Tag Archives: dating donts

Dating Don’ts: Embracing Wabi-Sabi

Dating Don'ts: Control
Dating Don'ts Why Control Is The Enemy Of Love
Control is your enemy when it comes to love. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: To Date
Dating-Don'ts-Choose-To-Be-Alone
You have to choose to date if you're gonna do it. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Fatigue
When dating fatigue sets it, it's a bitch. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Embracing Wabi-Sabi

Here is a example of something that happens to people in relationships: we strive for perfection at all costs. Things go well, things are proceeding according to the path you created in your head. Things feel perfect. Your relationship is a glorious jewel of correctness, shining in a world where nothing is right. There have been no arguments, you disagree on nothing and appear to have everything in common. The success of your relationship is a kick in the teeth to all your other problems, it’s the one thing that you can really and truly do right. It’s a contact high of the best kind and you never want it to go away.  The problem with this feeling? The first crack in the veneer sends you into a roiling, spiraling panic. The truth: Perfection is impossible, it is unfeasible, and the struggle to achieve it will be the death of the relationship. Instead of striving for it, try infusing your relationship with some wabi-sabi. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: Why Control Is The Enemy Of Love

Dating Don'ts: To Date
Dating-Don'ts-Choose-To-Be-Alone
You have to choose to date if you're gonna do it. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Fighting
Dating Don'ts 7 Kinds Of Default Fighting Styles
What kind of default fighter are you? Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Dealbreaker
Dating Don'ts: We're All Just Walking Dealbreakers
We're all just walking dealbreakers. Read More »
Dating Don'ts Why Control Is The Enemy Of Love

Say you’re in a new relationship, and things are going well. There are dinners, there is coffee in bed when you want it, there is sparkling conversation and wit and banter, there are all-consuming exchanges of emotion that leave you revitalized and ready to seize the rest of your lives together. You’ve reached a state of happiness that leaves other relationships in the dark. Finally! A thing that works for me, the way I want it, the way I need it. What have I done to deserve this giant treasure from the universe?

Then, the change comes, like it does in all new relationships. Sun-soaked afternoons in bed are slowly replaced by tense mornings in which every conversation is a power struggle. What was once light and sunshine and butterfly kisses is now a relationship fraught with calculated moves to gain the upper hand. What happened here? How did something that seemed so easy become so complicated? Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: Why You Should Choose To Date

Dating Don'ts: Alone
Dating Don'ts: Why You Should Choose To Be Alone
Choose to be alone. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Social Media
Dating Dont's Social Media Etiquette For Every Stage Of Your Relationship
Social media etiquette for various relationship stages. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Online Realities
Some things you might not know about online dating. Read More »
Dating-Don'ts-Choose-To-Be-Alone

Here’s what’s easy:

Sitting in your apartment, doing things that you like to do, justifying this behavior by saying that because it is what you want to do, it is absolutely correct. Rejecting new experiences because they could fail, because you could embarrass yourself or fall on your face or loose a tooth or a shred of dignity. Staying in a rut because it’s comfortable, it feels right, and it’s easier than putting on that pair of pants or wearing those new shoes or doing anything other than the path you picked out for yourself as the only way for you. 

Dating is not fun. It’s not easy. If someone came up to me and told me in earnest that scrolling thru the depths of OKCupid is a fulfilling and mentally engaging activity, I’d gather my things and back away slowly. It feels like work because it is work. Scrolling through matches taps into the muscle memory of the aimless looking for shoes on Zappos or searching your work email for that thing you got last week that you just can’t find. Scroll, scroll, scroll. Click? Scroll. Repeat ad nauseam until you find something that you think might work, with some jiggering, a little tailoring, a tiny nip and tuck. Add to your cart, finish your wine, close your laptop, go to sleep. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: Social Media Etiquette For Every Stage Of Your Relationship

Dating Don'ts: The Talk
Dating Don'ts: 5 Good And Bad Times To Have The Talk
When you should and shouldn't have it. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Facebook
You should never post these things on his Facebook page. NEVER. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Alone
Dating Don'ts: Why You Should Choose To Be Alone
Choose to be alone. Read More »
Dating Dont's Social Media Etiquette For Every Stage Of Your Relationship

The rush that comes from infatuation is a drug as powerful and all-consuming as the sadness and white hot rage that follows a breakup. It is in these two extreme states that your desire to consume all you can about a person is at its highest. Through the sorcery of the internet, it’s all at your fingertips. The notion of personal privacy is being constantly redefined, and dating and breaking up in 2013 is unique because of the alarming amount of information that exists on social media. Tearfully scrolling through your ex’s Instagram feed is innocent research, as is giddily plumbing the depths of your crush’s Twitter timeline. Knowledge is power, but use it wisely. Like everything, there are rules. Here are a few to live by.

Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: 5 Good And Bad Times To Have “The Talk”

Dating Don'ts: 5 Good And Bad Times To Have The Talk

There comes a time in every new thing when it feels necessary to define what’s going on between the two of you. You need to have “the talk.” Say things have been going well, feelings are mutual and developing rapidly. You know that you should talk about this, but the time never seems quite right! Maybe you don’t even have to talk about it, because clearly you two are on the same page. You are linked by pure love and mutual understanding and shimmering light between your heart chakras and one day, you’ll just wake up and know deep down this is your lobster. Who needs to talk when it all feels so right? Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: 5 Tell-Tale Signs You’re In A Panic Relationship

Dating Don'ts: Alone
Dating Don'ts: Why You Should Choose To Be Alone
Choose to be alone. Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Fighting
Dating Don'ts 7 Kinds Of Default Fighting Styles
What kind of default fighter are you? Read More »
Dating Don'ts: Island
Dating Dont's: Relationship Island
Why your single friends don't want to join you on Relationship Island... Read More »
Dating-Don'ts-Panic-Relationships

I was less than enthused about the last person I dated, but could not put my finger on why. He was nice, smart, attractive, and I had enough fun with him, but something wasn’t right. At first, I chalked my indifference up to a personal tendency towards being overly critical. I had shoved off the detritus of my last long-term relationship, and was feeling open to new things and experiences. Dating him felt like something I should be doing — or at least trying — so I did. My enthusiasm never peaked though. It merely flatlined at a “I guess this is good enough” level for six months. It was only after we broke up that I was able to identify what was really going on: I was in a panic relationship.

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