I have something I need to get off my chest. I’m experiencing pangs of guilt about writing about dating when I’m no longer doing it. I wake up some mornings and feel like I’m the Benedict Arnold of the single population. During my time at The Frisky, I have gone through pockets of non-singleness, but for the most part I have been single and proud to be so, with moments of not-proud-to be so. I’ve written about the ups and downs of that, but mostly, I accepted and embraced singlehood. I cultivated an identity around it.
As much as I griped about having to sleep on the pull-out couch every Christmas (that did genuinely suck), as much as I blamed myself for being single, as much as I kicked and screamed my way through online dating, as many times as I gave up and went on dating hiatuses, the truth is that I liked being single. I liked being free to hang out with friends, or go to hot yoga, or wake up as early as I felt like on a Sunday morning (I never sleep past 8 a.m). I liked reading my books on the subway and always being in charge of what to watch on Netflix live streaming. Season 3 of “RuPaul’s Drag Race” at 7 a.m. on Saturday? WERK! I liked making unilateral decisions about everything in my life because, seriously, it’s the height of personal freedom. It’s something that everyone should experience. It’s a state of being to be savored for as long as it lasts. Keep reading »
A few weeks into my relationship with “Ben,” I left town for about two months. The week after we moved in together, I left again. Every couple comes into a relationship with baggage, but mine was a little more literal. I’m a travel writer, and my job sends me on the road regularly. As much as it’s awesome to go to Mexico City or Copenhagen to report stories, my on-and-off travel schedule has made it hard to build relationships. And when it came to building a relationship with a dude I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I had to learn how to make it work – even when “it” was an ocean away.
In some ways, our relationship is just like any other long-distance relationship. We chat on Skype, keep in touch on IM, and make a point of checking in just to talk about normal stuff like what kind of mischief the cat has been up to. But it’s hard to get rid of the guilt I feel when I’m sitting on a beach or in an outdoor café when I know that Ben is chained to his computer at the office or going to boring meetings. Keep reading »
I hate both giving and receiving dating advice, mostly because it isn’t a one-size-fits-all endeavor. But when a younger lady, wet behind the ears on the dating scene, comes to me and asks questions, I feel obligated to share my hard-learned relationship truthisms. Even if they’re harsh. I’m not going to make it all fluffy unicorns. Dating is more like an unpredictable mastodon. Yes, I know she’ll probably ignore me, the young, irreverent laddess that she is, and go do exactly what the hell she wants to do just like I did when I was 19. And she’ll learn on her own, the hard way, the way all of us did, by getting kicked out of the guy-you-think-you’re-in-love-with’s birthday party and then vomiting in a gutter at 5 a.m. Or was that just me? But ohhh, if I can spare her the unnecessary heartache, the unnecessary vomit, the time spent composing unnecessary revenge emails, then dammit, I will give my most valiant effort! If someone had told me these things back then– when I had no idea how shit worked — I would have plugged my ears. So here goes, the things I know are true about dating, even though I wish they weren’t. Take heed. Or feel free to ignore and enjoy the GIFs. You’re going to do what you want to anyone. That’s the truth. Keep reading »
“Excuse me, why do you have the sour bug?”
That’s what a guy once said to me in a bar. I know, I know; you’re totally swooning. If you’re a woman and you’re alive, chances are you’ve been hit on by a Pickup Artist (commonly known as PUAs), by this method known as “negging.”
I always thought of PUAs as nightclub prowlers, dressed like they rummaged through a clown’s closet, decked out in Ed Hardy, looking like a cross between Steven Tyler and The Situation from “Jersey Shore.” I often wondered, Who are these supposed women who found men donning sparkly scarves, multiple rings, and fingerless, leather gloves attractive? I imagine they are the same types of women who still think George Michael is straight. I thought of PUAs as full of canned come-ons, the smell of desperation wafting off of them like bad cologne. Their core problem, I analyzed, was lack of confidence. Common sense would dictate that secure men don’t need a script to approach women. Can you imagine Bill Clinton or Don Draper using PUA methods? I don’t think so.
As you may have deduced from my tone, I always looked down on PUAs and their slimy methods. Which is why I couldn’t stop myself from signing up for a class entitled “Pickup a 10 in the Streets of NYC.” At first I was just curious; I wanted to know what makes these guys tick. I imagined myself as a spy on a reconnaissance mission, collecting information from the enemy. Or like Sigourney Weaver in “Gorillas in the Mist,” studying the species’ every move. Keep reading »
The Frisky HQ is under construction for the next couple of days so I was planning on working from home. Then yesterday, my internet crapped out and I found myself running to the local coffee shop in my pajamas. Six hours later, I was still sitting in my pajamas. It was an interesting day. There was a blind date that I eavesdropped on for a while. I thought that would be the subject of this week’s Dating Don’ts. Then the Boston Marathon bombing happened and the mood turned dark. I sat in silence for a while, watching CNN. My roommate was next to me, because she had the day off of work to study for a grad school exam. She eventually interrupted the silence to confess that she’s been watching that new show “Ready For Love.” Someone needed to cut the tension.
I laughed. But she was like, “Don’t laugh! They had this whole bit about how you should never say the word ‘fart’ on a date. It was interesting.” Then we got into an in-depth discussion about bodily functions and dating. Because these are the things that people sometimes talk about when terrible things happen in the world. Keep reading »
This morning, I opened Facebook to see that, like usual, I only had one notification and it was from my mom. No complaints! My mom is actually a lot cooler than me and her posts are generally worth a look. This one was no exception. It was Thom Yorke and Nigel Godrich of Atoms for Peace, appearing on Rookie Mag’s“Ask A Grown Man” video series. The teens’ questions are delightfully honest and the answers’ relevance reaches well beyond its target audience. This video is a lovely antidote for anyone in a dating malaise. [Rookie Mag]
About two years ago, I was going through a dating crisis of I’m-going-to-die-alone proportions and sought help from a therapist who specialized in that sort of thing. She gave me all these rules I should be following to help me find love. Like, she told me I should date at least three guys at once and tell each of the guys on date number two that I was dating other people. Then, she instructed me to wait for two to three months and decide which one I liked the best and dump the other two. This is not something I ever would have considered doing on my own, but because I was blaming myself for being single, I was willing to try it her way. Following her advice, I cancelled plans with guy #1 — who I really liked — because guy #2 had asked me out for a drink and I felt obligated. I arrived at the “date” with guy #2 only to discover that without even asking me, he had invited 12 of his closest friends to join us. Long story short (because the rest is pretty lame), the night ended with me crying in a cab on the way home from Brooklyn feeling like poop about myself because even following an expert’s rules, I couldn’t date “right.” Keep reading »
According to a study published in Psychology Today, the place we should all be going to find the love of our lives is Walmart. The study, which polled the 100 most recent Craigslist “Missed Connections” in 15 states, found that people in Texas, Florida, Ohio, Montana and North Carolina named Walmart most frequently as the place where they had fallen in love at first sight.
If shopping at Walmart isn’t really your vibe because you don’t support the company’s politics, other popular “Missed Connection” spots included McDonald’s, the grocery store, bars, the gym and for the folks of NYC, the subway. So basically, this very important study concludes: You can meet people if you go out in public!
I’m eager to make a snarky joke about how love at first site doesn’t exist, and “Missed Connections” are a form of fantasy, however, I basically fell in love at first sight on the subway. So, I’m forced to swallow my own cynicism. But I still won’t shop at Walmart. [CNN]
Dating sucks, even when you’ve got the streetwise wisdom and looks of Joan Holloway. From Roger Sterling to Greg the rapey doctor to her will-they-or-won’t-they? moments with Don Draper, we’ve watched Joan fight like a lioness on her hunt for love. And, man, has she had to! I know I’ve watched “Mad Men” over the years and been consoled at the thought, Well, if even Joan gets wrapped up in relationship drama …
Joan gets a lot of one-liners on the show. Some of those zingers are about sex and dating, but others are dating tips that are good for anybody if you read them the right way. Fix yourself a stiff drink and find out what Joanie has to say has to say about your love life!
I must admit, as much as I adored both options presented in last week’s “You Choose It, We Write It” — and would have and will happily write both — I was especially eager to write one in particular. So thank you to all of you who voted, especially the 55 percent who voted for the winner, “9 Things Spock Would Say About Dating.” I am, after all, a bit of a Trekkie and was sure that the Content Idea Generator was on to something with this idea. And boy, was I right. Spock is officially my dating guru. Click on to read some of his completely logical pearls of relationship wisdom, and may your dating life live long and prosper.