“You’re not allowed to talk about sex in Ireland. The last four boyfriends I’ve had, their mothers have refused to meet me because I wrote articles about sex. Now I have a rule: I don’t go out with anyone whose mother isn’t dead.”
– Okay, so Sinead O’Connor is a little nuts. But tell me this isn’t good advice for us sex writers. Just date men who don’t have mothers who can Google!
(But real talk, Sinead? I don’t think these mothers wouldn’t meet you because you wrote articles about sex. They wouldn’t meet you because you wrote about sex with a yam.) [Irish Central] [Photo: Splash News]
So, I’ve still been thinking a lot about the New York Times’ assertion that courtship has kicked the bucket. I jotted down some thoughts about that. You can read them here. One point that the piece makes that I agree with is that lots of daters out there — men and women both — are unclear about the difference between a date and a non-date. Let’s review a few “dating experiences” cited in the piece… Keep reading »
Earlier this morning, I was reading a piece on How About We’s blog The Date Report about men who are “serial daters” thanks to the ease of online dating web sites. Blogger Justin Rocket Silverman wrote about a piece in The Atlantic by Dan Slater called “A Million First Dates” which argues that online dating allows people the ability to act like kids in a candy store. Some men feel they can easily discard women or brush off getting dumped , because there’s always the chance someone “better” is waiting for them online (AKA “Bigger-Better Syndrome”). Keep reading »
Okay, I’m pretty sure that the UK’s Daily Mail just makes shit up. But I am fairly sure that chivalry died one morning a month ago, when a man shoved me out of the way at the subway station to run up the stairs ahead of me. So even if this Daily Mail piece claiming “research” suggests women are suspicious of chivalrous men because our manners have coarsened so much is bullshit, I’m included to believe there’s an element of truth to it. Keep reading »
Let’s say you and your significant other are having an issue—one that isn’t a relationship killer, but is serious enough that it can’t be ignored. How do you deal with it?
Here’s what I do: I go into a mental huddle. I sit down, by myself, and I replay the situation in my head. I think about what exactly I might be frustrated with, what would need to happen for this frustration to go away, and what steps I can take to get myself there. Next, I think about what the issue might be for her, what exactly she might be frustrated with, and what an acceptable solution might be for her. From there, I decide how best to tackle the issue. Only then am I ready to talk about it. Keep reading »
It’s not your fault he cheated. (Guys, same goes for you. It’s not your fault she cheated.) Cheating is not the fault of the cheatee. Are we all clear on that? You didn’t cause it. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it. Yes, it was probably a symptom of a problem in the relationship, but cheating is not the appropriate way to handle such problems. People who cheat are selfish cowards.
I say this as a person who cheated once. I’m not proud of it. It happened when I was much younger, when I was too scared to talk about the doubts I was having about the relationship. It wasn’t my boyfriend’s fault. He did nothing wrong. I was the asshole with the bad coping skills. I’ve grown up since then. I’ve learned how to talk about my feelings. I would never cheat on anyone again because I understand why it’s not the right thing to do. It doesn’t solve any problems, it only creates more. I don’t consider myself a dishonest person for having cheated, but I do think I was a misguided person at the time.
I’m making this confession, not for sympathy, but in response to this article I came across called “10 Ways To Keep Him From Cheating.” Making it even more offensive is the fact that this piece was written by a licensed relationship counselor. She says:
“Most men do not cheat because they don’t love you anymore. Men cheat because they want more variety in their sex lives. Some complain of being bored. They want to feel adored by their partners; they want to assert their freedom; they are tired of disappointing you; they want a partner who places them at the center of their life, and they no longer feel like the priority in yours.”
Keep reading »
I’m not big on the whole New Year’s resolution thing, but I do make a point to clean house every January. This year, my house is single. So, while I’m hiatusing, I am giving my outlook on singledom a scrub down. That means I am getting into every nook and cranny of negativity and trying to approach love from a place of abundance rather than a place of scarcity. In simple terms: I am putting the kibosh on single, self-flagellation. Starting with those played out lines I hear myself, and some of my friends saying. We don’t have to push ourselves to be coupled, but goddammit, at the very least, let’s push ourselves to stop being so cliche. Keep reading »
Let’s talk for a minute about the “friendzone.”
Don’t worry, fellas, this isn’t a lecture. It’s an advice column, because there is something you deserve to know: There is a very simple, nigh-foolproof way to avoid ending up in the situation that that exceptionally loaded word describes.
And I will tell you what it is. Keep reading »
Daters of the Friskyverse, I have been tossing around the idea of writing about dating resolutions for the New Year. And then I thought, Nah. Last year, my resolution was to make the first move. I did. We dated for a while and then broke up. We’re still friends. Resolution accomplished. Good for me. I’m sure you’re planning to make some dating resolutions of your own, aren’t you? Or maybe you’re not. Maybe you’re bitter about dating right now. I wouldn’t blame you if you were. It’s fucking hard.
I decided to go in a different direction this week. I wanted to take a moment to say thank you to all of you who’ve read this column in the past year. I want you to know that it means a lot to me. It’s really difficult to write about your dating life in a public forum — especially when you’re trying to muddle through it yourself. I get so wrapped up in all of the emotions and trying to process them and getting over my insecurities enough to write about them that sometimes I forget anyone reads this column. (Or, at least, it’s easier to tell myself that no one reads so I don’t freak out every week.) Keep reading »
There was a recent article in The Atlantic about Paris Syndrome, a real psychological disorder that occurs when tourists realize that the City of Light isn’t as grandiose as they expected it to be. According to the piece, the syndrome has afflicted at least 20 victims this year, most of them Japanese tourists. One even had to be flown back home under medical supervision.
Paris Syndrome manifests itself differently in different people, but amongst the most common symptoms are acute delusions, hallucinations, dizziness, sweating, and feelings of persecution. The shock of coming to grips with a city that is indifferent to their presence and looks nothing like their imagination launches tourists into a psychological tailspin.
FASCINATING. I was just in Paris (for the second time) and was nothing short of completely wooed by the city. It exceeded all of my expectations. However, the description of the disorder sounded eerily familiar to me. Why? Oh, because that’s how I feel when I date. Keep reading »