Six years ago, I couldn’t get a real date to save my life. I blamed nearly all of that on my size and used weight as a shield to deflect getting rejected. When you’re overweight you come up with all kinds of reason why dating sucks, like “guys are such jerks! They won’t even LOOK at you if you’re not a size 2!” or my favorite“Whatever, I just want a guy to value ME for ME — not how I look.”
But let’s be real here — if you’re overweight and single, it can feel like there’s no hope in the world for finding a person that madly, truly, deeply loves YOU. Yes, even ALL of you.
Dating while being overweight isn’t a death-sentence to single-dom at all, so here are 5 rules for curvy women who want pure dating mastery! And for added intrigued I’ve personally used all these rules in my dating life, which lead to one helluva man to put a ring on it. Read more on Your Tango…
It’s our first date and I literally don’t care about your college major, or how long you’ve been in the city. I don’t care if you only drink aged whiskey or how lame you thought new Superman movie was. Please stop talking about your favorite hockey team and how it’s such a small world because we both know so-and-so. Please, please, please stop rambling about any information I’ve already stalked on your Facebook and Linkedin pages. Can’t we just skip all the bullshit small talk and have a real conversation. There’s some stuff I’m dying to know about you, but I’m not Nell. I wasn’t raised in an isolated cabin, so I know better. But here’s what questions you could answer that would make this happy hour a lot more valuable (for me, at least): Keep reading »
In my eight year stint as a single person, I became very proficient at dating and breaking up. I learned how to flirt, I became skilled at meeting men both on and offline, I developed coping mechanisms for making it through horrendous first dates, I came to understand how not to take rejection personally, I honed in on what I was looking for rather than who was looking for me and I came up with a protocol for moving on with as little emotional scarring as possible when things didn’t work out. (And I typically didn’t expect them too.) These were all incredibly difficult and, at times, painful skills to master, but I think I just about had them under control. And then a bout of dating fatigue and a stroke of dumb luck later and the thing that I thought would never happen for me happened — I was in a serious relationship faster then I could say DATING SUCKS. After the first few moments of being annoyingly in love (I still am), I found myself with my back up against an OH FUCK wall. Keep reading »
Breakups are brutal, and we rarely end a relationship with all of our feelings, regrets and issues off our chest. Instead, we’re left with a tornado of confusing emotions accumulating debris inside of us, potentially setting off some really bad decision-making. The post-breakup email would be at the top of that list. It’s totally understandable to want to send one last email — either for closure or answers or to explain yourself, but more often, as a medium for your residual hurt and anger. While all of those reasons seem really valid, you have to let go of the idea that sending the email will make you feel better. It most certainly won’t. DO NOT SEND A POST-BREAKUP EMAIL. Let me repeat that. DO NOT HIT SEND.
The only person who really gets hurt by sending out that post-breakup email is you. Unless your ex is a straight up sociopath, he already feels bad about breaking your heart, but sending a bitchy/snarky/sympathy-seeking/guilt-tripping/nailing-ass-to-wall email just lets him off the hook.You might think having the last word will make him feel worse, but in fact, they will actually make him feel better. Any negative feelings he had about you — you just validated them when you hit send. Keep reading »
“I’m just not going to date for awhile,” is a frequent refrain I hear from my clients. There’s often a lack of enthusiasm and resolve in the delivery, signaling ambivalence. You’re probably familiar with the idea of burnout with respect to repetitive, boring jobs, or highly stressful work situations. Fatigue and a lack of interest in your work are among the signs. Actually, you can burnout on almost anything, including dating. These are the telltale signs of dating burnout and strategies to avoid it:
1. Lackluster interest in new dates. You must begin to ask yourself why you’re pursuing someone at all if you can barely muster the enthusiasm to get ready. Or perhaps you’ve lowered the bar too much and your dates really aren’t interesting. It’s time to focus on something else. Read more on Your Tango…
There are many differences between men and women, both in the way we’re designed physically and the way we process things emotionally. And I’m sure you’ve noticed that the way we view relationships is also very different. The main problem in a lot of relationships is women don’t know what men want.
While the differences may seem vast, they’re pretty simple when you break it down. Once you can understand them, you’ll have a much easier time understanding your guy and making your relationship even more amazing.
I want to preface this by saying that I know there are exceptions but for the sake of clarification, I’m going to be speaking about the way men and women are in general.
In general, the appeal of a relationship for a women is the relationship. Women naturally gravitate towards the idea of marriage and see it as highly appealing. An ideal relationship for a woman is one where she feels understood and connected to her significant other. An ideal man is one who truly understands her. Read more on A New Mode…
As if dating wasn’t hard enough – you throw in a portable, typed-word machine and suddenly it’s pandemonium. Tones, intentions, invitations all get jumbled in this lawless land of shorthand communication. Suddenly the guy you’re dating’s “C u later” message means he’s dumping you when he really just wanted to let you know he’d see you at 8p.m. for Chinese food.
Oh texting, how you make things much, much more complicated than they have any right to be. I can’t tell you the hours my friends and I have spent reciting, decrypting, bemoaning, and conjuring up an honors thesis on a five-word text message.
Personally, I don’t like to be too harsh a judge on a guy’s texting style if I don’t really him. Everyone has their faults, after all. But there are some serious warning signs in the form of text messages. Below, the types of texters who warrant anything from healthy skepticism to restraining orders: Keep reading »
Last year for Father’s Day, we ran a series of interviews with real-life dads divulging their wisdom on raising independent, vibrant girls. Dads Raising Daughters turned out really lovely, so I’m making a fledgling Frisky tradition of it! This year for fatherly parenting advice, I turned to Josh, who has two girls ages eight and five; Jim, who has a nine-year-old; and James, whose daughter is three.
First up, what these dads want to teach their daughters about love and dating… Keep reading »
Navigating the courtship process with someone famous is nothing like the movie “Win A Date With Tad Hamilton.” Josh Duhamel and Kate Bosworth made it look easy and adorable. It’s not. It’s confusing and weird. I know because I’m dating a celebrity.
We’ll call him Clarence because nobody is really called Clarence. Here’s the long and short of how we met: over the last nine years since he broke onto the scene as an actor, I had seen most of his movies. He was talented, and cute from the right angle, but tends to be typecast as the “sweet sidekick” or “nerdy friend,” so Hollywood had conditioned me to not to swoon over him. In interviews, however, he always spoke with a quick, sensitive and intelligent wit that kind of blew me away. So, when I ran into him in a bar and we somehow wound up in a conversation, it’s safe to say I was intimidated. But the conversation was amazing. However, famous guys talk to every girl, in every bar, every night, so I thought nothing of it. Keep reading »
“Most women would not be happy being me. People say, ‘But you’re alone.’ But I don’t feel alone. I feel very un-alone. I feel very sparkly and excited about everything. I know women who are going, like, ‘I don’t want to grow old alone.’ And I’m like, ‘See, that doesn’t scare me.’ Because I’ll never be alone. I’ll always be surrounded by people. I’m like the crystal ball and these are all the rings of Saturn around me. … My generation fought very hard for feminism, and we fought very hard to not be labeled as you had to have a husband or you had to be in a relationship, or you were somehow not a cool chick. And now I’m seeing that start to come around again, where people say to you, ‘Well, what do you mean you don’t have a boyfriend? You don’t want to have one? You don’t want to be married?’ And you’re like, ‘Well, no, I don’t, actually. I’m fine.’ And they find a lot of reasons why you’re not fine. But it just seems to be coming back. Being able to take care of myself is something that my mom really instilled in me. I can remember her always saying, ‘If nothing else, I will teach you to be independent.’”
– Some of Stevie Nicks‘ life choices might not be ones we’d make for ourselves. That permanent hole in her nose she got from snorting so much cocaine? No thanks! But when it comes to being happy with being single and independent and surrounding herself with friends so she doesn’t need a man, Stevie’s a veritable guru. Being able to take care of yourself and be independent is one of those life skills they don’t teach in school, but totally should. [NYmag.com] [Photo: New York magazine]