Here is a confession — though I write a dating column, and have for quite some time, I’m not currently dating anyone right now. The last relationship I was in was about two years ago, and in the time between then and now, there have been plenty of dates, but nothing has stuck. Dating in general isn’t hard, but it takes work, energy, time that could be used doing hundreds of other things, like learning how to weave or baking all the bread you eat yourself, or creating a rooftop garden out of two sad planters and a handful of seeds. The way we choose to spend our time is our choice alone, not something to be judged, and not something that we should feel ashamed of. I know this. As a person who willfully chooses to spend many nights trawling beauty blogs on the internet and conducting deep, vast research on the best pink lipstick for my exact skin tone and coloring, I know that the way I spend my time could be spent better, but I know that the choice to spend time on really anything is mine alone. That’s why I’m perfectly comfortable coming out and saying it — right now, I’m choosing to focus on my career instead of finding a partner. Keep reading »
My best friend is a woman. My best friend in college was a woman. In fact, a majority of my closest friends since college have been women. And this presents a problem in my dating life.
There isn’t one single reason why I have more female friends than male ones and if you looked at my weekly activities, it would seem strange that I don’t have more male friends. Every weekend I enjoy traditionally masculine, rip-my-chest-hair-out activities, like hockey and football. Yet it’s my female friends who I tend to call when I want to go out.
For starters, I do have a somewhat functional brain that is capable of functioning independently of my penis (albeit the little guy does occasionally develop a Napoleon complex). This has led to several of my close female friends starting out as love interests. Others I met while on my college’s ski team. Additionally, there is the fact that most of the closest male friends I had in college were the earliest to get married and have kids. Keep reading »
It’s been six days since Scar Twin broke up with me.
Everything had been going well until one day last week, it all just … changed. In the beginning of the week, Scar Twin had warned me about his crazy work schedule and how he was going to be busy most nights preparing for the long weekend, so when his texts became scarce and his “just because” phone calls suddenly stopped, I tried to convince myself he was just stressed and busy. But after a couple days of short, lifeless text messages and no mention of getting together over Labor Day weekend, I started to worry that things had taken a bad turn. Keep reading »
Welcome to our new weekly column Dater XY! Our anonymous MALE dater will be revealing the adventures and misadventures of finding love from a dude’s point of view. Let’s give him a big welcome!
With a high of four degrees and over a foot of snow, the weather was not fit for man nor beast. But I had a date, so off I went into the icy cold. I’d met The Teacher through an online dating site, like so many of us do these days. I had sent her a message to see if she wanted to share a drink, she accepted, and we met at one of my favorite restaurants.
Over dinner, we chatted about the usual first date things: where we were from, how long we’ve been in the city, music we like, if we enjoyed our meals, etc. The more we talked, the more our chemistry grew. Of course, the chemistry could have been the Malbec. But judging by the smiles on our faces, The Teacher and I had something more. After a few hours of flirtatious and witty banter, we paid our check and I walked her to a cab. Our next date was set in two weeks and I was a happy guy. Keep reading »
This week, I found myself in a position with Scar Twin that I’ve never been in before (and no, I’m not talking about sexual positions— that’s a story for another day). Anyway, as many of you know, my last long-term relationship ended about four years ago when Patrick Bateman decided to have two girlfriends and two lives in two different states. Since then, I’ve found myself on an endless carousel ride of courtships lasting approximately two months each before things turn to shit. During those short-lived romances, the issue of money never really came up. And then, this week, it did. Keep reading »
I know, I know, you’ve all been waiting with bated breath to find out if Scar Twin and I got it on. And BOY, DID WE.
You see, after I quite cathartically wrote to you all about my dilemma last week, it became evident to me that the real reason I wasn’t having sex wasn’t because I felt emotionally unready. My relationship with Scar Twin is going well, has been progressing on all levels, and I feel very confidently that this “thing” we have was (and is) headed in a positive direction. Our chemistry is undeniable, and it was obvious that we were both itching to do the deed. After all, sex is an important part of any relationship, and it’s fair to say we were both ready to see if we were as compatible in the bedroom as we are out of it. I think, underneath all of the questioning was just plain fear of rejection. Once you sleep with someone, you become vulnerable in a way you weren’t before. You’re more invested, and yes, sometimes people become attached. More than anything, I think I worried that becoming even more intimate with Scar Twin would make things hurt even worse if they didn’t work out. But then I realized that I was depriving myself of a healthy, natural thing that could take our relationship to the next step, so I said “fuck it,” and knew what I needed to do. Keep reading »