You probably know Mr. Snuffleupagus as the heavy-lashed wooly mammoth from “Sesame Street.” He’s the lovable, large, brown creature who swings his trunk to and fro with every step, spends his days hanging out with Big Bird and enjoys nothing more than a bowl of spaghetti. I, however, happen to regard Snuffleupagus as my personal relationship savior.
How could a Muppet be so important to the health of my relationship? Before you go thinking we’re furries or into some kinky Muppet action, let me explain: Snuffleupagus is our safe word. My boyfriend and I use it when we’ve gone too far—not in the bedroom, but in our fights.
The need for a safe word arose while we were temporarily living with his parents and dealing with the stress of the situation. I won’t go into too much detail, but the dysfunction among his family members took its toll on our relationship, and soon we reached a point where we were arguing several times a day. Every comment was an attack and every action was an argument trigger. It brought a whole new meaning to the phrase walking on eggshells. Keep reading »
While we fantasize about finding the perfect feminist boyfriend, the burden of bringing feminism into a hetero relationship often lies with the lady — like so many other burdens of relationships! So here are a few ways to bring an egalitarian spirit to your coupledom:
1. Talk about “women’s” issues as if they are not “women’s” issues but “human” issues. Because, you know, they are. Who wins if we have birth control, healthy reproductive systems, and equal pay? Our guys, who get to have consequence-free sex and more money coming into the household. Read more …
If there’s any deeper message to be extracted from “Love In The Wild,” which premieres tonight 9/8c on NBC, it’s that you don’t want to get stuck in a snake pit with a crap ass partner. Teamwork is key on the dating competition show, in which single men and women pair off into couples and compete for a trip around the world – finding a partner that can be trusted to be loyal is the best chance they have to at achieving victory in the end (and finding love to boot). The same can be said of long-term relationships in the real world. The nice thing about competing in life-threatening challenges is that a person reveals their true colors right away. These things are not quite as easy to discern at a wine bar as they are when bungee jumping off a mountain. But there are clues that you can pay attention to that will let you know if he’s the kind of guy you’d want to go kayaking through the rain forest with … or endure a weekend at his parents’ together. Equally as dangerous! After the jump, some signs that he won’t be a great partner — “Love in the Wild” contestants, take notes! Keep reading »
Poor men. They’ve been sleepwalking through life trying not to screw up the first date or the first kiss. Those events are important, duh, but there is a booby trap lurking underfoot: The real big deal that dudes have to try not to screw up is the grand unveiling of his living quarters.
No, ladies are not judging the size of your place or whether you live in an apartment or a house. What women really judge you on? When we meet a guy whose cute, smart, and funny and then his place is nasty and dirty. If your place looks like the “Jersey Shore” house at the end of the summer on a typical Tuesday night, we’ve got problems. Rather, you’ve got problems.
So, gather ’round men and grab your Scrubbing Bubbles. This is what women hate about your filthy apartment: Keep reading »
When I use the words “men” and “rebound” in the same sentence, male minds might quickly conjure up thoughts of their favorite NBA teams. Women, however, understand that I am addressing the phenomenon of rushing into a new relationship after the dissolution of an old one. And while men aren’t the only ones guilty of this relationship ricochet, they are, by far, the most-likely to engage in this particular type of reactionary behavior.
So, what causes men to so quickly move from a break-up with you to the arms of another woman? Read more …
I’ve promised my friends that whenever my dating prospects dry up, I will gather up my courage and make a new online dating profile. Well, my prospects are drying up at a rapid pace. Yet, I’ve made no move to get my electronic mojo going. Why? I’m not entirely sure. I really have nothing against online dating, I just know that I’m better in person. Also, I enjoy the challenge of having to drum up new dating business without making a profile. That, and my online dating experiences in the past have been, well, a little bit scarring. I’m not going to go into great details but I will give you three scenarios: Obsessed With His Cat, Wanted By The Federal Government, Told Me About His Sex Therapy. I realize that these were isolated incidents, but the thought of having to sit through a date that even remotely resembles any of these makes me feel trepidatious. In the meantime, I am dragging my feet, grasping at straws. Here are the things I’m currently doing to put off the inevitable for just a little bit longer. Keep reading »
There comes a time in most relationships when you must decide to, excuse my Texan, ‘shit or get off the pot.’ Relationship milestones are no mystery. There’s the “getting to know one another and going on dates” phase, the “okay, we’re more than casual but not calling each other boyfriend or girlfriend (you know, because it’s really trendy to have commitment issues these days)” phase, followed by the “I mean, it’s obvious that we’re together exclusively, but we haven’t really talked about it” phase, and finally the “yeah, we’ve been dating for years” phase. Maybe there are a few I overlooked, but at each intersection of relationship stages, a moment of decision arises. To stay or not to stay? That is the question. Progressing through each stage requires a deeper level of compatibility and the willingness to make a larger commitment. Do you have it? Read more …
Ladies, you know when you meet a guy you really like, and you think, “This could be the one!” But something feels off. It feels sort of like you are single-handedly dragging the relationship up a mountain, or kind of pushing it up a hill with one finger? Because it seems like the guy gives mixed signals. One day he is so into you, and the next day, you’re not quite so sure, and then you’re all confused and like, “Should I stay or should I go?” Yeah, when you’re quoting The Clash, it’s a bad sign. Well, take heart, you’re not crazy. You could merely be dealing with a Commitmentphobe. Commitmentphobes can be found anywhere; however, they tend to congregate in urban areas where men outnumber women. These guys look like every other guy, but they talk differently.
So how to tell if you’ve got one of these slithery specimans? You need a translator. You need a Commitmentphobic Dictionary of Terms and Phrases.
Here are 8 classic lines commitmentphobic dudes say, and what they really mean (can also be used for commitmentphobic women):
Let’s take things slow. Meaning: Let’s sleep together really fast but take everything else really slow. Read more …
One afternoon this week, I was putzing around on Twitter, procrastinating on work, when a tweet from Patti Stanger, the star of “Millionaire Matchmaker,” caught my eye. “Part of acting like a lady involves allowing him to be a gentleman,” she tweeted.
Hmmm, I thought. That’s just good advice. Then I thought about it for a second. Wait. What does that even mean? It sounds like a riddle. The more I thought about it, the less it made sense and the more it seemed to be zen koan-like thought farts.
Patti Stanger’s Twitter feed is filled with these thought farts. Like her Bravo show ”Millionaire Matchmaker,” she offers a melange of useful observations on dating and relationships, mixed with some truly reactionary, fucked-up advice that seeks to corral both men and women into normative gender role behavior. (In fact, we’ve debunked some of this fucked up-edness before.) Let me be clear: if people want to choose that normative gender role behavior himself or herself, that’s great. I choose it a lot of the time myself, in fact. But it’s not ethical to teach people their most successful strategy for finding love is to squeeze yourself into a box and follow the sexist script.
After the jump, let’s debunk some of Patti Stanger’s advice over Twitter … the good, the bad, and the truly WTF. Keep reading »
Vagina Killer (vah-ji´nah kil′ər) noun: 1. The thing that an otherwise acceptable man can do or say on a date to ensure that he will never get into your pants. Ever.
Vagina killers will stop the mojo of any good date dead in its tracks. For example, say you’re on a date with a perfectly charming, perfectly smart, perfectly handsome, perfectly eligible man. Ah, you think. A normal man at last. A good conversation. A nice dinner. Things are going well! And then he drops the one bomb that will ensure your vagina is closed for business to him for all eternity. Like he tells you that all he needs in his life is his cat; in fact, they are best friends and they do everything together. For a non-allergic cat lover, that might be a vagina awakener, but for me, a very allergic, non-cat loving person: vagina DOA. I’m sorry, Guy — you were in the running before you KILLED MY VAGINA.The point being, vagina killers are very personal and specific, but we all have them. Remember, your goal is to keep that vagina alive so you can meet her in person! After the jump, some more deadly vagina killers to avoid at all costs. Please share yours in the comments.
Keep reading »