At the age of 33, I went on my first date.
I met the Brazilian at a nightclub a month before I was set to leave New York City indefinitely. The fact that he danced well and wore a scarf while doing so gave him away instantly as a foreigner.
After grinding together to techno music until four in the morning, we grabbed a cab back to his apartment in Queens and swung by my place on our way. I wasn’t sure what I might need, so I packed a toothbrush, a water bottle, my cell phone charger, an Edward Abbey book in case I couldn’t sleep, a headlamp to read it by, and some trail mix. I hadn’t ever slept over at a guy’s place in New York City before, so I wanted to be prepared. Keep reading »
Have you ever had a crush on someone? It’s wonderful … in the same way being kicked repeatedly in the stomach by a horse while you have diarrhea. Okay, it’s sort of like that, but there’s also love? Kinda? Mostly it makes you feel bad and act weird. Here are the dumbest things people do when they have a crush. Read more…
I am not the only one who finds Dave The Finance Guy Who Kept Track Of His Match.com Dates On A Spreadsheet adorably well-organized. One of the ladies he met off of Match.com is now defending Dave’s speadsheet o’ ladies, which leaked to the press earlier this week— and she’s pissed at the woman who leaked the list in the first place. Keep reading »
10 Minutes Early: Why am I so early? I look like such a loser. Did I bring a book? Oh good, here’s that book I always bring to pick up dudes, Kafka’sThe Trial. I have already read this 14 times so I’m just going to stare at a random page. How’s 97? Love that page.
5 Minutes Early: Maybe he’s the type of guy to arrive somewhere early. I’d better make sure my hair looks good. I’m going to order a glass of wine now because I want something to do. And I feel like paying for my own drink. And I freaking want some wine. Keep reading »
Two years into our relationship, Rick* received a verbal offer that would send him 2,500 miles away.
I couldn’t fathom how we could possibly have a successful relationship living such a great distance apart — even though I was the woman who’d urged him to apply for the job. He had asked me months before the job was even a possibility how I would feel about him splitting his time between San Francisco and Brooklyn. I uttered something along the lines, “I’m okay with that — as long as I don’t have to move.” But, once becoming long-distance became a reality, I suddenly felt abandoned. Instead of, “I’m happy for you,” our talks generally ended with me stating, “I don’t see this relationship lasting beyond December.”
I said it more than once.
Keep reading »
When the invitation to my college roommate’s wedding arrived, the envelope read “and Guest.” My heart sped up. I’ve fantasized about having a plus one to introduce to my friend crew, bringing a contributor to the circle of lifted pant legs during “Billy Jean,” which my friends’ significant others’ have made their own little wedding ritual.
As a single twentysomething, I’ve witnessed a half dozen friends tie the knot over the last few years. I’ve engaged enthusiastically in the traditional donning of the color-coordinated bridesmaid dresses (thankfully not-so-bad ones), I’ve paraded through crowded bars in penis paraphernalia, and I’ve constructed gaudy hats from the bows and ribbons topping mounds of bridal shower gifts. If there’s one thing I learned as sidekick to brides-to-be, it’s that practicality has begun to trump tradition in the wedding planning process. Just as couples agree to meet for photographs before the ceremony in order to attend their own cocktail hour, tight budgets often lead to unattached guests, like myself, receiving invites sans a plus one. Keep reading »
Some women may look at Dave, the finance dude who emailed his Match.com date a spreadsheet he keeps of all the women he’s been dating, with notes, and think, Ugh. What a pig!
But me? I see a man with an attention to detail. Details like “looks really pretty” and “mixed bag of pictures but great bod.” Keep reading »
I’ve been trying on men lately like Goldilocks testing out chairs and porridge, vacillating between one extreme and the other — scalding hot and limply cold, too soft and too damn hard.
Sunday night’s premiere episode of HBO’s new comedy “Girls” drove home this idea of extremes when it comes to self-selecting men: the difficulty of finding one that is just right and why we continue to dwell on the very, very wrong ones.
Judging from my social media streams and a litany of text messages from friends, most of us watching “Girls” were struck by the dilemma of dating the asshole versus dating the nice guy and how neither is a viable option. Keep reading »
You think he’s an idiot. He thinks you’re a nut case. You insist he doesn’t understand you. He insists you’re a nut case. You get angry and maybe even cry. He shrugs his shoulders, assumes it’s a personal problem that has nothing to do with him, and chalks all it up to you being an overly emotional irrational nut case.
Sound painfully familiar? Keep reading »