Of all the ugly emotions out there, jealousy has to be one of the worst. It can feel childish, petty and almost like a primal rage. But it’s also inescapable; jealousy is almost like an epic equalizer, because everybody feels it now and then. On the path toward emotional growth, jealousy is one of the hardest hurdles to take on because it seem like such an out-of-control, counterproductive emotion, but it can be used for good. Whether it’s competitive jealousy with friends and acquaintances or the kind of jealousy that inches its way into monogamous relationships, this crummy feeling can take us to the emotional maturity level of a 7th grader with the snap of a finger. We can’t just make it disappear, but we can find ways to handle it like (semi) grown-ups. Keep reading »
He seemed sweet at first. In fact, he had many sweet moments. But then there was the other stuff …
Abusive behavior isn’t as simple as we, as a society, want it to be. We often think that the kinds of signs that tell you a man could be abusive are very obvious. We imagine monsters, overtly misogynist thugs. We think of extreme physical violence as being the key – or the only – signifier. But often the violence doesn’t start until a relationship is already established – sometimes not until after a woman has moved in with her boyfriend, marries him, or becomes pregnant. In fact, the leading cause of death in pregnant women is domestic homicide, which is to say they are killed by their intimate partners. If we limit our understanding of abusive behavior to physical violence, we risk ignoring other red flags we should be heeding. Keep reading »
Last week, I went on my first date with Jack, the young publicist I met through work. And after I tell you all what occurred on that date, I’m confident you will understand why my first date with Jack was also our last.
After taking the initiative to ask Jack out, I figured I’d let him take the reins and plan our first date. We agreed to get together after work and didn’t have a game plan, so we decided to just play it by ear. He met me by the steps of the New York City Public Library and was as cute as I remembered, but slightly younger looking (which was probably just my subconscious reminding me that I was a cradle robber). He suggested we go grab some coffee and then maybe a bite to eat afterwards, depending on how we felt. On our walk to get caffeinated, he said, “I’m glad you asked me out. I like seeing a proactive woman who isn’t afraid to make the first move.” We were off to a great start. Keep reading »
To give you all an update, my Stage Five Clinger is still clinging. After several days without hearing from him, which was of course the desired result from our very matter-of-fact chat, he sent me a message over the weekend that said “Hey, thinking of you and thought I’d say hi.” I obviously completely ignored his text and and am crossing my fingers that he gets the hint. Besides, I have another prospect in my sights who happens to be far less creepy. Oh, and did I mention he’s also quite a bit younger? Keep reading »
Like everybody else in America, I decided to jump on the World Cup bandwagon last week and headed to a bar after work to catch a game with friends. When one of my girlfriends showed up with a few of her co-workers, I noticed that I’d caught the eye of one of her colleagues. Well over six feet tall, he was muscular, well-dressed and had a nice smile, but I wouldn’t say I was necessarily attracted to him. After very obviously staring at me and not at the TV for the next 30 minutes, Ken headed my way and started making small talk. He seemed funny, nice and attentive, so when he gave me his number at the end of the game, I intended on shooting him a text the next day, and maybe even going out on a date with him if things continued to go well. Spoiler: they did not. Keep reading »
When I broke up with my ex about a month ago, I was determined to rebound as quickly as possible. No wallowing this time; it was over and I was moving on.
It was almost too convenient that I was presented with an immediate distraction. Jack was someone I’d known for years; we were never super close, but he’s part of a circle of friends I’ve known since high school. I’d lusted after him for years, too. About four years ago, I even asked my boyfriend at the time permission to make out with Jack, just to “get it out of my system.” My boyfriend said “no,” alas, and so the pining continued. The timing had just never been right.
Until now. Keep reading »