Breakups suck. Despite all the lessons and advice our parents teach us, nothing really prepares us to fall in love with someone and then have that person choose not to be with us anymore. With a broken heart and a shattered ego, our brain demands explanations.We crave resolution and closure. But we rarely get what we desire. One magical date and he didn’t call again, why? Two weeks of texting and flirting on Facebook and then nothing, why? One month spent dating a guy you were ambivalent about only to have him dump you, why?
Frankly, asking why is a colossal waste of time. Keep this word in your back pocket every time you are tempted to contemplate a dating scenario gone awry: Next. Next is your best friend when it comes to dating, hook-ups, friends with benefits, and all the rest. Keep reading »
We were so thoroughly uninspired by the top ten breakup lines for men and women that we felt like we needed to take action. We’re starting the Brutal Honesty Breakup Movement. It’s not a real movement yet, but we think it has serious potential. Consider this our contribution. After the jump, some suggested lines to use the next time you dump someone. Read as: the real reason you are ending things. Keep reading »
Other than good friends and a big pint of chocolate ice cream, nothing can help you get through a really rough breakup better than music. Really emotional and honest songs can make you feel like you want to scream or cry, but grieving the end of a relationship is healthy.
Some of the greatest breakup songs ever written—whether they’re about cheating, moving on or just realizing the relationship doesn’t work—all have one special thing in common. They all have the ability to make us feel like we’re not alone in the world, like someone else out there understands. And that can be a powerful thing for the moving on process.
Here are five breakup songs that helped us at one time or another (along with our favorite lyrics). Read more …
A survey done at through a UK dating site found the top ten breakup lines men and women use. Dating pros, I’m sure you’ve either heard these all or used them yourself. I feel the world’s longest eye roll coming on. And P.S. This is a wake-up call, we need to start coming up with some more original ways to dump each other because we suck at it. Find out what they are after the jump. For extra fun, take a shot for each line you’ve heard or used. I predict you’ll be wasted by the end of the list. Keep reading »
Remember that hot guy in high school who dated every girl in his class, despite treating every one of them like crap? Why was this possible? Because women suffer from It Will Be Different With Me Syndrome. Sadly, it’s usually never different. Men aren’t rocket science. In fact, they are like The Weather Channel. You can predict fairly accurately what weather lay ahead, based on their past behavior.
The type of men that lie, cheat, or are guilty of general douchebaggery come with a track record. Other women warn you to stay away, his friends tell you about his sordid past, and yet, you’ll convince yourself that you and you alone are up to the challenge of taming him.
There are times when our hopes and beliefs contradict all available evidence and can actually hurt us. Simply wanting someone to be an awesome guy doesn’t make him an awesome guy. Just ask Katy Perry. Despite all evidence that John Mayer is one of Hollywood’s biggest love-em-and-leave-em type of guys, she’s convinced herself he’ll be different with her. I hope she likes her love life discussed intimately on Twitter, or on the pages of Playboy, because that’s what she has to look forward to. It won’t be different with Katy. Just ask Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston, Taylor Swift, or Minka Kelly. Keep reading »
My relationship has hit a roadblock. This roadblock may be like a piece of highway shrapnel that we need to swerve around or it might be more like the Berlin Wall, which would take radical change to make fall. I don’t know yet. If it’s the latter, I’d better take up graffiti art. And I call West Berlin, obvs.
I don’t want to go into detail about the impasse my guy and I are at because it’s über-complicated (isn’t it always?) and because I’m a private person sometimes (despite being a blogger). And because I’m taking a radical approach to conflict resolution.
Last week I was out with one of my best friends. He’s been with his husband for 15 years now, so he knows a lot about this “making relationships last” stuff. I told him about the issues we were dealing with and expressed being torn over the future — not knowing whether to have hope and fight or stop trying altogether. He responded with the most genius bit of advice ever (and you know how much I dislike relationship advice): “Just be Switzerland,” he told me. Keep reading »
Last week, I got an email from someone who said he was referred to me by W*, a guy I went on a few dates with a couple of years ago. Backstory on W: on either our third or fourth date (I can’t remember), he invited me to his place to cook dinner for me. Not going to go into too much detail, but W was a shitbird from the moment I took off my coat. At one point, we got into a heated debate about our literary tastes and he threw a book of poetry at me (not violently, but still!) and told me to read something worth my while. I told him to go fuck himself (in more flowery language), put my coat back on and hightailed it out of there. The next day he sent me an email and admitted to being “stressed about something else” and “not at his best.” I replied with a “fair enough” and we never spoke again. In my mind, we were not on good terms. We were on “let’s never talk again” terms. Keep reading »
In the early stages of dating, decoding and deciphering signals can be the hardest part. What’s his normal behavior? What’s his I really like you behavior? What’s his I’m about to ghost you behavior? It’s all a bit murky when you’re not familiar with a person’s normal modus operandi. And it creates a perfect storm (no intentional reference to Frankenstorm, which is raging right now) for daters who love to overanalyze everything. I would know nothing about that.
Disclaimer before I go any further here: if the person you’re dating does something that doesn’t sit well with you on a gut level, don’t ignore that. For example, one time I was dating this guy who yelled at me and told I was embarrassing him when I gave him a kiss in front of his friends. A peck on the lips, no tongue, mind you. I was like, “Well, I understand that we all have different levels of comfort with PDA, but BYE.” That was a no-brainer. It wasn’t going to work. Keep reading »
After publishing last week’s Dating Don’ts about how not to get dumped, I was relieved to discover that I’m not the only person out there with PTDD (Post Traumatic Dating Disorder). I’ve been working on putting the kibosh on my irrational self-script and reclaiming some fucking inner peace. So far, it’s been ridiculously difficult. If I’m being honest, I’ve gotten a bit worse. Sorry Dr. Rob, but I’m nowhere near accepting that there is no such thing as a guarantee in relationships or life in general. But maybe it’s one of those one step forward two steps back type of situations. I shall keep meditating on it. But until I wake up enlightened, I’ve decided to try replacing any of my negative dating thoughts with a host of more positive ones. Here is my collection of mantras for when my Crazy Dater takes over. I use that term with love, of course. God, I hope these help us…
I believe I’ve made it clear how I feel about relationship advice. Mostly, I find it utterly unhelpful. I think that relationships are so complicated and personal, that advice is not one person fits all. I especially hate gimmicky, quick-fix relationship advice that’s like “The Magic Thing That Will Get You Married In 364 Days!” WORST! The only brand of dating advice I can stomach is the kind that’s empowering. And when I stumble upon it, I share it with you.
Last week, I had coffee with a good friend. We both started dating new guys we met online on the exact same day. (Weird, right?) That was a few months ago, and both relationships are still on and popping. During our coffee session, one of the things we talked about was how we both were having persistent, irrational anxiety about our relationships suddenly ending. Our shades of anxiety were a bit different. Mine has been taking the form of a recurring fear of being dumped out-of-the-blue. Keep reading »