You give good text and are proud of it. Often finding yourself heavy texting with a crush or brand new love interest, you delight in the back-and-forth repartee, the dings announcing his new message, the way that crafting witty responses keeps your brain sharp and you on your toes. When you talk to your friends, they complain that the men they’re dating text too much. “It’s not even real communication!” they exclaim. “Why don’t they ever just pick up the f**king phone and call?!” But not you. You’re happy to stick to texts for as long as possible. Far from being daunted by a guy who never picks up the phone, you’ll dodge his calls and let him go straight to voicemail so you can text him back.
If this sounds like you, you could be flirting with disaster. While it’s fun, and even sometimes downright dirty to be a master texter, it could put you at risk for these dating pitfalls, especially early on in a relationship. So let your fingers do the talking if you must, but proceed with caution. Keep reading »
What determines whether you find the love of your life or end up alone?
This question haunts even the most confident women. You’re not alone. It comes up when you’ve spent years in and out of failed relationships and you finally reach the point wanting to give up on love.
If you ask this question in the form of a complaint, like “why me?” you won’t get a satisfactory answer. But if you ask it with an open mind and in the spirit of wanting to know the truth, it can make the difference between finding the love of your life—or being alone. Read more…
We all know that music can powerfully affect emotions, changing how you feel completely or intensifying the mood you’re already in. We also know that relationships can powerfully affect emotions, making you want to dance in the streets or hide out under the covers. Listening to the right song at the right moment will amp up your elation, pull you out of a funk, or plunge you deeper into despair. Click through for playlists to help you rejoice in the beginning of a new relationship, mourn the loss of an old one, or give you the strength to move on to the next.
I’m known amongst my friends as a serial dater. I enjoy going on first dates. Or I used to. In the last few years, I began to feel an encroaching anxiety before every first date. There was one thing standing between me and enjoying dating. It was a monster. Every time I met a girl I liked, I would sit at my computer and open my browser. My fingers would start tapping. And I couldn’t resist. Clicking. Going through images. Info.
“Look what I have to show you,” the monster would beckon me. And it had a lot to show me.
It knew my date’s favorite books, movies, music, even quotes. It knew her interests. It showcased videos of her with friends. And worst of all it was the gatekeeper of her photos. Sometimes just a few, sometimes hundreds, thousands. So many photos of the girl I hadn’t even gone out with yet! The monster would only show her good ones, of course. The bad ones were untagged, which made me wonder what the bad ones looked like. That monster was Facebook. And it was ruining my ability to date like a normal human being. Keep reading »
Confession? I love Valentine’s Day. I know it’s not cool to admit, but I’m a big soppy romantic at heart. Any day devoted to chocolates, flowers and other showy displays of l’amour is okay by me. (And even if I’ve been single on V-Day, my dad has always sent me a box of chocolate in the mail!) This year my dude has been warning me to keep my expectations low, which I guess means we’re taking a hot air balloon ride instead of a private jet to Mustique? I know I am alone in my Valentine’s Day love … so I chatted with some of the dudes on my IM to plumb the depths of their hatred. Keep reading »
It’s pretty obvious that men and women communicate differently—that simple fact has been the basis for many a tired sitcom or rom com plot. But the gender divide in communication is an interesting one to explore, especially in terms of relationships. Tokii investigated these differences and found some surprising results (see infographic below) that are worth paying attention to if you’d like to keep your relationship (and your sex life) intact. Yeah, we thought that might grab your attention.
“We need to talk.” We call that the “phrase that launched a thousand breakups.” It’s pretty easy to dread the conversation that follows once someone speaks those four words. Tokii’s results show that 89 percent of men assume the worst when their partner says “Let’s talk,” only 61 percent of women do the same. The takeaway? Find a new way to initiate difficult conversations. Read more …
I hate getting dumped. But I hate doing the dumping even more. I’ll take a breakup text any day of the week over having to send one. Not that I would EVER dump someone via text, even though I’ve been dumped that way. LAME. But I digress. I know how to deal with getting dumped. I have a lot of … experience, shall we say, as dumpee. Getting dumped is a piece of cake! You get angry. You get sad. You mutter expletives to yourself on the subway, listen to The Smiths non-stop for a week and think about how you really didn’t like the way he kissed anyway. Then you move on. Being the dumper is way, way trickier though. Why? Because it challenges your view of yourself as a good person. For a moment, you are forced be the asshole breaking someone’s heart. No way around it. it sucks. The guilt, the avoidance of that “asshole” feeling, has led me to perform some heinous dumpings. But I’ve learned from my mistakes. After the jump, some tips about how to end a relationship while remaining a decent human being. Keep reading »
If you feel like you missed the class that taught everything you needed to know about dating and you just can’t make these things called relationships work, you may be stuck in some unhealthy romantic patterns. These default strategies can often kick in without us even knowing it — from the moment those first crushy feelings arise and take hold until the relationship inevitably crashes and burns and sometimes beyond, making it difficult to get over a guy and move on with your dating life. Ironically, the very behaviors you engage in to get into a healthy, loving, committed relationship do just the opposite, leaving you in tremendous pain and feeling like you’re destined to be alone forever. Looking back at the wreckage of your relationship history, you’ll know if it’s time to cleanse your dating palate of the chaotic and destructive patterns that have gotten you to where you are, overwhelmed by loneliness and afraid you’ll be perpetually single. Click through to see some of the biggest offenders and suggestions for how to let them go. If you can break these deadly dating patterns, you might have a shot at that love thing after all. Even though you clearly missed that day in class. I think all of us did.
Do you keep meeting disappointing men? The ones who seem so promising at first, but then end up never calling you, or worse — promising you the world and then breaking your heart? Perhaps you’re attracting the wrong guys because you’re not asking for what you want. Or maybe you have a thing for “bad boys” — you think you can tame ‘em (hint: This almost never works). Could it be a stroke of bad luck? Well, a recent Chemistry.com poll says you may just be living in the wrong city. Keep reading »
In the interest of beginning the year with a little self-reflection, I’ve taken some time to ponder the state of my love life. The landscape is as such: lots of nice guys on the horizon. I said horizon. They are watching me from a distance. Sniffing around my way. Saying howdy. Scuffling away without writing their name on my dance card, if you will.
The good news is, I’ve finally started to attract the kinds of guys I want to. The high-quality ones with good hearts. Only problem is, these guys tend to be more reserved (or maybe respectful?) than the guys I’m used to dating. In the past, the guys who’ve scored dates with me are the guys who approach without hesitation.
I’ve become accustomed to an old-fashioned dating model where I smile, flirt shamelessly, drop breadcrumbs of interest, perform my gender normative role as female and wait for the guy to follow the trail. In the past, I’ve lived by the dating credo, “If he likes me, he’ll come to me.” Keep reading »