Tag Archives: dating tip

Dating Don’ts: Is Chivalry Dead? Maybe It Should Be

Dating Don'ts: Is Chivalry Dead? Maybe It Should Be
I Like Chivalry
On Jessica's newfound respect for men who behave chivalrously. Read More »

I’ve never been one for chivalry. I prefer to do things my way, and take pride in my own ability to lift things that are heavy, open doors on my own and find my coat in a sea of bodies and sad down jackets at a crowded bar. I’ve been with men who are completely unchivalrous, men who I’ve had to kick in the shins to lift a finger to help me carry an air conditioner up the stairs, and I’ve been with men who have fallen over themselves to get the door for me, even though I was already in the process of opening it. There’s a finesse to the art, a way of doing things that falls in between a fawning obsequiousness and a genuine gesture, bred of genteel manners and a different way of living.

There’s a fine line between chivalry and common courtesy. Holding a door open for someone who’s hands are full is good home training. Giving your seat up for a pregnant woman on the bus is good home training. Helping me into my coat at a restaurant is unnecessary, awkward and assumes that deep down, you are unconfident in my ability to put on my own outerwear when the fact of the matter is I have been dressing myself for longer than we’ve been acquainted. I understand that this is a gesture of kindness, but I view it as a harbinger of times past — and quite frankly, the past is where it should stay. Keep reading »

Life After Dating: Bitter, Party Of One

Life After Dating: Bitter, Party Of One

A few years ago, I had a Big, Terrible Breakup. I’d been living with a guy, whom I loved, wanted to marry and raise kids with. He wanted those things, too, until he didn’t. I hadn’t seen the split coming and felt completely gobsmacked.

I turned around, reactivated my OKCupid profile, and began dating immediately. That turned out to not be such a good idea. I thought I needed to distract myself (and considering I had moved back in with my parents, part of me did need to distract myself) but what I really needed was to heal. Alas, even though I was not ready to date yet in the grander scheme of things, dipping my toe back in the waters showed me there were lots other guys out there. It took me a couple months to admit that there could be someone out there better for me than Ex-Mr. Jessica. But my acceptance wasn’t necessarily due to anything particularly convincing he said while we were breaking up; it came from meeting other guys online who, in integral ways, seemed like they’d be a better fit.

That’s not to say that I limped off my injury gracefully. Not much at all, in fact. I passed many, many months during 2011 mired in bitterness — hurt, resentful, and very angry. Keep reading »

Seduce Him Like It’s The 17th Century: Dating Dos And Don’ts From Hot Bitches In History

In a world filled with online dating, Tinder, Facebook messages, one-night stands, speed dating, match-making and good old-fashioned true love, where’s a hot bitch to turn to for solid dating advice? Well, why not history? Sure, names and dates and technology changes over time, but human nature doesn’t.  If we look back at some hot bitches in history, we can figure out timeless ways to turn a hottie’s head or learn from the devastating mistakes of breakups gone by.

[Illustration of 17th century couple via Shutterstock]

Dating Don’ts: The Importance Of Independence

Dating Don'ts: LDR
Dating-Don'ts--How-To-Do-The-Adult-Long-Distance-Relationship
How to do an LDR as an adult. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Island
Dating Dont's: Relationship Island
Why your single friends don't want to join you on Relationship Island... Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Texters
13 Types Of Texters To Weary Of
These types of texters are worth being weary of. Read More »
Dating-Don’ts--The-Importance-of-Independence

My ex-boyfriend’s parents have been married for years, but they sleep in separate beds. At first, I found this practice strange, a manifestation of a marriage that no longer had the sparkle, one that had become more comfortable and practical than anything else.

I was wrong.

His parents were, in fact, perfectly content, deeply comfortable and happy with each other. Theirs was a long-lasting and functional marriage that ran smoothly on a combination of the comfort of knowing someone very well for a very long time, and the glorious amount of independence they each shared. His mother, an avid fly-fisher and traveller, spent a lot of time out of the country, exploring the world in her retirement. His father disliked travel, and preferred curling up with a good spy novel and the 49ers. She went on her trips, he read his books, and they were happier for it. For me, they were an example of pure success, something to aspire to, the best way to be together and independent. Keep reading »

14 Times Our Boyfriends Thought They Were Doing Us A Favor

Oh, boyfriends. While they might always have our best interests at heart, sometimes their adorable efforts to please miss the mark in an epic fashion. Of course we appreciate all the little things they do for us, but when those “favors” include things like putting our favorite dark wash jeans in the dryer or whipping us up a surprise meal that blows our calorie allowance for the month, well, it doesn’t really feel like a favor anymore. Are their happy, “Look what I did for you!” faces totally worth it? Yes, but that doesn’t mean we don’t miss the perfect fit of those jeans. Here are a few examples of kind gestures from boyfriends that, for a variety of reasons, failed to impress. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: How To Do The Adult Long-Distance Relationship

Dating Don'ts:Dinner
Dating Don'ts: 4 Things You Can Learn From Your Dinner Date
You can learn a lot from going out to dinner with someone. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Travel
The DOs and DONT's of travel hookups. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Driftwood
Dating Don'ts: Where There Is Driftwood
Where there is driftwood, there are better relationships. Read More »
Dating-Don'ts--How-To-Do-The-Adult-Long-Distance-Relationship

Say you meet a handsome stranger one night in the corner of a dark bar. He’s visiting from somewhere else, but something clicks and all of a sudden it’s on. After a whirlwind week where you manage to cram in a months’ worth of getting to know you, he leaves, back to his life and you to yours. The inevitable ennui sets in, but before you chalk this up to another fling with no staying power, do yourself a favor: Consider the adult long-distance relationship.   Keep reading »

Life After Dating: 10 “Dumb” Fights (And What They’re Really About)

10 Dumb Fights And What They Really Mean

So you’ve finally found The One (or at least The One For The Foreseeable Future) and you’ve committed to a serious relationship. Now what? In our weekly column, Life After Dating, women discuss the unique joys and challenges of coupledom.

One of the sad, strange realities about being a couple is that no matter how committed you are to getting along, you will find yourselves fighting about the most seemingly insignificant things. Trust us, even people in the most evolved and tranquil relationships bicker about dirty socks not making it into the hamper. And although they are hard-pressed to admit it, they once had a full-on blowout about the “slightly judgmental tone” one of them used to talk about the other’s best friend. On the surface, conflicts like this might seem trivial and meaningless. But what if that dumb fight isn’t so dumb after all? What if, in the midst of yelling at each other about the way one of you flosses your teeth too frequently (or not often enough), you pause and realize this isn’t really about flossing technique at all, it’s actually about control issues you inherited from your mother? Yikes. Here are some examples of common dumb fights and what they might actually be about… Keep reading »

A Great Way To Mourn Guys Who’ve Ghosted

A-Great-Way-To-Mourn-The-Guys-Who've-Ghosted

When your Tinder date stands you up , or God forbid, the guy you’ve been dating disappears into thin air, it can be mind-boggling to try to figure out what went wrong. Closure is an important thing to have when it comes to dating, and since ghosters rarely are able to provide it, you have to find alternative ways to give your feelings a proper burial. (I’ve tried everything from writing an un-sent letter to performing some weird-ass “letting go” ritual. Hey, whatever works.) Add another option to that list: write an obituary for him. Because the best thing for your sanity (and your ego) is to assume that he died and that’s why he’s not returning your multiple calls and text messages. All other options lead directly to self-blame. Buzzfeed made some sample obituaries for hot guys who disappeared accompanied by whimsical illustrations. Finally, a positive way to channel your rage. [Buzzfeed]

Dating Don’ts: 4 Things You Can Learn From Your Dinner Date

Dating Don'ts: Honesty
Dating-Don'ts--Honesty-Is-Relative
It's relative... Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Meet-Cute
Dating-Don'ts-How-The-Meet-Cute-Is-Ruining-Your-Love-Life
The meet-cute is dangerous. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: First Dates
Dating-Don'ts--4-First-Date-Tips-For-People-Who-Don't-Do-It-That-Often
Tips for those who don't date too often. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: 4 Things You Can Learn From Your Dinner Date

There are a lot of great ways to get to know somebody, but none are as efficient and satisfying as going out to eat with a person. I’m someone who takes food very seriously — cooking for people I care about is truly one of my favorite things to do, and as someone who eschews the traditional “did he call after a day or two days and what does it all mean?” school of thought when it comes to dating, I use other barometers to measure relationship success. Keep reading »

Life After Dating: People Who Say They Would Change Nothing About Their Partner Are Lying

Life-After-Dating--People-Who-Say-They-Would-Change-Noting-About-Their-Partner-Are-Lying

So you’ve finally found The One (or at least The One For The Foreseeable Future) and you’ve committed to a serious relationship. Now what? In our weekly column, Life After Dating, women discuss the unique joys and challenges of coupledom.

When I was single and dating people who were definitely not right for me, I would often go to coupled friends for advice. They’d respond to my list of complaints that “he didn’t like to read books” or “he wanted to spend an unnatural amount of time with his guy friends, is he gay?” with platitudes like, “When you love someone you accept them exactly as they are” or “I wouldn’t change a thing about so and so.”

I took them at their word, thinking that when I was dating the right person someday, all of his flaws and all of my impulses to want to change or fix would magically fade away. I am finally dating the right person and can say with certainty that my coupled friends weren’t giving it to me straight. Perhaps they were simplifying it for me in a way that I could understand, or maybe they were lying. Either way, I think it’s less about accepting your partner’s inability to be on time, or his habit of making pasta at 2 a.m., and more that your love for him allows you to overlook these foibles. Because, let’s face it, you are anal about street clothes making contact with your sheets, you watch TV at a terribly loud volume and you might have an issue with hoarding beauty supplies. You are so grateful that he overlooks these things. Keep reading »

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