Earlier this week, a friend of mine sent me an article by Mark Manson titled “Fuck Yes or No,” with a simple directive: “Read this.” Since it had the word ‘fuck’ in it, I was obviously sold, considering the F-bomb has been my favorite word since I was old enough to pronounce consonants.
The piece describes the all-too-common “grey area” of dating, where “feelings are ambiguous or one person has stronger feelings than the other.” We’ve all been there (and I can admit when I’m guilty). But according to Manson, if you’re in the grey area to begin with, you’ve already lost. To help assure you that you’re entering into an equally beneficial and enthusiastic partnership, Manson says you should apply “The Law Of Fuck Yes Or No” (TLOFYON) to each and every romantic situation. Keep reading »
“Be prepared for a breakup about three weeks from now.” That was the relationship advice I got from a girl in her second year of my boyfriend’s graduate program, just before he started the first semester of his MFA in creative writing.
She had reason to be cynical: grad school means a convoluted class schedule, loads of coursework, very little money, and a whole new social circle of other grad students–and none of those things are awesome for an existing relationship. During her first semester, there had been a rash of breakups as everyone adjusted to the demands of the program.
But going for an MFA is about more than poverty and being swamped with work (although at their busiest times, grad students might not agree!). At its best, graduate school means having the support to delve into your passions—and when my boyfriend was able to delve into his academic passions, that brought a new sparkle to our relationship as well. Keep reading »
Last Friday, I was hanging out with two of my girlfriends and our pals Jack and José (Daniels and Cuervo, that is), when I heard myself uttering the words, “He’s obviously intimidated by your success.” Though a cliche, I actually meant it. I was trying to console my friend Bree, who had just been ghosted by a guy she really liked. After listening to the series of events which had taken place with her and Bartender Dude over the course of a couple weeks— they met through mutual friends, went on a couple dates and really seemed to hit it off, but after she brought up her enviable career and future aspirations, he backed off and then faded completely. it seemed to me like the guy she was seeing really WAS intimidated by the fact that she, in simple terms, has her shit together. So what is it about a successful woman that some men see as a threat instead of a turn-on? Keep reading »
Men check out my dog more than me. I only wish I were kidding.
I’ve gotten used to catching unexpected smiles creep onto strangers’ faces while gazing at Henny (why yes, she does look like a bear cub). But after one of our daily walks last month, during which I passed four men in their 30s and noticed, with sinking resignation, that THEY ALL BEAMED ADORINGLY AT MY DOG WITHOUT EVEN A CURSORY GLANCE AT ME, I realized: something is changing. I’m changing. Keep reading »
“So what’s the deal with that dude you’ve been seeing?” my friend asked, chowing down on a massive pile of chocolate pancakes and scrambled eggs. “You guys still good?”
I hadn’t seen Darius in a couple of years, but it was like no time had passed at all. We’ll usually talk on the phone weekly for awhile, and then go several weeks or even months passing without contact, but then when we do reconnect, we always pick up right where we left off. I’d last spoken to Darius just before Baby Face and I decided to stop dating, so he was in the dark about our decision to cut things off and Baby Face’s financial troubles, which I kept mostly private. Since we were both home visiting our families during the Thanksgiving holiday, we thought a hangover/catch-up breakfast was in order.
“Ehh, it’s kind of a long story,” I told him, trying to avoid discussing my current state of affairs with Baby Face. I pushed around the eggs on my plate. Keep reading »
We both knew we needed to have a talk, but neither of us were saying anything. Over the past couple of weeks, ever since Baby Face and I agreed to slow down our relationship, I’ve done a lot of thinking. My feelings for Baby Face hadn’t faltered one bit and our communication had actually become more frequent, but we’d gone almost two weeks without seeing each other and I didn’t like it. He didn’t either. Most of our recent conversations had been sprinkled with comments or mentions of his money woes, and how he wishes he could just “go to happy hour without feeling guilty” or wake up just one morning without thinking about paying bills, and as much as I didn’t want to face the music, I knew deep down that our decision to “pump the brakes” wasn’t going to change the fact that our relationship was running on fumes. Keep reading »