When I was in my early 30s, I started examining the data: Many years of unrequited crushes, mediocre dates and jittery mini-relationships that started off great but soured fast. I just seemed to suck at love.
I figured it must be me—after all, plenty of other women managed to find guys who they happily took to their parents’ houses and spent Sundays reading the paper with. So what was my problem?
As a journalist who frequently reported stories about relationships and personal growth, I interviewed a lot of experts, who had many theories about why some people have a hard time finding romantic partners. I studied their advice and began an ambitious self-renovation project so that I too could find love. My task list included the following: Keep reading »
Technically, there are four seasons, but I like to think of Winter and The Holidays as two distinct entities. The Holidays are their own special thing — a whirlwind of lights and fun and being hungover at the office on a Wednesday. The Holidays end with a splash, making a champagne fountain and entering the New Year clutching the hands of your friends, or making out with that dude you winked at, then cornered at midnight. After the dust settles, the fog lifts, everyone starts to make their way back to their regularly scheduled lives — that is Winter.
Winter is long, it is the interminable darkness of three to four months until Memorial Day weekend. Winter is losing gloves on the subway and runny noses, and spending time alone because it’s too cold to get anyone to leave their house. Winter is a time for introspection, reflection, eating a lot of cookies, and falling into a state of weird, depressive hermitude that may lead you to consider the Winter Boyfriend. Keep reading »
A new survey discovered what we’ve known since our middle school boyfriend bought us an ugly-as-fuck but well-intentioned heart bracelet: despite their most focused efforts, the majority of men suck at picking out presents. According to research done by StyleCard, this year, about 42 percent of women are stuck with a holiday gift from their S.O. that they don’t want. Ladies, we feel your pain. Keep reading »
Theres something about twinkly lights and snowflakes falling on a hushed street that can send even the most confident woman into a free-fall, scrambling for the nearest warm body to spend the holidays with. This time of year lends itself nicely to reflection, to family, to untold amounts of love and cheer and wassailing, but can also very easily be horribly, awfully depressing. If you find yourself pushing through throngs of rosy-cheeked, hand holding couples stopping to kiss under every available sprig of mistletoe, don’t despair. Don’t get mired in the “woe-is-me-I-need-a-man” blues.This is a time for reflection, but it’s also the best present the universe could ever give you — built in downtime, for you to think about what you want and how you want it. Keep reading »
I had a drink with a friend the other night who spent the entire time pouting as he regaled me with the latest details of his most recent failure in the dating world. “Girls don’t like me because they don’t like nice guys!” he said. “Girls only like assholes. No one ever wants to date me because I’m too nice,” he whined.
I’ve had this conversation multiple times with lots of my guy friends, and the one thing I always tell them is this: women do like nice guys, because no one wants to be with a jerk, but there’s a difference between being a Nice Guy and being a guy who is nice. Recognizing the difference between the two is key. Keep reading »
My boyfriend Nick and I met when we were in high school, but we didn’t start dating officially until college. Part of the reason for that was my extreme resistance to the idea of being labeled “high school sweethearts.” I knew I loved Nick within a few weeks of first meeting him, but the idea of our relationship falling under the HSS label was mortifying to me, especially coming from a small town where HSS marriages were something of a way of life. I wanted to move away and have a glamorous career; settling down with the boy who sat three desks down from me in computer science class was not part of my plan. Nick wanted to get serious right away, but I was so afraid of becoming a cliche that I enforced a strict, “We’re just friends” rule until the day after graduation, when I finally kissed him and said, “OK, let’s do this.” I believed this technicality (we were a whopping 24 hours past the high school sweetheart deadline!) would save us from a lifetime of HSS comments. Smooth, right?
Alas, my plan didn’t really work. Whenever I tell people Nick and I have been together for nine years, they ask how old I am, they do the mental math, and then a goofy grin comes over their face as they start clapping and chanting, “High school sweethearts! High school sweethearts!” Sigh.
Obviously I have no regrets about sticking with Nick — I mean, I met the guy of my dreams early in life, how lucky am I? — but as our relationship has progressed, I’ve noticed a few unexpected drawbacks that don’t affect couples who met later in life… Keep reading »