records. Rather, my goal was simple: to find a guy I could date more than three times, hoping this would lead to a relationship.

Frequently, men would drop out after one, two or three dates. Since there was no way to know who would stick around, I dated as many guys as I was interested in at the same time. That’s why I’m an advocate for “volume dating.” I dated 30 men in 15 months in order to eventually meet my husband. Read more …

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