Tag Archives: dating tip

Dating Don’ts: 10 Things You’re Probably Overreacting About

Dating Don'ts:Dumped
The only piece of advice you need to avoid getting dumped. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: 2nd Date
Don't turn down that second date! Read More »

In the early stages of dating, decoding and deciphering signals can be the hardest part. What’s his normal behavior? What’s his I really like you behavior? What’s his I’m about to ghost you behavior? It’s all a bit murky when you’re not familiar with a person’s normal modus operandi. And it creates a perfect storm (no intentional reference to Frankenstorm, which is raging right now) for daters who love to overanalyze everything. I would know nothing about that.

Disclaimer before I go any further here: if the person you’re dating does something that doesn’t sit well with you on a gut level, don’t ignore that. For example, one time I was dating this guy who yelled at me and told I was embarrassing him when I gave him a kiss in front of his friends. A peck on the lips, no tongue, mind you. I was like, “Well, I understand that we all have different levels of comfort with PDA, but BYE.” That was a no-brainer. It wasn’t going to work. Keep reading »

8 Meditations For Crazy Daters

After publishing last week’s Dating Don’ts about how not to get dumped, I was relieved to discover that I’m not the only person out there with PTDD (Post Traumatic Dating Disorder). I’ve been working on  putting the kibosh on my irrational self-script and reclaiming some fucking inner peace. So far, it’s been ridiculously difficult. If I’m being honest, I’ve gotten a bit worse. Sorry Dr. Rob, but I’m nowhere near accepting that there is no such thing as a guarantee in relationships or life in general. But maybe it’s one of those one step forward two steps back type of situations. I shall keep meditating on it. But until I wake up enlightened, I’ve decided to try replacing any of my negative dating thoughts with a host of more positive ones. Here is my collection of mantras for when my Crazy Dater takes over. I use that term with love, of course. God, I hope these help us…

Dating Don'ts:Dumped
The only piece of advice you need to avoid getting dumped. Read More »
Ambivalent Single Lobster
Who says lobsters mate for life? This one is ambivalently single. Read More »
Relationship Advice
This is the relationship advice Julie would give you if she were your friend. Read More »

Dating Don’ts: How Not To Get Dumped

Dating Don'ts: Bad Advice
The most unhelpful dating advice Ami ever received. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: 2nd Date
Don't turn down that second date! Read More »
Dating Don'ts: He's Back!
Why you should be wary when you hear from him unexpectedly. Read More »

I believe I’ve made it clear how I feel about relationship advice. Mostly, I find it utterly unhelpful. I think that relationships are so complicated and personal, that advice is not one person fits all. I especially hate gimmicky, quick-fix relationship advice that’s like “The Magic Thing That Will Get You Married In 364 Days!” WORST! The only brand of dating advice I can stomach is the kind that’s empowering. And when I stumble upon it, I share it with you.

Last week, I had coffee with a good friend. We both started dating new guys we met online on the exact same day. (Weird, right?) That was a few months ago, and both relationships are still on and popping. During our coffee session, one of the things we talked about was how we both were having persistent, irrational anxiety about our relationships suddenly ending. Our shades of anxiety were a bit different. Mine has been taking the form of a recurring fear of being dumped out-of-the-blue. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: 10 Reasons You Shouldn’t Turn Down A Second Date (Even If The First One Kind Of Sucked)

Dating Don'ts: Bad Advice
The most unhelpful dating advice Ami ever received. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Money
These bad money habits are bad news. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Canceling
Don't cancel plans this way. Read More »

I was just talking to a friend about her new, amazing, best-sex-ever relationship. She said her first date with her now girlfriend was awful. They had nothing to talk about and it was awkward as hell.

“Why did you go out again?” I asked.

“We had already planned a second date before the first. It was a fluke,” she explained.

Now my friend is having the best sex of her life, something she wouldn’t have had if she hadn’t given this woman a second chance.

When I first moved to New York City, I dated pretty heavily. Wait. Heavily is the wrong word — that implies getting in deep, right? I dated many different guys. But I only went out with one of them more than once.

How is that even possible? Looking back, I see that since I only went out with them once, they were fundamentally the same exact guy — First Date Guy. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: 7 Of The Most Unhelpful Pieces Of Dating Advice I Ever Received

Dating Don'ts: Canceling
Don't cancel plans this way. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Exclusivity
How not to approach exclusivity. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Morning
Don't screw everything up the morning after. Read More »

I’ve only been off the market for two months and already, the dating world is like a bad, distant memory I want to put in a shoe box and hide under my bed.

I have to ask myself, Am I being melodramatic? Was it really that bad? When I distill it down, there was really one thing that made dating unbearable: other people’s advice.

Because dating can be overwhelming, confusing and wrought with powerful emotions, our instinct is often to seek counsel outside of ourselves. But trying to apply other people’s advice, even advice given by professionals, to our dating lives, which are extremely personal, is like walking around in a pair of shoes that don’t fit. You’re going to get blisters. The best thing anyone could have told me to do was figure out what was best for me and do that. If only I had been following my own gut, I might have had a better time dating.

Below are some of the most unhelpful pieces of dating advice I’ve ever received … Keep reading »

The Pros And Cons Of Dating A Divorced Man

Happily Divorced
We shouldn't shame folks for realizing their marriage just won't work out. Read More »

Two years ago, I met a gentleman I shall henceforth call James, because his name was, well, James. James and I had a first date for the books. It lasted a full 10 hours (we’d met up for coffee at 3 p.m. on a Saturday), and we discussed everything from the rudeness inherent to chronic lateness to how we both hate the book Confederacy of Dunces. We discussed how embarrassed we both are by this latter fact.

I knew about James like you know a good dye job. Here’s the one for me, I thought. The man I’ve been looking for years. I just KNOW.

There was one little problem, however, and that was that James already had a wife.  Keep reading »

How To Tell The Difference Between A Man And A Boy

I’ve finally gotten around to reading Mindy Kaling’s book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? One of the things that struck me the most is her chapter about the difference between men and boys. She reveals that until she was in her 30s, she only dated boys because men scared the shit out of her:

“Boys are wonderful in a lot of ways. They make amazing, memorable homemade gifts. They’re impulsive. Boys can talk for hours with you in a diner at three in the morning because they don’t have regular work hours. But they suck to date when you turn 30 …Men know what they want and they and they don’t let you in on their inner monologue, and that is scary.”

Keep reading »

Dating Don'ts: Bad Partner
Here are some signs that he'll be a crappy partner. Read More »
Men Are Romantic
Five ways that men are also hopeless romantics. Read More »

Dating Don’ts: How Not To Cancel Plans

Dating Don'ts: Money
These bad money habits are bad news. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Love
There are certain times when "I love you" doesn't count. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Injury
If you're not fit to date, get off the playing field. Read More »

One time, a guy I had been dating for more than a month canceled our Saturday night date, calling an hour before we were supposed to meet, telling me that he was “itching all over.” I’m putting that phrase in quotes because that is exactly what he said. I couldn’t have made it up if I tried. I followed this up with the normal questions a person would ask:

Did you see the doctor?

Are you running a fever?

Are you having an allergic reaction to something? Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: 8 Money Habits You Shouldn’t Be Cool With

Dating Don'ts: Love
There are certain times when "I love you" doesn't count. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Injury
If you're not fit to date, get off the playing field. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Exclusivity
How not to approach exclusivity. Read More »

The Beatles had it right when they crooned “Money can’t buy me love.” For sure. It’s impossible to put a price tag on the important things in relationships. BUT … if  opening his wallet to buy you a drink throws your date into an existential crisis, there’s a problem.

Now that I’m and “adult” and living on my own, I’m forced to come to grips with what it takes to be financially responsible for myself. Meaning, I prioritize my car payment and rent over the many cute new outfits that I would like to buy. And to be honest, I’m finding that it isn’t such a difficult concept to grasp. So what is it, then, with the guys I end up dating? Every man I’ve been out with lately has a dysfunctional relationship with his wallet: cheapskates, millionaires, and the down-and-out and broke. It’s getting to be annoying. Keep reading »

The 3 Things Men Are Looking For In A Relationship

Women frequently ask me what guys are looking for in their relationships with the women in their lives. And although they may realize how uncomplicated guys are, they are still usually surprised by the simplicity of my answer. In general, men are looking for three things when they become involved romantically with a woman:

Sex, comfort and companionship.

And that’s pretty much it. And while there are certainly some men who have additional prerequisites on their relationship checklists, they are by far the minority, and don’t really merit much examination in a general discussion about men and their motivations. Read more …

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