A friend of mine sent the following quote to me today:
“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” – Author Unknown
This quote is stunningly perfect. I wish I had this in my 20s, although I might not have completely understood this as I do now. It truly sums up how many of us have felt inrelationships when we have put the other person first over and over again and coming in maybe tenth with them in their lives. I don’t think I need to elaborate too much on this statement, other than please remember to read this as many times as necessary when you find yourself here. Have it become your mantra and do not make excuses for why the person you are dating is not making you a priority. Read more …
As parents must safeguard their homes against the presence of a toddler, so must single men prepare their apartments for the company of a woman. This process is called girlproofing. I must give credit where credit is due here. It was the great John DeVore of “Mind of Man” fame who coined the term. He once told me that he refused to let a woman he liked into his apartment until it was properly “girlproofed.” John DeVore is a wise man. For he understands that if a woman doesn’t feel safe and comfortable at his place, she’s probably never coming back. Keep reading »
Has this ever happened to you? You meet a new guy for coffee and have a great first date. He was easy to talk to, had a good sense of humor and had good answers to your questions. You feel tentatively positive. The week goes by. He texts once or twice, but does not ask about the weekend.
Then, he finally calls you, on Friday, to talk about the weekend. “Are you free tonight?” he asks. Well, you purposely left the weekend open hoping he would call. So you say, “Yes”. You go out and have another great date. It is so nice to talk to a man who you can have a great conversation. You smile, laugh and share similar ideas about life.
Then, you don’t hear from him all week, except for some texting. This time, you can’t take it. You want to know what is going to happen for the weekend. You can’t stand this waiting game. You assume, of course, you will have a date. Read more …
Like it or not, first impressions do matter. Second and third impressions do too — especially in the dating world. Admit it, you want to be wanted and liked by your suitor. We all do! No man or woman wants to be told they’re not the best choice or the most favorable candidate for love. The trouble is that our desire to be liked often drives us to be someone other than ourselves.
Some of us never show up for dates (especially the first ones), because we’ve sent our representatives instead — a make believe character that you think the person sitting across the table will find more interesting than you. It seems like a brilliant idea at the time, but your “rep” could cost you the date. Read more …
Shark Week is back! But how well-versed are you in the landsharks who live and date in cities, just like people? Don’t stay out of the water, kids; just be vigilant. Here are five dating “sharks” to avoid falling prey to.
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When you think of settling down, Jennifer Aniston isn’t usually the first name to come up. That was until of course this weekend when she said “yes!” to longtime beau, Justin Theroux. Honestly, I’ve always been Team Angie, but it’s so great to see Jenn happy. Everyone deserves to find that special someone, and it seems like Justin is That Guy for her. In their pictures together, he looks just as in love with her as she is with him. How sweet!
But, Jenn has kissed a lot of frogs before getting to this point. Most of them weren’t terrible guys (I mean there was Brad Pitt), but they were frogs for her. Which teaches us girls a lesson. There are a lot of guys you need to date before you can really settle down. Each one is great in their own way and gives you important life experiences. Finding The One first isn’t always the best thing! Don’t believe me? Look through the guys below and you’ll change your mind.
The High School Sweetheart. Having a high school sweetheart is well … Sweet. Read more …
A couple of years after my fiancé and I broke up, I received a friend request from him on Facebook. I guess it made sense. While I’d decided that being real world friends didn’t quite work for me, I wasn’t exactly hating him either. So when I saw the friend request, I momentarily thought about accepting it. It would be the mature thing to do, right? Wrong. The mature thing to do is whatever moves you forward into a peaceful, calm, and happy existence. And looking at my ex’s new life wouldn’t help with that. So I did not accept.
Some couples are instant and true friends after their breakup. I don’t happen to know any of them, but rumor has it they exist. If those ex-couples want to be Facebook friends, so be it. But the rest of us should defriend, at least for awhile. Here are 6 of the lamest excuses for not unfriending your ex on Facebook.
1. I want to see if he says anything bad about me. Ahh, so you’re conducting your own public relations control campaign by monitoring your ex’s wall. Well, here’s a thought: If your ex is gauche enough to share anything negative about you with all of his Facebook friends, then that reflects badly on only one person: Him. Read more …
One of the more annoying things about dating is being given unsolicited advice by the smug couples of the world, the most offensive kind being played out platitudes about love. Thanks. I’m sure “my time will come” but when? How? At least say something helpful if you’re going to shove your advice down my throat. And by the way, just because I’m not currently in love doesn’t mean I’ve never experienced it before. I have, thank you very much. And here’s what I learned from my experiences: Falling in love is a wonderful, mystical, magical thing, but it’s complicated and nuanced and rare. Every time you fall in love it’s as unique as a snowflake, so it’s absolutely impossible to generalize with some stale old saying. I humbly request a ban on the following love adages on the grounds that they’re stupid and untrue. Oh, and I give you permission to close your ears the next time you hear these phrases … Keep reading »
Two of my most major dating anxieties are A) having nothing to talk about and B) the first kiss. I fear having nothing to talk about, not because I don’t have anything to talk about, but if I’m sitting across from an uncommunicative human for an hour, I will feel compelled to fill up every second of that hour with words. And for those of you who similarly fear awkward silences, you know how much energy it takes to fill an entire hour with words. It’s soul sucking.
That was a tangent. I’m really here to talk about first kiss anxiety, which is way, way more serious. I think there are two schools of thought on first kisses: Those who think a bad first kiss indicates incompatibility and those who believe that kissing is not all-important. If you’re a member of Team Kissing Is Not All-Important, it’s all-important for me to be up front and tell you that we don’t have anything to talk about. A bad first kiss is enough to put me off the person … forever. So, when I’m on a date, and we do have stuff to talk about, I am then free to live in fearful anticipation of that first lip lock. I understand that everyone has different kissing styles and preferences, and there is a spectrum of what may be considered enjoyable, but I’ve consulted with other women, and they agree with me, there are certain kinds of kisses that are universally unwelcome. After the jump, some kinds of first kisses that will render romance DOA. Don’t be an offender. Keep reading »
In the 2007 remake of “3:10 to Yuma,” Christian Bale’s character loses his leg while fighting in the Civil War. As compensation, the government gives him a sum of money, which he uses to attempt to forge a new life. After he fails miserably, he realizes that the government never actually cared about helping him. They just wanted to erase any obligation they had. He sums up his disillusionment more cynically than anything Batman ever came up with: The government didn’t give him the money so he could walk away. They gave him the money so they could walk away.
Recently, I discovered that the same idea applies to dating. Keep reading »